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Old 03-29-2010, 07:15 PM   #1
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he's STILL talking to His ex

i found some texts in my bf's phone (i Wasnt snooping) from his ex of 5 years. she doesnt even know me but she was telling him things like he can do better and whatnot. well, i was upset (not b/c of what she said, b/c i am quite confident) but b/c my bf never texted her back to say ''hey i really love "..... " and we are happy together'' (something along those lines ). i mean he tells me he loves me and wants to marry me one day. why keep this other women in ur life who still has feelings for you??

so i confronted him and he reassured me that he loves me and he didnt really know why he didnt text her back those reasons. he broke up with her after 5 years and they were engaged for a short time (of course she is going to be jealous ). but the point is he didnt have my back, and i cant have a relationship where someone doesnt have my back. i didnt expect him to give her a million reasons why he loves me but i didnt expect him not to not say anything at all.

now i found that he didnt sign out of his email account on my computer, and she is emailing him. it was an email about nothing really....i guess they both used to play solitaire and keep record of their scores. she emailed him to say that she finally beat his score, and he replied back ''that's a total beauty ; )''

he said to me that she probably hasnt moved on....so why keep lines of communication open ? IMO, that is wrong to do if she is not over him. that is leading on someone.

 
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Old 03-29-2010, 08:13 PM   #2
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

He keeps talking to her because he wants to. Why he wants to is another story. It's up to you...you can either accept that he is going to keep talking to his ex, or tell him it's a dealbreaker. And don't give ultimatums unless you intend to follow through.
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Old 03-30-2010, 05:20 AM   #3
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

prettiestpon,
a little bit i thought maybe something like that was up after reading your first thread, but i stayed off it. it seemed like you knew in your gut but just needed some proof.
look if this man is going to buddy up with someone who trash talks you he has no respect for you & doesn't deserve your companionship or even your friendship really. straight up. if you stay in this RL you will never fully trust him again & always feel resentful. i'd bail out now.
some people think these things don't qualify as cheating but the heart can't tell the difference betrayal is all the same.
best wishes gurl

 
Old 03-30-2010, 10:38 AM   #4
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodyknows View Post
prettiestpon,
a little bit i thought maybe something like that was up after reading your first thread, but i stayed off it. it seemed like you knew in your gut but just needed some proof.
look if this man is going to buddy up with someone who trash talks you he has no respect for you & doesn't deserve your companionship or even your friendship really. straight up. if you stay in this RL you will never fully trust him again & always feel resentful. i'd bail out now.
some people think these things don't qualify as cheating but the heart can't tell the difference betrayal is all the same.
best wishes gurl
that's totally how i feel :/

 
Old 03-30-2010, 11:29 AM   #5
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

Is this the same boyfriend who slept with the ex "in a drunken state" and also recieved texts that were offensive about you?

I think he is not being straight up with the ex. He is not telling her he is serious about you and leaving her to believe she still hasa chance with him. Even if he is telling her he is serious about you, he is allowing conversations and communication between the two of them that (for good reason) make you uncomfortable.

He might swear up and down that he is "over her" and there is no longer an attraction. But the fact remains that he is allowing her to interfere and communicate negatively about you two as a couple.

I have been there. And ultimately I had to throw down the gauntlet. I am not a controlling person, however, this kind of talk was NOT ok with me. So I told him he has to CHOOSE. Keep communicating with her OR stay in a realtionship with me. I was ready to walk (and I would have).

I think you will ultimately have to say this to him, and mean it.

 
Old 03-30-2010, 11:32 AM   #6
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

Good advice. But, you DO have to be prepared to walk or it will be meaningless.
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Old 03-30-2010, 11:42 AM   #7
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

He sounds like a complete tool from all your posts about him. I'm not sure why you're with such a simpleton as him. He has about the same IQ as a lamp post. What a great catch, where do I sign up?!!

Last edited by Kszan; 03-30-2010 at 11:52 AM.

 
Old 03-30-2010, 01:05 PM   #8
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

Quote:
Originally Posted by River rocks View Post
Is this the same boyfriend who slept with the ex "in a drunken state" and also recieved texts that were offensive about you?

I think he is not being straight up with the ex. He is not telling her he is serious about you and leaving her to believe she still hasa chance with him. Even if he is telling her he is serious about you, he is allowing conversations and communication between the two of them that (for good reason) make you uncomfortable.

He might swear up and down that he is "over her" and there is no longer an attraction. But the fact remains that he is allowing her to interfere and communicate negatively about you two as a couple.

I have been there. And ultimately I had to throw down the gauntlet. I am not a controlling person, however, this kind of talk was NOT ok with me. So I told him he has to CHOOSE. Keep communicating with her OR stay in a realtionship with me. I was ready to walk (and I would have).

I think you will ultimately have to say this to him, and mean it.
oh no, the guy who slept with his ex is long gone. i ended that.
back to my current bd, i could see if he and his ex were really just friends and wished nothing but the best for eachother. but she straight up said i wasnt pretty enough (b/c i didnt fit his mold of blonde hair and big boobs ) and that he could do better. first of all, i am not jealous b/c ive seen her pics. but my bf never said a darn thing to take up for me or say ''hey im happy With her.'' so if he doesnt take up for me now, is this how things might be later in life ? is he gonna have my back ? i really do feel betrayed now b/c he is STILL responding to her emails and being nice to her after he saw how bad that hurt me. i asked him if one of my Exes were talking crap about him would he be cool if we were still friends....of Course he said no.

i texted him today, so we Will see what he says. but these are my feelings and they seem perfectly justified. i am not sure i completely trust him. and if We ever marry, is he really gonna continue to Talk to the same woman who completely bashed me ? not cool

 
Old 03-30-2010, 01:46 PM   #9
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

I personally do not understand why he STILL keeps in touch with her. You have confronted him about the text messages, and he TRIES to assure you that its YOU WHO HE TRULY LOVES but does not resolve the fact that its him creating doubts/insecurities in your relationship since ITS HIM THAT CHOOSES TO STAY IN TOUCH WITH HIS EX.

She talks junk about you because she can and because HE ALLOWS her to. Why do you want to deal with that? He can assure you all he wants but actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words. I personally do not see why they are in touch especially if she is in the business of bashing-exes-current-girlfriends.

I dated a guy that way in touch with his ex ALL THE TIME and that was ONLY because they have a child together. And when they were in touch it was always about their daughter nothing more. I dont see the point. Its done and over with. Its the past - keep it that way... Exes generally - in my experience - create situations for DRAMA

 
Old 03-30-2010, 01:55 PM   #10
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

When my husband was sneaking around behind my back to go and meet up with his EX and was IMing etc behind my back what it said to me is that he didn't gave a rat's a** about my feelings and that I was number 2 and the EX was still the number one person in his life...but that's just me....
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Old 03-30-2010, 02:11 PM   #11
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

Quote:
Originally Posted by prettiestpon View Post
. i am not sure i completely trust him. and if We ever marry, is he really gonna continue to Talk to the same woman who completely bashed me ? not cool
Not cool at all. Why does he do something that he himself said he would not be happy with if on the other foot?? Yeah, I'd ask him that point blank. Why is he allowing this to happen.
Good luck, and stay firm!!

 
Old 04-07-2010, 12:53 PM   #12
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

You are so right...it is leading someone on. i know this because i have been doing the same thing with my ex-husband. i would answer his calls and txts everytime he needed something or just wanted to talk. it was never about anything much just talking but it was usetting my current bf. I just thought because I wasn't talking about getting back together that it wasnt wrong but then my ex did start talking about that. Idk why your bf continues to keep the lines open with his ex but mine was simply that I didn't know how to establish those kinds of boundaries with mine. I was so used to just letting him do whatever that i never stopped to think how it was making my new bf feel. But even once i did tell my ex that we had to stop talking unless it was strictly about our kids, he still wants to call and text all the time. It has gotten better over the last 3-4 wks but only because I stopped answering every phone call and text. Now he will text and say I need to talk to you about something important can i call u plz? And i let him bcuz i think it could be about one of our girls and then it's just nothing...him wanting to talk. It's hard to make those boundaries to someone you used to love that much bcuz you still don't want to hurt them. but your bf needs to think about the same thing i did...whose feelings would i rather hurt? A person who used to do some pretty mean things to me and who now is just the father of my children or this really wonderful guy that I'm with now that loves me and I think would do anything for me? I chose the really wonderful guy. and hopefully your bf will choose you. And i don't mean literally bcuz obviously he is already with you and hasn't been with her for a long time. But he still has a choice of sorts to make. You should just sit him down and really tell him how you're feeling about the whole thing. Don't be confrontational if you can help it as that will only put him on the defensive. Just tell him that when he talks to her it makes you feel bad and it leads her on. And if he loves you then he should stop no problem. Or at least he should start trying to stop to where it eventually becomes no communication at all. Good luck.

 
Old 04-07-2010, 06:11 PM   #13
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Re: he's STILL talking to His ex

I have a friend who was not very big on my last boyfriend.....and he would make little comments a out him that were pretty bad. I allways had my bf's back, and I would not let it go without saying something. My bf on the other hand, never thought twice about going behind my back and bashing me with his friends and family. All I can say is good riddence to bad rubbish. The fact is, if he's allowing her to say these things and not putting it down at all, and like you said, it's not that hard, then I think he has some intentions. Whether he is still interested in her, or just doesn't want the attention from her to stop is really irrelevant to me. No matter how you cut it, it's just wrong. I think I'd walk. You dont really want to be married to the both of them do you?Good luck
Melissa.

 
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