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Old 03-29-2010, 10:44 PM   #1
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Seeing yourself in two places.

Let me first start by saying I am not a cheater. Never have, never will. I've been cheated on and I know how it felt so I would never do it to another person.

That out of the way, some may remember a few weeks back I posted about issues regarding my current boyfriend. Just, lack of common sense respect, acting like a little kid, etc. Go back in my posts and you can read the full story. We did talk about it, and somewhat reach an understanding. Some weekends (Distance, I only see him on the weekends) are better then others. Some he's better, some he slips back into the 'kid' zone. He's good in so many ways minus that. Part of our 'somewhat understanding' is we needed to tell each other when something we are doing bothers one of us. So I told him a couple times when kidding around went too far, and he again just went back to telling me I'm only offended because I'm in a bad mood. Not 'oh, ok, this is what you were talking about, maybe there's something to it.' I was smiling and laughing the entire time before. Rather frustrating.

I feel so mixed, especially now. Things could work with my current boyfriend, I could see them potentially working. Another hiccup is the distance. Only see him on weekends, and he's made it clear he doesn't want to move from where he is. I don't want to move from where I am, so.....who knows. We've only been dating 7 months, so I'm CLEARLY not rushing anything, but just another factor I guess for the future...

But anyway, I'm mixed because I find myself hanging out with a new...friend on some weekdays. We met through a mutual friend who died in an accident over the winter, and took comfort in knowing we both knew this friend, and could converse and talk about everything. We also have more common hobbies, and he's always been more apt to go do/try something or hang out on the fly if one of us had a hard day, or a rough time either in general or regarding thinking of our friend. He's local too, so it's easier. I HAVE NOT CROSSED ANY BOUNDARIES. He has asked if I was single and I said I was not, but did say I wasn't sure where it was going at the time, because that's the truth. We talked about how he was recently divorced himself and knows how that goes. I don't know as much as I'd like to about him just yet but it's one of those unspoken things though that it's clear we both care for each other, as friends yes, but potentially as more. I feel like scum even thinking that while with someone else, but I can't keep it bottled up anymore, it's just stressing me out and I don't know what to do. I will not cross any boundaries, and I will not cheat. Things never 'just happen', and advice to anyone if anyone uses that line with you it's bull crap. Back to subject though..

I feel like such an idiot. I can see myself going potentially either way. I could stay with my current boyfriend, continue to deal with the bi-polar like kid tendencies, unsupportiveness to my goals, and unwilling to put himself out there and try new things, because besides that he's a good guy. I mean, he drives 100 miles to see me every weekend, although he never says, I know he cares. I also hate to say but I think another thing I enjoy is he has...'status'? He's pretty well known, and oddly I think a part of me enjoys knowing I date someone like that, I don't know.

Or I could let him go, and get to know my new friend more. Could go somewhere, could not. No idea.

I'm young yet, but I don't want to let something go that could have been better for me.....

What happens when you find yourself envisioning yourself in two scenarios? How do you choose? I'm not by any means asking for permission to have my cake and eat it too, I legitimately just wonder what you think.

What a Twilight scenario....if only one sparkled in sunlight....LOL

 
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Old 03-29-2010, 11:34 PM   #2
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Re: Seeing yourself in two places.

It's never a good thing to love someone for who you hope they'll be someday instead of who they actually are. It seems you keep trying to "train" your boyfriend into being who you need and want him to be, instead of just dealing with who he really is.

He doesn't make you happy. Life is too short to spend it miserable because of something you don't HAVE to have in your life.

I'm not saying you are, but simply because you brought it up, so please don't take this too personally, but please don't judge real life relationships on Twilight. There's nothing at all real, or even healthy about the whole Bella-Edward-Jacob thing.

Think long and hard about why you really are with this current boyfriend of yours. Is the ego boost you get from dating someone with "status" worth the neglect, the inattentiveness, the rudeness and disrespect?

 
Old 03-30-2010, 12:06 AM   #3
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Re: Seeing yourself in two places.

Yes, I can agree. Although there are alot of positives he has I haven't seen in anyone else. That's why I try to make it work. Every relationship has it's squabbles, but yeah.

Oh goodness no, my Twilight reference was entirely a joke. No worries there!

And no, it's not. It's almost too easy to put him out of mind during the week too since I don't see him, and barely hear from him since we both get busy. Then I see him weekends or other events and I'm reassured I do care for him and things could work ,etc.

 
Old 03-30-2010, 08:39 AM   #4
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Re: Seeing yourself in two places.

os,
i think your bf has horrible qualities.
every girl i know with a terrible bf is quick to point out like 3 or 5 good qualities about him that are irrelivant to being a good bf.
he doesn't have the basics to be a good bf.
& he never will.
i would love to know what status he has, u can pm me if u want or just not answer.
please don't say musician, i can throw a rock right now & hit a musician.

 
Old 03-30-2010, 09:05 AM   #5
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Re: Seeing yourself in two places.

From what you've written about your relationship, seems that the bad qualities totally outweigh the good. Status is not a good reason to stay in a bad relationship.

Quote:
I could stay with my current boyfriend, continue to deal with the bi-polar like kid tendencies, unsupportiveness to my goals, and unwilling to put himself out there and try new things, because besides that he's a good guy. I mean, he drives 100 miles to see me every weekend, although he never says, I know he cares.
Why would you want to possibly make someone who gives you no support your life partner? What does he do to show he cares? Driving 100 miles to see you isn't proof of that.

Quote:
Part of our 'somewhat understanding' is we needed to tell each other when something we are doing bothers one of us. So I told him a couple times when kidding around went too far, and he again just went back to telling me I'm only offended because I'm in a bad mood.
Once again, he's totally disregarded what you talked about, and is actually blaming you for him going totally overboard. Not a good sign if you really think things were going to improve.

The fact that you're here asking for advice, and this isn't the first time, should tell you that you're not in the right relationship now. The fact that you're now considering someone else should also be telling you that it's time to move on. Not neccessarily for the new guy, but from a relationship that gives you more bad times than good.

 
Old 03-30-2010, 09:39 AM   #6
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Re: Seeing yourself in two places.

cut the first guy loose and give the 2nd guy a shot

 
Old 03-30-2010, 12:02 PM   #7
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Re: Seeing yourself in two places.

lol @ rosequartz...putting it in one sentence, speed posting
i mean yeah pretty much!!!
yikes the first guy is just a hot mess... treats you bad AND it's long distance? stop at the seven month mark!
i'm sure you're a very pretty belly-dancing chica, don't waste it

 
Old 03-30-2010, 08:55 PM   #8
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Re: Seeing yourself in two places.

I think if you have this much that irritates you about your current boyfriend and find yourself interested in another guy, whether or not you've acted on it, the bf probably isn't the guy for you. Most really great relationships, I've noticed, seem to have periods where things are rough and then they get better, or just minor quirks irritate each other. Like, "honey, pick up your socks" rather than "he is an alcoholic" or "he doesn't respect me." There don't seem to be these huge issues that cause you to wonder if you and your partner really respect each other. I think the fact that you've become a bit interested in someone else is just a clue that you and your bf aren't working.

However, as you already know, definitely make a decision before you dump your bf or hook up with the other guy. I've been in your situation before and just couldn't make a decision and ended up having two guys on my plate... worst idea ever, for everyone involved.

 
Old 03-30-2010, 08:56 PM   #9
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Re: Seeing yourself in two places.

Yes, I understand what you are saying. I agree he's still disrespectful and it would be nice to hear from his mouth he cares from time to time. For the person who asked, he is not a musician, he's a performance artist such as myself.

I have another question though....

Doesn't....everyone have issues? What makes certain ones better to break up over then work through? Just seems like anyone I've dated you clearly have issues, some you work through, some compromise, and some you deal with...

Also,

I wonder how much of this is me? No but seriously, I know my current beau has issues, and they aren't something I should deal with. But on an overall scale, I feel like maybe I'm getting bored? As I said in my other post, I seem to have an 8 month curse with guys. Previous ones have been for good reason I've ended them, but I wonder if some of this currently is either me getting bored, or me knowing i'm young, recently got the copper iud (not by ANY means that I would go sleep around, I have never been that girl, and have way more self respect. I only add it because I didn't pursue so much before because I wouldn't have sex at all and I thought that would turn into a dealbreaker), and again, being a performance artist, am constantly meeting new people and whatnot. I don't know maybe that doesn't make sense. Any insight?

 
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