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Old 03-30-2010, 10:03 AM   #1
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Jelaousy of past and confused about recent

My SO is a great guy and we’ve been together for a couple of years now and things seem like they are moving towards something permanent. When we first started dating he was dating several women but none seriously as he was trying to find out what he wanted in a relationship. After we first became serious he said to me that he had to tell someone about us and pretty much break things off with her because she was more serious about him than he was about her. This was someone he knew from high school and who has had a crush on him from many years or at least that is what he told me. He also told me about how he had left something at her house and about how he guessed “it was gone” because they were not talking any more.
Recently she contacted him about giving his stuff back (this from like 4 years ago). She apparently “just found it” and so they made an appointment at a shopping center parking lot to get the stuff and he invited me to go. While we were waiting he mentioned something about it being weird because she has had kids since they knew each other. He also said that she only dated a certain race of guys (opposite of our race) when I asked if she was one of the girls from when we started dating. But then she called and said she couldn’t make it which was weird. Then he told her where we are living and that she could just leave it in the doorway.

She came over this weekend and knocked on the door and he opened it but didn’t invite her in. I saw them hug through the curtain (I was sitting down and I could just see through the doorway but I was standing at a window watching or anything). He came in and showed me the stuff and was excited to share it with me because he had told me about it before and didn’t like how he didn’t have it back from her. I didn’t say anything about her then and assumed it was the girl he told me about (maybe because of the hug).

Then me and him were sitting together reading Facebook and he said out loud “her name is now single” which is what happens I guess if people change their status (I don’t know because I don’t post mine). So I said something about her being the girl he dated before and he said “no you are confused, I never dated her, she only dates (that certain kind of guys)” and I said, “really, I was sure that was the same girl because I remember you telling me her name when you had to go “break up” with her.” He said to me “I know a lot of girls with that name and that is a different girl you are confused.”

Then he got mad with me and asked why I was so jealous of something so stupid and I said, “I don’t know” but I didn’t think I was acting jealous.
He proceded to tell me what he barely knew her from high school, how they never dated and that I was seriously confusing her with this other girl. But I was certain it was the same girl since at Christmas time he was talking with a group of old friends and he mentioned the girl by name and said something about her bothering him for all these years.

I seriously do not think that she and he have been in contact as we spend pretty much all free time together and I really trust him about that. I just find that it is weird that he is denying something that I think is true though maybe I just remember wrong.

BUT.........the weird thing is that I got a friend request from a guy who I have never heard of but was a friend of my SO on his page. So I looked at that guys profile and saw that he is the man she had babies with. He is also not of a different race. So I am really confused. I haven't accepted the friend request because I have never met him and I have no idea why he would send me a request but apparently he and she just broke up this weekend. I am really confused.

Should I ignore his request? (because otherwise it looks like I went and friended him or it will show that I was looking at his and her profiles and put two and two together but that was only after the friend request came)

I realize that I am jealous but not over her as my SO really seems geniunely aggrivated by her and looking at her profile I see tha tthey have little in common. How do I overcome jealousy?

What do you do when you are curious about your SO’s past girlfriends? Why am I so interested in his past?

Why do I not care one minute and then get consumed the next?

 
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Old 03-30-2010, 10:47 AM   #2
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Re: Jelaousy of past and confused about recent

I think you're curious because the pieces of information he has given you don't completely add up. I'm not saying your suspicious or jealous, but I think it's reasonable for you to want clarification.

On the up side, I doubt your boyfriend has any feelings for her or doing anything shady because he seems to be letting you in and being very open. If he was trying to persue or hide something, I doubt he would have asked you to come along when he was to meet her to get his stuff, or to ask her to come to the house while you are there.

My thought is that he is being on the up and up, genuinely wanted his stuff back, and I think its nice he wanted to share that stuff with you. Don't get too focused on the details of what he said before. He could have misspoken or been confused about who he was talking about.


Actions speak loader than words and his actions seem to indicate he is dedicated to you.

As for the ******** friend request, maybe you could show it to your boyfriend and see what he thinks.

Last edited by River rocks; 03-30-2010 at 10:48 AM.

 
Old 03-30-2010, 11:21 AM   #3
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Re: Jelaousy of past and confused about recent

Things certainly don't add up here! Why would she have had his stuff if they never dated? I don't know why he's lying about it? I'd be suspicious too! Usually when someone lies that means they have things to hide!

Someone may want you as a friend so they can look at things in your profile otherwise off limits! I have no one as a friend that I don't want to see anything about me. Plus I really don't list anything about myself. If someone is my friend they don't need me to spell things out, they already know me!
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Old 03-31-2010, 04:12 AM   #4
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Re: Jelaousy of past and confused about recent

you're not suspicious you're just being lied to.
your bf jumped down your throat because he's up to no good & wants to make you feel defensive.
his story does not make rational sense.
this guy probably wants to contact you so he can tell you a thing or 2 you need to know.

 
Old 03-31-2010, 05:58 AM   #5
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Re: Jelaousy of past and confused about recent

Yeah, I don't think you're being jealous, I think you have a right to be suspicious. Now, to be fair, from your post, it sounds like you asked "is she the one you had to break up with to be with me exclusively?" and he said "She only dates men of this other race." Is that right? So he never actually said he dated her. BUT...it is strange that she would have stuff of his from years and years ago, that he would actually still want. He's claiming he knew her in high school Irst he tells you he dated her several years ago, then he says he "barely knew her," and knew her in HIGH SCHOOL, she's been with someone else and has had kids, and most likely has moved a couple of times since high school, but just now found whatever it was she gave back to him? AND decided it was important enough to contact him again to give it back? That's weird.

Then he gets overly defensive and accuses you of being jealous when you catch onto his inconsistencies. Yeah, he's hiding something.

 
Old 03-31-2010, 07:44 AM   #6
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Re: Jelaousy of past and confused about recent

What would bother me is the fact that his stories DO NOT add up. They do not make sense. He is not making sense. You just simply asked a question - why is he jumping down your throat?! I dont know if you want to venture down that road, but I would want to know. You dont have to make it a big deal, but if it ever comes up again... which it seems like it will since he gets on fb/ms and she has a profile... you dont even have to wait for an opportunity, tell him his outburst bothers you... yes you may be confused... but THAT IS WHY YOU ARE ASKING. If you already knew, why would you bother to clarify? Tell him his outburst was unnecessary and that YOU ARE NOT JEALOUS. You think you are confused because nothing adds up... if she is not the girl he used to date blah blah blah... then why does she have your stuff? I mean he was obviously excited to get a good bit of his stuff back - if he barely knew her - how did she end up with all those items? Whats wrong with asking? Its just a question - you want to know and it should not be a big deal. -- tell him that because this obviously bothers you and it will continue to

 
Old 05-13-2010, 11:05 AM   #7
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Re: Jelaousy of past and confused about recent

LOL...so we ran into the girl that he dated and it wasn't actually the girl that had the things at her house. I had dates and information mixed up in my mind.

Apparently the first girl (not the ex) and her boyfriend send friend requests by the dozen because another friend of mine received a request from him and after looking at their profiles I see they each have over three hundred friends. Seems weird to me but I guess people collect friends on these sites.

The story is that I do sometimes get things mixed up in my mind and because I have jealous tendencies & it sometimes makes my SO mad.

 
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