I recently met a guy and we are hitting it off really good. I think he may be Mr. Right. He is very affectionate. He loves to hold my hands, kiss, cuddle, touch, all of that stuff. I know he wants to sleep with me not that he has ever pressured me to but with all of the affection that he is giving me, it's obvious that he wants to take it to the next level. I told him that I want to get to know him on a more spiritual and mental level first before ever taking it to the next level and he told me that he is willing to wait and respects me for that. However he continues to carass me and kiss my neck, hold me, etc. I really do love it when he does that, but Im just afraid that he may be more interested in my body then my mind. He says all of the right things and treats me really good. I guess I'm just worried because I have met so many men who were just after one thing, that that's all I can think he may be after too. I'm sure he just really likes me alot and wants to express his feelings.
I have no experience so my words shouldn't have a big 'weight' but following the logic, if he gives you what you want/enjoy/love, i would say it's fair for him to want something from you too. BUT, he gave you the word to wait and expect it after the mental/spiritual thing. So i'd say, remind him about it if he will try to go further before that.
Also depends on how long is the wait. is it just a week, few weeks or few years.
thanks...he displays of affection could be his way of showing me how much he is either really attracted to me or how much he may really want to be with me. I'm not sure since it is too early too tell. I guess I shouldn't worry too much. I do love the affection ...just worried that he may be more interested in my body.
And when I say wait..I'm talking about 3 months which isn't too long. I figured if a guy is really into me..he should wait. I don't want to rush into sex and then find out later that that's all he wanted...so I'm tryin to play it cool.
In my virgin days, I experienced this a lot. But I wanted to hold out. So no matter how good any of it felt, I always made sure to stop it right before. If it's something that is important to you, and he knows that it is important to you, just take it slow. Don't be affraid to say 'ok, that's enough'. I think his reaction to you stopping him will be a good indication of what he really has in mind. If he gets extremely upset, obviously he wants your goodies!!! But if he stops completely, it means he respects you and your decisions. And I'm gonna go ahead and throw this one out from personal experience- if he stops, but then continues again, and then you stop him again, and he continues again, he is passionately and sexually into you- and over all, I think this is very important.
Some guys are just 'extremely' affectionate. But the important part is that you feel comfortable- comfortable enough to tell him to take it slow.
thanks Curly. When I saw that he was going a little too far, I told him that there is plenty of time for that and that I wanted to wait and he didn't get mad at all. He just told me that he is willing to wait, but he continued to hold me and kiss me. It is obvious that he is very attracted to me sexually and again I do love the affection but Im just nervous that he may be so attracted to me that he doesnt take the time to get to to know me.
He did warn me that he is a very affectionate guy and so far he has lived up to that. I know I may be over reacting but I just want to make sure that he is sincere about being with me long term and not just out for sex which he has told me over and over again that he wants a committment and not just sex and I do know that sex is an important thing in a relationship, but I feel like there is plenty of time for that later.
It all sounds pretty healthy to me. The fact is, you need for him to be interested in you sexually or he wouldn't be willing to wait. Heck, being asked to wait might be making it even more interesting to him. The three months sounds reasonable and you might even consider planning a special night when you are ready so he has a clear signal that you are ready and happy to move forward. Good luck and enjoy. It's nice to hear a story of someone meeting a nice guy.
3 months. hmm the levels of patience of different people are different. I would suggest telling him the wait time, well if i were in his place i would like to know how long.
I might be patient, but, when there is no approximate time set, i might start wondering 'is she playing with me', or 'maybe she forgot at all', and when such thought go into mind there needs to be some reassurance and that might sound like a nag to you. But again, this is -my- point of view. I cannot guarantee that he will think same as me.
Perhaps I am over reacting. I just need to relax and stop worrying so much. He really seems to be a nice guy...almost too good to be true. Hard working too. Just last night while we were at the beach, the parking meter ran out for both of our cars and we both got parking tickets. He took my ticket and told me he would pay the $30 fine. I was quite impressed. Tomorrow we are going out as well.
I've heard this many times before from women, and I don't think I get it.
I don't get making him wait for sex as if this is THE trial that will prove that his desire of you extends beyond sex. You've practically promised him sex under the condition he waits. He already understands your reasoning for making him wait. Now, consider this. IF all he really wants is sex, wouldn't he still be willing to wait for that? If Vanessa Williams gave me the signal that I could eventually make love to her if I could satisfy her time trial of assessing my true feelings about her, why wouldn't I be willing to play along? My point here is the time trial is not the definite proof you seem to believe it would be.
My advice is if you want sex with this guy, have sex (safely, of course) with him. And then, have some more! Pace it. Most importantly, be absolutely careful not to confuse SEX with REAL LOVE at this stage of assessing him. If it turns out to be merely sex, then oh well. At least you would not have wasted your TIME with him. You were getting sex that was mutually desired, while seeing if he was a potential love. At least you would not have somehow psyched yourself out (now heavily emotionally invested) thanks to a time trial that NEVER had the strength to prove he wasn't just playing along in order to get the sex you promised him some time ago.
Last edited by mottled dove; 04-02-2010 at 11:24 PM.