I feel very naive when it comes to dating.Ive been dating this guy since last summer and although we have had incredible moments together,well Ive also caught him doing some shady things like trying to take a pic of me from behind while we wer having sex,but i turned around and he hid the camera passed it off by laughing and saying he was just joking and that im very beautiful.but i felt like he was violating my privacy by not even asking. Ive also cuaght him looking through my cell, when I answer my cell he runs over to my side and looks to see whos calling and he once asked me while I was still on the phone "Do YOU F$#* your friends!!" I was floored I couldnt believe someone would say that. Its not like I was interrupting our date or anything he happend to b far away walking his dog and a friend called so i decided to answer quickly and was hanging up as soon as he came over letting my friend on th phone know that I was with someone.But he apologized very much immediately saying he didnt know were that came from anyway I feel his mood changes so quickly all th time he goes from sweet and super affectionate to calling me a *****,high maintenance,and the latest ****,hes also ripped my blouse in anger . i havent spoken to him in days because of that. The thing is he gets frustrated easily he says that when were out Im looking at everyone but him. that I love attention and love flirting with guys, so untrue Im so shy,but I do get alot of attention even from gay men, plus I l ike being nice to evryone.He gets angry and then tells me every argument is my fault.Honestly i dont even know what hes accusing me of anymore my head is just spinning from so many accusations and demands he keeps telling me how he has only tried to help me always and I never do anything for him, that every friend or my sister that has met him once has disrespected him. What do i do is this guy just an ******* or what or is this him trying to abuse me verbally? this probably sounds one sided but I typically dont argue dont say bad words and I ask him to not disrespect me by cursing. but he hasnt stopped, if anything he says if i didnt act the way i do he wouldnt have to react that way.I dont know Ive never had good relationship examples. please input would be greatly appreciated.
As others may add their advice, I would comment on his lack of respect. Understanding that relationships in general have two sides, it doesn't matter if an individual is male or female; respect is a basic ingredient for any successful relationship. To show lack of respect is to only prove their low opinion of you. As the old saying goes, ACTIONS speak louder then WORDS. If you would take the time to really look at your situation, this male, for a reason unknown, is proving again and again he has hardly any admiration for you. Perhaps he has low self esteem with himself.
As to rip your clothing in anger, if that only happen once, in my opinion that was to often. I realize that you’re looking for others to perhaps tell you something that you want to hear, but I can honestly say that if you were my daughter, I would suggest you be very careful around this guy. As you yourself has described, he truly sounds as if he has the potential to become even more violent.
Last edited by islandjohnny; 03-29-2010 at 11:00 PM.
He's not trying to verbally abuse you, he IS verbally, as well as physically abusing you. He's disrespectful and even hateful to you, refuses to take responsibility for his own behavior, blaming you for his temper tantrums and such.
To me, abuse is a deal breaker. Your mental health is being negatively affected by being with this guy. You are questioning your own judgment, your own instincts, your own perception, and soon you will be questioning your own sanity and reason. Love yourself enough to say "I don't deserve to be treated this way, and I will not subject myself to the company of someone who chooses to treat me this way." You will be well on your way to really growing up and getting ready for a real, healthy relationship once you get to that point. A woman with a strong, healthy self esteem does not stay around someone who treats her like this, crossing her fingers hoping he'll magically decide to treat you right someday.
Read your post again. Do you not see a problem with him? Do you not see the red flags? If your friend told you this same story, what kind of advice would you give her? NO ONE should be with a guy like this. This is a bad relationship. And if you honestly can't see that, you have another problem coming your way. Smarten up quick and LEAVE HIM for good. And I wouldn't even hesitate about getting a restraining order.
Any one of those "abuses" would be enough to make me leave if that was happening to me.
Ive also caught him doing some shady things like trying to take a pic of me from behind while we wer having sex,but i turned around and he hid the camera passed it off by laughing and saying he was just joking and that im very beautiful.but i felt like he was violating my privacy by not even asking
Of course he was violating your privacy, in a HUGE way!!!
Not sure if it was this board or another one I visit occasionally, but there was a woman there who also found her boyfriend trying to take photo's of her while they were having sex. Turns out it wasn't the first time and he'd already actually posted graphic pics of her on the internet without her knowing!
Violence, verbal abuse, physical abuse, you shouldn't be putting up with any of this, you deserve better.