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Old 03-29-2010, 09:15 PM   #1
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How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

I guess this thread is sorta related to the one below mine but I'm wondering about a specific girl. Some of you may remember, but most probably don't that about a week ago I had a thread going about my trouble with getting girls to talk to me for more than a week at a time or my luck with meeting flaky people that always back out on their plans with me and how I had met a girl that I immediately really really liked.

So you guys don't have to read all this stuff if you dont' want you can skip to the bold sentence if you want to skip all the back story.

A bit of back story thats kinda odd. I accidentally met her on face book through a case of mistaken identity. I apologized to her for the mix up and we ended up talking for about two hours. She even invited me to a party with her and her roommate that same night. Couple weeks later I told her she should go to this party I was going to (we both go to the same school), and she showed up.

As far as I know she showed up by herself which maybe i'm looking into it too deep but that kinda tells me (or at least I hope thats what it tells me) is that she showed up to the party because I asked her to which meant she actually wanted to meet me face to face. As soon as she showed up at this party we never left each others side the whole night and ended up back at her house, and then back at my house. Nothing happened more than us sitting really close to each other, and me leaning my head into hers and putting my hand on her leg and me asking if I could kiss her on the cheek to which she smiled big and said yes. She didn't push me away or ask me to stop when I did any of those things. I still feel I'm bad with women and reading signs, and I was scared to make a move bigger than what I had for fear of getting rejected and making her uncomfortable.

My friend told me the next day that the only reason she would have went to my house on her own was because she did like me. Right before she left my house that night she asked me if I wanted to go to the beach with her the following day, of course I said yes. Unfortunately the next day she got stuck at work and had to cancel. Then Sunday goes by and I don't hear from her, thinking I blew it I was kinda hitting myself for not making a bigger move on her and making it more obvious I liked her the first night I met her. Then to my surprise and relief she started talking to me that Monday. This told me she was possibly interested and that I obviously hadn't blown it with her.

We talked a couple more times during that week and this past Friday I asked if she wanted to go on that ride to the beach and she said yeah. We ended up riding our bikes to the beach with each other spending about 4 hours together. I felt like it went really really well and there were never any awkward moments of silence or anything like that. Everything just flowed naturally which I take is a good sign. After the beach we rode back to my house and were there for just a little bit when she had to go back to her house. Before she left I asked if she would go to dinner with me the following weekend (this coming weekend) and she said yes, sounds good etc. And I made sure that she knew I would pay for it and everything. I tried to make it as obvious as possible it was a date without actually saying it. I picked a relatively nice local restaurant and even mentioned dressing up fancy even though its not quite that fancy. She seemed excited about the idea and that was that.

I then talked to her for a little bit today and she mentioned how she was going to be gone most of this weekend but never mentioned going to dinner with me. I assume she just forgot or didn't realize that maybe there's a schedule conflict with our date and her other plans to leave town this weekend. Or maybe i'm wrong and they dont' conflict so she didnt mention it. So today was the last time I spoke with her.

But anyways, thats it for the backstory. This has all become a real round about way of asking how do I know if she's into me? I've always been terrible at reading signs that a girl likes me. Hell my last girlfriend I didn't even realized she liked me until she flat up told me "I want to be your girlfriend", looking back though its completely obvious she did.

So I really really really like this girl, we seem to have so much in common and I feel like we just click and get along so well. I hope she feels the same way, I mean we talked for two hours before we ever actually met and both were asking questions about each other and generally just showing interest in something other than talking about ourselves. She came to a party by herself and then was with me the whole night which was 4-5 hours. She let me sit really close to her, put my hand on her leg, kiss her on the cheek, calls me a sweatheart and then is the one to ask ME to go to the beach with her the next day. And then again is the first one to make the effort to contact me a couple days later. Then agrees to spend yet another whole day with just me at the beach the next weekend, and then says yes when I asked her to dinner this coming weekend. In writing to me at least it seems like she's interested in me but I still just don't know. I always find a way to put doubts in my head

Since she called me on her own initiative last Sunday I've been the one to make "first contact". Part of it is because I'm just trying to make it obvious that I like her and part of it is because thats all I find myself wanting to do lately is talk to her, and part of it is because I'm afraid she won't try to contact me. When I do talk to her (which is mostly through text and internet) though she always seems happy to talk to me and uses lots of "smilies" and "exclamation marks" which people who are really into texting have told me exclamation marks are good things.

So thinking about this date I have with her this weekend (I never actually called it date, but I'm hoping she'll get that it is anyways) I asked a female friend of mine i've known since high school if I should just come right out and tell her I like her. She said that might scare her away so I shouldn't do that, but show it with the things I do and say which I feel I'm doing already.
I don't really do this but she suggested I quote: "text her and tell her that I hope she has an amazing day or night or whatever...or say things like I really enjoyed hanging out with you the other day"

My real question is how do I know if this girl is into me? I've told you things she's done that tell me she is but I'm also afraid I'm just subconsciously giving myself false hope because I want this girl to like me and I'm reading everything wrong. If this date with her does happen this weekend what are signs I should look for? Or what about me always making "first contact" is this a bad thing? She doesn't try to call me or talk to me every single day but does want to hang out with me. How do I stay out of the friend stage that I always seem to get caught in? Questions Questions Questions

Thank you for taking the time to read this, as always it got longer than I planned.

Last edited by Giant_Squid; 03-29-2010 at 10:16 PM.

 
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Old 04-02-2010, 10:11 PM   #2
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Re: How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

So I signed up to this site just to reply because I liked your question and thought I could help. You've given a lot of good information which has helped me in answering you question & I can tell you put A LOT of thought into it.

First off, yes she likes you! 2nd she already knows that you like her &
3rd you are overthinking this big time! But that is alright for now... we've all done it at one point or another.

I am just going to rapidfire a bunch of stuff that came to my mind after reading your "story", so listen up.

Your girl from highschool is right on one thing, do not tell her you like her, or the chase is off. When you told her to go to that party, the chase was on, she wanted to meet you. You showed confidence by touching and the kiss on the cheek. Remember this, two steps forward one step back... tease her. Dinner is setting yourself up for a bad situation at the beginning, don't do it... if she invites you over for dinner fine. You failed a "test" of hers when you said you'd go with her to the beach the next day. What you should of said was, 'how about such and such a day...' you want to share the controls not give them away. If you kiss her behind, like most guys do then she'll be gone before you know it. Buying and paying for stuff is a bad place to start in a relationship because then she will ALWAYS expect it.... so buying dinner is a nono. You can turn it and around and say... hey I am going for coffee how about you come and keep me entertained. Don't call or write to her more then does to you... keep the score even. STOP thinking you blew it... positive mind set is a must... all that "romantique" stuff you hear about and are constantly told by girls, friends and the media to do... well DON'T do it! That is stuff you throw in when you're actually WITH the girl... till then, be cocky/funny/sexual/cute/random/sweet you have to find the rigth balence for you... but never too much of one or you'll come off as a jackass/joker/pervert/wussy/wierdo/"just a friend" (in that order)... enjoy the tips.

 
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Old 04-03-2010, 11:10 PM   #3
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Re: How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

Well your reply sorta helped and has sorta left me confused. Unless I'm reading this the wrong way you're telling me not to pay for things when I take a girl on a date, which to me seems like the complete opposite of what you should do. To me not paying for dinner says "were just friends" I mean I don't pay for my friends dinners whenever we eat somewhere. Its always separate checks. But when its a guy and a girl in a date type situation you should pay. Am I wrong?

This past Thursday we went on that date. We actually had to do it sooner than planned because she had to leave town on Saturday. On Wednesday I called her and specified a time, and upon realization that she was going to be out of town we tried to come up with a different time to do it. Again maybe I'm reading too much into this but she seemed pretty determined to find a new day to do it. She offered Friday, but I couldn't, I offered Sunday but she couldn't, I offered Tuesday or Thursday and she chose Thursday. This could all be because I'm seeing as something I want it to be rather than what it really is but I took her "determination" to find a new time as a good sign that she really wanted to do this.

So then Thursday we went out, and again we just seem to have so much in common, conversation went well no awkward silences, lots of laughing. Then when the time came I paid and even though she offered to leave the tip I refused to let her and told her I wanted to do this. When we got back to my house she asked what I was doing the rest of the night and I told her nothing, to which she replied she had homework to do (which was true, this date night is her usual homework night). She did come inside though for a little bit and we watched a TV show and then she had to go do school work. Just before seeing her out the door we hugged and I asked if she wanted to go out to dinner again sometime. She said yeah she'll check her schedule for next weekend and left.

The next night...which was yesterday we went to a party separately. And right off the bat the night was weird. My friend that I usually go with had to back out so I had no good way of getting there since my car at the moment is broken. I then asked her if she would mind if I got a ride to the party with her (she's the only other person I knew that would be able to drive me there), but she was at work when I asked. Two hours later I hear from her and she said she just arrived at the party, so I had to ride my bike and then walk to this party where I met her outside in the front yard. We greeted each other and then we walked around the house for a little bit.

I think from the get go though I was setting myself up to be disappointed because I was hoping that it would like last time where we were with each other for 4 hours straight. This time was different, we talked for an hour or so but then she started wandering around a lot and myself not really knowing many people at this party started to follow her. I quickly felt and probably looked like a lost puppy so I backed off and let her go off on her own and finally found some other friends of mine. But the whole night I kept fighting the urge to go find her, all I wanted to do was talk to her. I then saw her talking to some other guy, which by no means I don't think means anything...at least I hope not and it pretty much bummed me out the rest of the night. Then to top it off as far as I know she left alone without saying bye to anyone. Her roommate didn't even know that she had left.

I told a few different friends I knew about her and that I took her to dinner the day before and that I'm probalby taking her again this coming weekend and all of them said I didn't have anything to worry about. It was probably just a friend she was talking to.

Later on in the night since she wasn't there I kinda stopped worrying about her and by accident met a bunch of her close friends. And one of them upon introducing myself said "Oh you're really good friends with ___ aren't you?" to which I said "yeah shes really cool". This is another one of those things I feel I'm looking way too much into but this is a girl I've never met before but she knows who I am which tells me the girl I like could possibly be telling other people about me. Which is good.

I feel like this girl likes me, at least thats how she acts when I talk to her. And maybe this is because I haven't really given her a chance but I seem to be the one making the effort to call her and what not. I mean I feel like I should be the one making date plans, but I would hope she would want to call me every so often. But again I don't think theres been more than a day i've gone without making contact with her, however every time I have talked to her its been for a reason such as making plans or what-not. Only a couple times has it been just to say hi.

So if she doesn't ever call me but then seems to want to go out to dinner and does seem excited when we do talk what could that mean? Could it be that shes just the type of girl that wants the guy to be the one to make the calls and plans and effort? Its the way my mom thinks, she refuses to call any guy.

 
Old 04-03-2010, 11:51 PM   #4
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Re: How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

All you have to do is be yourself, be open, and enjoy yourself. She certainly sounds like she enjoys your company, and is open to both calling you, and you calling her. Sounds like you have enough things in common, you live near each other, go to the same school, parties, etc. Leave yourself, and her enough time to get your own things done, and when a good idea comes to mind, call her up and suggest it! You could look ahead, in the upcoming events to find ideas for dates.

As far as paying, that is negotiable. Nothing is written in stone. When you are young and both are working, there is nothing wrong with dutch treat, or even her treat, if she asks you.

She sounds like a girl who likes fun, so keep things fun, and you will both be fine. Best wishes!

 
Old 04-04-2010, 08:27 AM   #5
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Re: How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

Quote:
Originally Posted by writeleft View Post
Leave yourself, and her enough time to get your own things done, and when a good idea comes to mind, call her up and suggest it! You could look ahead, in the upcoming events to find ideas for dates.
Heres my problem, I ALWAYS have an idea for something to do or find myself with reasons to call her. If I were to follow through on all these I would end up calling her 6 times a day. Lately I find that all I want to do is call her, talk to her, hang out, etc. but I also realize I can't do that and its really hard for me to try to calm down when I'm constantly wondering what she's up to. Over the years I've come to realize that when I like someone, I really like someone. There's no half effort towards it, I am head over heels for this girl and I can't stop thinking about her. Unless I'm concentrating hard on school projects I find myself thinking about her all the time.

Really it drives me crazy, I wish I could find a way to go at least half a day without telling myself to calm down and not to call her. So far I think i've done alright in controlling myself, and I've only contacted her every other dar or every couple of days, but it drives me crazy sometimes.

As far as paying is concerned I've been under the impression that women should never pay if a man is present. With my last girlfriend there were a couple of occasions when I would go out to dinner with her and her friends and I would pay for everyone. But then there were also times with my last girlfriend where she would pay or we would split the check. But I thought that until you officially are dating that you should pay for all the meals.

 
Old 04-04-2010, 08:55 AM   #6
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Re: How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

Quote:
Originally Posted by Giant_Squid View Post
As far as paying is concerned I've been under the impression that women should never pay if a man is present. With my last girlfriend there were a couple of occasions when I would go out to dinner with her and her friends and I would pay for everyone. But then there were also times with my last girlfriend where she would pay or we would split the check. But I thought that until you officially are dating that you should pay for all the meals.
Yes, I agree with you 100%. Until you're officially in a relationship and you're still in the just dating phase, then you pay for her. It's called Chivalry and most girls still appreciate that kind of thing as well as when you open her car door for her and pull out the chair for her at the table and help her put her coat on. It's a gentlemanly thing to do and it's the right way to treat a lady. Once you're officially in a relationship, then you guys can start splitting who pays this time and who pays next time. But until then, you pay for her.

 
Old 04-04-2010, 11:27 AM   #7
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Re: How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

If you ask her out on a date, you pay. I think the suggestion that you ask her to meet you at a coffee house to "keep you entertained" is somewhat insulting, like you think she's there to accomodate you and you should get to just sit there waiting for her to pull a rabbit out of a hat or tap dance or something. If she suggests a date, then it's ok for her to pay for you or to go 50/50...but my rule of thumb is, whomever does the asking pays.

That being said, I think you have to learn to calm down a bit. You've spent something like a total of maybe 24 hours with this girl and you are already head over heels, obsessing about her talking to another guy? Wanting to call her constantly and thinking about her all the time? Do you usually get that attached that soon? Because it's easy to convince yourself you're in "love" if you get like that, and it's easy to make poor choices when you think you are in love that soon. It's just not possible to be "head over heels" for someone in that amount of time because you don't truly know her. So, calm down, try to stop overthinking and overanalyzing and enjoy the dates you have. Then just see how it goes. Relax!
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Old 04-04-2010, 12:04 PM   #8
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Re: How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

I think it's great what your going through! I can't remember the last time somebody actually blew me off of my feet like that. I miss that feeling where a person is so exciting to be around and all you think about. I would say she definately likes you. I have never gone out with a guy more then once that I wasn't interested in. And your right to not want to call her all the time even though you want to call her all the time. However, I'm very against little text messages. Sometimes they can be misunderstood, or come off as annoying. I personaly think, if your not comfortable enough making the call.......send a card.....not a text. But thats just my personal opinion on it. Anyway, just simmer down and enjoy where it all takes you. Best of luck!
Melissa

 
Old 04-04-2010, 06:12 PM   #9
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Re: How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

Quote:
You've spent something like a total of maybe 24 hours with this girl and you are already head over heels, obsessing about her talking to another guy? Wanting to call her constantly and thinking about her all the time? Do you usually get that attached that soon? Because it's easy to convince yourself you're in "love" if you get like that, and it's easy to make poor choices when you think you are in love that soon.
I wouldn't go so far as to say Im in love, but I definitely haven't felt this way about a girl before, as well as had the guts/confidence to act upon my feelings and had success. I know part of the reason I find myself wanting to talk to this girl all the time aside from really liking her. I'm terrified of going another 4 years without a girlfriend. Thats how long it was between my first girlfriend and my last one. 4 years without any sort of female interaction, it really takes a tole on someone.

So now here I am seemingly doing well with this girl I absolutely adore and I'm scared of screwing it up and going another long period of time without a girlfriend. Those four years after my first girlfriend have been some of the loneliest of my short life. It wasn't that I didn't have any friends at the time, but combined with moving away from all my friends after high school and then not being able to get another girlfriend really killed me.

I guess you could say I'm getting antsy because I'm going to be gone for two months this summer and I'm worried that what me and this girl have right now, however little or big it may be might die off come August.

Despite all this panicking and over thinking things, I'd say I do pretty well when I'm actually with the girl. I'm not thinking about future plans with her or dwelling on things in the past or worrying about looking cool or impressing her. I do really well when I'm with her and be myself and stay calm. Its just the parts in-between that drive me up the walls. All of this goes on in my head too. Unless you were a close friend of mine I don't think you would be able to see just how crazy i've been getting lately.
Quote:
However, I'm very against little text messages. Sometimes they can be misunderstood, or come off as annoying. I personaly think, if your not comfortable enough making the call.......send a card.....not a text.
I actually agree with you. I hate texting, and I have called her a couple times. However its never been just to say hi. Back in high school thats what I use to do all the time when I liked a girl, I called them all the time just to talk. But for some reason I find myself scared to call this girl just to say hi. Im certainly not afraid to talk to her, I guess I'm just worried that she'll wonder why I called and then when she finds out its not really for any reason that she'll get turned off by me or something.

Also what about her not really calling me? I'm going to try to go till at least Tuesday without calling her, but what if I don't hear from her. Some people might say her not calling me or talking to me means she's not interested, but like I said she wants to hang out with me, she said she'll go to dinner with me again this coming weekend. Could it be that she's "old fashioned" when it comes to that sort of thing?

 
Old 04-04-2010, 07:23 PM   #10
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Re: How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

Being afraid to go a certain amount of time without a girlfriend doesn't mean you are "head over heels". It sounds like you really, really want a girlfriend and it's not necessarily this girl you want, but SOME girl, ANY girl, so you can have a girlfriend again and stop feeling bad. And since this girl has responded to you, you've latched on to her. I think you might do well to really examine if you honestly care about this particular girl or if you just want to be able to put the label "girlfriend" on someone.

That being said, I can't really say why she may or may not call. You'd really have to find out from her, but it's not like you feel comfortable asking her. All you can do is continue to ask her out and see how she responds. And please try to figure out if it's her you want or just someone to fill the "girlfriend" role.
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Old 04-05-2010, 05:05 AM   #11
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Re: How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

She may be just as shy as you, and thats why she isn't calling, or, she could be very busy with homework. I'm assuming the both of you are in college? Well if she is taking it at all seriously, I'm sure she has plenty of homework and studying to do. I personally never call a guy. I'm terrified of that moment where he might not answer and then OMG.......what if he saw it was me on the caller I.D. and didn't want to talk to me. And I'm 30! You'd think I would have it all figured out by then. So I wouldn't read too much into it. It could also mean that she is just taking things very slow. Maybe right now she is into you, but not feeling ready for a boyfriend. She may just feel like her education is most important and doesn't want to complicate it so while she likes you and wants to spend time with you, she doesn't want to rush right out and join herself at the hip. Now if that were the case, this doesnt mean you should give up. It simply means that you are going to have to take it very slow. You are going to have to play the "dating" game for a very long time with her. Anywho, I still wouldn't worry. She likes you or she wouldn't be caught dead alone with you. Plain and simple.
Melissa

 
Old 04-05-2010, 07:38 AM   #12
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Re: How do I know if this girl likes me? Signs say yes...I think...maybe

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedNeon
It sounds like you really, really want a girlfriend and it's not necessarily this girl you want, but SOME girl, ANY girl, so you can have a girlfriend again and stop feeling bad.
I suppose thats possible, but I've thought about it a lot and I really do like this girl. I'm the type of person that just settles on something. While I am worried about going 4 years without any sort of girlfriend, I'm also not the type of person to say "screw it, I'll just take this one". If that were the case I probably would of had a girlfriend a few months ago because there have been a few opportunities that I wasn't interested in.

 
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