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Old 04-01-2010, 03:58 PM   #1
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Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

Hi,

Bit of background:

I met this girl online, and it happens she lives about 2 miles away! She was the one who emailed me, and asked to meet up. This was 4 weeks ago this Saturday.

The good thing was, we both had moved far away from home (me 5 years ago, her about 7 months ago)

After texting back and forth each day, we met on Thursday night (3 weeks ago tonight) - we went out for dinner and got on great. We then went to the movies on the Sunday, and the following weekend met a few more times (on the Sunday getting initmate)

The only thing is I find this girl very difficult to read - I never know if I should hold her hand etc as she usually doesn't do it to me... anyway thats another thing!

The texting continued each day, and we would both now and again say we really liked one another.

Well we met again last Thursday and I went to hers, and she explained we couldn't get intimate again because it was her 'time of the month. I left a bit early because she was tired.

Then over the weekend she became different - we were supposed to go out on the Saturday but she wasn't feeling great, and the texting we did didn't feel as it did before, something 'lacking' - she also explained she was feeling homesick. She also got funny when I was chatting to another girl on a certain social networking website. She was also sleeping WAY LOTS! Even now...

Now she did explain to me she gets moody at her time of the month, but I'd never thought it was that significant - can it really affect women???

She did then invite me out on Sunday for lunch, which was fun, and she texted me after saying she had enjoyed herself.

Now she had plans I knew about to go back home for two weeks (she is leaving tomorrow) and ever since Monday the texting has slowly dwindled, coming to a point she doesn't say goodnight...

I did ask her in a text on Monday if she did want to keep seeing me when she comes back and she said yes of course, and I asked her last night if she fancied me (as I was feeling a bit funny about the whole thing) and again she yes yes of course.

She did invite me for coffee yesterday, which I agreed to, but she felt tired after about half an hour so wanted to go home...

She has only text me once today... and I have been initiating the texts since Monday

So I'm in two thoughts:

She did tell me she has been quite homesick at times, and I know she just wants to get back home to see friends and family - so maybe she is just preoccupied with this.

Or...

She just isn't that into me anymore, or was never really in the first place - this would be a shame because I do really like her.

Am I being irrational here?

I am also very self concious when a girl doesn't text me back, due to a nightmare of a previous girlfiend...

Any input guys?

Thanks!

Last edited by tartan_army; 04-01-2010 at 04:22 PM. Reason: extra comment

 
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Old 04-01-2010, 05:07 PM   #2
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

If you guys aren't official, I would not even lose sleep or thought over what she means/ meant did/ didn't do. If you really like her, ask her to be your gf and make it official. Everything is so much easier once everyone knows their role

 
Old 04-01-2010, 05:17 PM   #3
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

Hi,

Thanks for your reply.

I did think that, but isn't 3 weeks a bit too soon to ask her to be official?

I might do this when she comes back - if she is actually interested...!

Thanks

 
Old 04-01-2010, 06:13 PM   #4
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

Yes, 3 weeks is too soon.

And yes, it is possible for some women (especially young ones) to have a very difficult "time of the month". Some even get borderline clinically depressed!

I wouldn't put much stock in texting (even though I know it's the big thing with young people). Maybe call her to say goodnight instead. I know when I really like a guy, hearing his voice right before I go to sleep is so nice. Much better than words on a tiny screen!

When she gets back, ask her to a nice dinner and maybe a romantic stroll or a fun movie. Then, just tell her you like her a lot. No "L" or "C" word yet, you'll get there.
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Old 04-01-2010, 06:51 PM   #5
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

Too soon for what? You guys were already intimate... so, too soon to... really know her, but not to soon to KNOW HER ? While I think titles are over rated, as a female in her mid 20s, it has always been easier to KNOW what is going on. Lay the cards out. Are we hooking up when I'm in town? Is there more? How are we going to approach this? If we're just 'hooking up', I'm going to much feeling into it in fear of possibly getting hurt. So I will show just enough to show that I am interested while keeping my cool, if that makes sense?

And yes, too much texting can backfire. Call her tonight. I'm sure she'll be surprised yet delighted

 
Old 04-02-2010, 05:18 AM   #6
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

back off of her for awhile...don't text her as much. Some girls don't like being chased down so quick. If she comes back to you, then you know she likes you.

 
Old 04-02-2010, 05:59 AM   #7
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

Just a couple questions: does she still live minutes from you? or hours? You haven't 'caught' her yet so I don't think backing off is really what you want to do (if you really really like her) because someone else is just going to step in. She doesn't seem invested in you enough to turn away other suiters who may approach her. You do not have her yet. BUT you don't want to scare her away either by being TOO aggressive. You're going to figure out what balance works. All in moderations as to not come off like a stalker!!!! LOLOL.

Personally, I don't know how to beat around the bush. If I like, you will KNOW. And if we're not official, I will be flirting with other guys

 
Old 04-02-2010, 06:40 AM   #8
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

Quote:
back off of her for awhile...don't text her as much
Maybe my mind is damaged, but i got one idea. What if backing off would make her think, he lost interest in her?
It's like, you know, one stops doing something, then in response other stops too, then again in response to that the first person stop doing one more thing, and the circle continues until both say 'bye forever'?

[edit] ok "stop" might have been a wrong word, but can use the "reduce" instead. I think effect could be same tho

Last edited by NoParties; 04-02-2010 at 11:57 AM. Reason: bad wording

 
Old 04-02-2010, 10:44 AM   #9
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

I don't think anyone advised to stop completely. I advised telephone calls rather than texts to give it that "personal" touch.
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Old 04-03-2010, 05:12 AM   #10
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

I have had guys flood me with calls (before the days of texting) after dating and they seemed desperate. That is why I mentioned backing off A LITTLE! He has to act like he has a life outside of her. No girl wants a guy who is too forward and sitting around waiting for that next text.

 
Old 04-03-2010, 10:43 AM   #11
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

Oh yeah, definitely. One call every couple of days is fine. If she likes you, she won't forget about you in one or two days. In fact, she'll be happy to hear from you.
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Old 04-04-2010, 10:22 AM   #12
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

If she's visiting home and has been away for awhile, she's probably just busy!! When I used to be away at college and come home, it was always a big run around, visiting family, friends who you don't see a lot of, shopping, etc. Your routine is thrown off, so times that you might normally text or call, you might be doing something else and later realize it's too late, stuff like that. Don't keep looking for affirmation, you've asked her if she likes you and she says yes, you asked her if she wants to keep seeing you, and she said yes. So don't be all needy and keep bugging her about it. Yours is a new relationship, not quite at the boyfriend/girlfriend point where you have to check in or talk every single day. Keep yourself busy and wait for her to chat with you or text you. Toward the end of her trip, tell her that you know she's been busy with the traveling, so when she's back and settled in and wants to get together, to give you a call. Then actually wait for her to initiate some sort of get-together! Meanwhile, keep busy!!! What do you do to keep busy normally, or before you knew her? It'll help you from overthinking everything!

 
Old 04-05-2010, 04:18 PM   #13
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Re: Girl I'm dating, communication has died down... need insight!

thanks for the replies guys - but it doesnt look good!

i did send her one text yesterday basically saying hello, and i did mention she hadnt been so chatty the last few days, are we still cool, and i even said a simple hi on a social networking site, and no reply...

even if she was interested, i would have expected some sort of a reply - we were communicating loads before.

anyway in my past experience, its plain and simple, she probably just isnt that into me - so im moving on - its a bit of a shame cause i thought we did have something, but looking back there were a few things that maybe didnt quite fit between us. ive removed her from my social networking page, and deleted her number.

if she does get in touch in the future, i may respond, but im already chatting to someone else

maybe i should learn from this - i do have insecurities which i am starting to address, and i know for a fact insecurities show! so its working hard, and to the gym for me!!!

cheers guys!

 
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