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Old 04-05-2010, 04:34 PM   #1
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Is it possible to fall back in love?

I've been stuck in a love less marriage for 2 years now. I know that we must have been in love at some point, but it faded long before we got married. Now I just can't take it anymore. He bought a house and I just can't get motivated to "nest" or redecorate because I have no hope for our relationship so it feels like a wasted effort. I'm tired of being lonely. I want kids but obviously having any with him are out of the question. I'm in my late 20's and every day that goes by feels like another leap closer to being too old to start a family. I'm tired of dreading going out with other couples because it just reminds me what I'm missing.

Even if we decided to split (which he doesn't want to do). There is no way I could leave immediately. I'm trying to get into tech school so that I can get a career and the ability to be independent and support myself, but it takes a bit of time.

Is it possible to force yourself to fall in love again? Does anyone have any pointers for making the situation less depressing while I try to get on my feet so I can leave?

 
Old 04-05-2010, 06:09 PM   #2
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Re: Is it possible to fall back in love?

I don't believe you can fall in love again. Some may, but you are too out of love, I feel. To contemplate using his support and the support of your marriage to get your education and then dumping him says that both you and he will be better off out of this marriage.

 
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Old 04-05-2010, 10:54 PM   #3
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Re: Is it possible to fall back in love?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seraph View Post
I don't believe you can fall in love again. Some may, but you are too out of love, I feel. To contemplate using his support and the support of your marriage to get your education and then dumping him says that both you and he will be better off out of this marriage.

The going to school first was agreed upon by both of us. He didn't want me going to a homeless shelter. I gave up schooling to try to be the housewife he wanted and to run his business.

I fail to see how that is using his support and then dumping him?

I just thought that I could use the time to try to fix this if possible.

 
Old 04-06-2010, 12:48 AM   #4
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Re: Is it possible to fall back in love?

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Originally Posted by AWF82 View Post
The going to school first was agreed upon by both of us. He didn't want me going to a homeless shelter. I gave up schooling to try to be the housewife he wanted and to run his business.

I fail to see how that is using his support and then dumping him?
Well you failed to include that statement in your original post. I believe that's why Seraph wrote that. I agree with her.

You say that long before the marriage began, the love had faded. Love is the basic foundation for a marriage, helps couples get through life's obstacles together. A best friends type of love. Without it, it's pretty much a weak foundation. The only exceptions to this rule are those that marry for economic, cultural (like arranged marriages), personal reasons (like aging, family pressure, haven't found anyone better) etc. But even love plays a role in those too.

In my opinion, it doesn't sound like you will be able to fall in love again. You seem to be too far gone. It is possible for some people, but they are the ones who are able to "reconnect" with their significant other by 'going back' to what it was that brought forth their love in the first place. This usually happens in longer term marriages when things have 'settled' and the couple has lost touch, but both want to become closer again- This does not seem to be the case for you.

If you feel you can work out the issues that have driven you apart, then I think you should try. Begin with simple things like date nights, eat dinner together daily (or as much as possible) with no television, just talk to each other. The only way to reconnect with him is to converse with him. Go out and do activities together that you both enjoy, one-on-one.

If things don't work out, and he's truly okay with supporting your education financially while knowing full well that you'll be leaving afterwards, then I guess it's for the best and both of you can move on. I must say, that's quite a man though, I do not know of one whom would agree to that arrangement.

One other thing. You said that you gave up school in order to become the housewife he wanted. Almost like you're leading the life he's picked out for you. In the future, I wouldn't make such a drastic change if your heart is not in it. I know you did it for him, but sacrificing one's wishes often builds future resentment. I think you have some. Does that make sense? Anyway, good luck and blessings to you.

Last edited by justkeeppraying; 04-06-2010 at 01:38 AM.

 
Old 04-06-2010, 09:19 AM   #5
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Re: Is it possible to fall back in love?

You need love to sustain a marriage. You both have to feel it. Do not count on it "growing" over time. Believe me! I married my ex because he was a decent person who I got along with but the love did not grow solid on my pat....my fault for hoping it would.
And remember that bringing a child into the world in hopes that the child will make the love grow would not be wise. I know you didn't say that, but I'm only telling you in case you are considering it. Because without a solid foundation or love in your marriage the marriage will fail, and then you have children left with parents in a loveless marriage or divorced.
Start with the basis of real love, not hopes of it. Otherwise you'll be left regretting not living the life of someone truly in love.

 
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