AH! I really don't know what to do! I turn 15 today, so if you don't want to put up with a teenager freaking out then I advise you don't read this, but to all else who are willing to try, please help!
ok, so I got together with this guy about a week ago; last thursday, to be persise. and as the week progressed i began to see that i really didn't like him in that way, and i realized that i might have just liked him in the first place inly because he liked me... SO STUPID! we've been friends for a while, and of course i've thought about it, but then he said he cared for me, and i fought myself not to get into it, but in the end i decided to just go for it. bad idea. i started to think of ways to break it to him. we already had plans for him to come over and hang out so there wasn't much i could do before that. so he came over yesterday, and we went down to the lake up the street from my house and... he kissed me. my first kiss, and i hated it. i don't know if it was him, or me, or what, but i hated it, and i never want to be in that situation again. help, because i don't want to be a total ***** and break up with him after only a week, but i don't want to be with this guy anymore. not just because of the kiss, but he can be a real jerk, and i don't feel anything for him, and i don't know what to do... help!
Tell him that you have thought about it and that you feel you are too young to be with anybody, so cool it for a while? Then give him zero romantic encouragement; keep it friendly but strictly casual. Hopefully he will move on after a while of no romance. Be honest but kind with it.
Just as an FYI, I hated my first kiss too. It was almost gaggy. It turned out it was the guy. I was very hesitant also to ever be in that situation again (not with the rest of your concerns, but just the kiss) but when it happened it was very different. And I've never had a really bad kiss since. So as far as just the kiss is concerned, the next guy will be entirely different. It's amazing how different something as simple as a kiss can be from person to person.
Tell him you thought you were ready but you weren't, and you want to be friends like you used to be. You don't have to feel guilty or make excuses. It's your life, your body. Nice as this guy may be, you don't owe it to him to be his GF if you don't want to be. He may be hurt and withdraw for a while- just stay friendly and wait. He'll come around.
You have the right to say who you do and don't want to be with. You should never, EVER kiss or be in a romantic situation or relationship with any guy out of fear or because you don't want to look like a bad person. We all make mistakes, but you just need to be honest with him. Now is the time in life where you need to learn to say no and to say who you will and won't be with and what you will and won't do. if you don't learn to do it now, men will be taking advantage of you for years. Men can sense weakness in women the same way a wolf can instinctively pick out the weakest deer. And most of them won't respect you at all for it, but they sure as hell won't mind using it for all they can.
Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 04-04-2010 at 08:00 AM.
I agree with Larrylou's Mom, and will take it one step further. I don't know how serious this guy is trying to get, but will tell you this from my experience. There has never been any guy I regret NOT sleeping with, but there is a couple I regret sleeping with. If it doesn't feel right, break it off. This is about you, not him.
wow. you guys are always so great with giving advice. it was exactly what i needed and now i only need to figure out the "how" of this situation. any extra help on this would, too, be greatly appreciated
My only suggestion is to be as kind and honest as you can...without being too honest if it will hurt his feelings unnecessarily. Stay positive when you see him afterward and expect he'll be uncomfortable and even stand-offish for a bit but that will ease with time. If you were friends before, you can be friends after, but give him some cooling off time. His pride and his heart will be hurt for a bit.
I took all your advice (thank you by the way) and I wrote him a letter. I gave it to him yesterday, and have yet to get a response, if there is even one coming. I'm avoiding him, in a sense, because now the guilt has built up and is almost overpowering. I feel like I'm just another Ex to him now, and I don't know if what I did hurt him or something. I feel incredibly bad, not better. I mean, I know that now I don't need to pretend to like him, and I'm not dealing with the uncomfortable awkwardness any longer, but I can't help but feel terrible for what I did...
imsry28, I used to get myself in these situations ALL THE TIME. Here is my silly experiences: I'm a makeout wh0re and I love first kisses. Sometimes, my selfishness of wanting to kiss everyone backfired and I would end up 'dating' these guys that I didn't really like as a partner (but they liked me back). Sure they were fun and cool but just, not really my type. I learned that the juice is not worth the squeeze!!! The awkwardness... OMG! So from now on, try not to kiss guy friends at all until you have fully analyzed what the possible outcome could be.
LOL, I just remembered my prom night. I went with a really good guy friend. Simply just a friend who everyone swore was in love with me. We danced reggae really really close and I almost threw up. It was like dancing with my brother or something. UGH! I couldn't even look at him the whole nite!! Needless to say I didn't dance with him AGAIN! I flirted and made out with my BFF's date, who was her cousin (her bf went to boarding school and couldn't make it to our prom). LOL. In a few years you will look back at it all and just laugh .
Don't worry overly much if he doesn't talk to you for a bit. Regardless of how kind your letter was, he's going to be looking at it from his own perspective and he's going to have hurt pride and hurt feelings. Just keep it positive. If he says anything negative to you, realize it's coming from the hurt he has and just tell him, "I hope when you're not mad you can be my friend again." Keep up the message that you do care for him as a friend, and I think eventually he will come around.
You did the right thing, for you. You can't be in a relationship that makes you unhappy just to make another person happy.