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Old 03-31-2010, 07:43 PM   #1
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Long term tension with my sister and it's frustrating

Hi all
Thanks for your help.

My sister and I have always had a tension filled relationship. She has always given me the feeling that I have been walking on egg shells, and for the most part I avoided her as a kid.

As adults this relationship had continued, and it's frustrating and hurtful that I have to deal with it. The first time she met my husband (we were dating at the time) she walked away from the table because something her husband said offended her, which wasn't offensive. She threw a fit and never came back, leaving everyone in the restaurant to wonder what the deal was.

The last time I really saw her was at a camping trip. I was sitting in a chair, and she approached me and said "get out of my chair!" (a typical way that she addresses me) and I finally just said, please don't address me like that. She rolled her eyes. BTW, she was 29 years old at the time.

Later that night she was in my chair, so I said the same thing in order to communicate how that felt. She was so offended that the situation spired downward. and the last day of the trip she had a meltdown, was screaming at everyone including calling her husband an ****&^% in front of my parents.

She ended up blaming that on me and telling my mom that she'll never invite me again to a camping trip or anything ever. She invites my parents to things but does not tell me when she's in town. She never responds to me unless pressured by my mom.

The whole thing is sad for me and I want a different sister. I'm too old for this. I've apologized before but she gives a brief "okay whatever" response. Honestly, I really am too old for this.

She's on ******** and it brings up hurt feelings to see her on there. She doesn't even acknowledge my birthday, or invitations I send her to various things.

What should I do. I've daydreamed about hypnosis to forget she ever existed.

She refuses to have a constructive conversation. She's used to just screaming at people.


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Old 04-01-2010, 12:53 AM   #2
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Re: Long term tension with my sister and it's frustrating

Houston...we have a problem. One trick I have is to treat everyone who is persnickity, as if they were three years old.I would certainly not take to heart, any
nastiness shown to me from the kid.I have actually implemented this technique with my family.It works 100 % of the time. I read a book which has become my second
Bible.The author says that words are only "thoughts",and therefore are to be discarded.He was only interested in other people's "feelings".These he could handle.
He taught worldwide,especially in Israel/Palestinian,incindiary situations.Use this
method,and you will be able to discuss problem areas with anyone. I can,and so can you.Never start a sentence with the word "you",if it is a question.The person knows this remark is going to be a "command" to do something you want them to do. Start with something like, "I feel that we are trying to discuss" (such and such).Do not use
confrontational words like "you should" ever,ever. From someone who has been there. Bill

Old 04-01-2010, 07:15 AM   #3
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Re: Long term tension with my sister and it's frustrating

Wow, she really has problems. There isn't much that you can do about it. If she is going to act that way then be glad that she doesn't shwo up to your functions. I'm sorry that she is doing this but you have no control over her actions.

Old 04-01-2010, 03:44 PM   #4
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Re: Long term tension with my sister and it's frustrating

She probably has a personality disorder or something or she's just plain mean. You could try asking her point blank why she doesn't like you, but I doubt it'll change anything. Some people are lucky and love their families, whereas some people just have to make their friends and lovers their family and sisters. I'm the same way.

Old 04-01-2010, 06:35 PM   #5
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Re: Long term tension with my sister and it's frustrating

Wow, the responses here are really insightful and helpful. Thank you. Friend, I wish I knew the name of the book, it sounds like a must read. Thanks again

Old 04-01-2010, 06:37 PM   #6
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nikmurph HB User
Re: Long term tension with my sister and it's frustrating

I will have to google parts of your description of that book to find out the name...

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