It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-06-2010, 08:33 AM   #1
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 74
aleksia HB Useraleksia HB User
Should I trust my feelings?

I've been married for 12 years. During the entire marriage I've had a feeling that my husband feels that i am not quite competent enough, He treats me almost like a child and at the same time talks highly about different women that we know. He makes decisions what needs to be bought and when and I have very little say in our financial decisions. I have no access to our money. Whatever he gives me, that's what I have.
I posted recently about a car that he had promised me for my birthday. He didn't speak to me the whole day and didn't get me the car. Suddenly a month later he bought the car and is now proud of himself for getting me such expensive birthday gift. I got the car a week ago, but have barely driven it. Now it represents a symbol for me being degraded and I can't get myself to drive it. First, it wasn't a birthday gift as he says it was. Second, why did he first decide he can't buy the car, but a month later he bought it. Our financial situation didn't change during this time.
As soon as I bring up that he treats me disrespectfully he says that I need to see a psychiatrist and be on medication. Please help. What should I do? I don't love him, but we have 2 young children together and a house. I don't work outside the house, but I do work from home for our business and my work has brought a lot of clients to the business although he won't admit it and I have no way of proving it.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 04-06-2010, 08:38 AM   #2
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 320
curly fry HB Usercurly fry HB Usercurly fry HB Usercurly fry HB Usercurly fry HB User
Re: Should I trust my feelings?

Ugh, he sounds very controlling. I don't know how you held out for so long. No one can tell you what you should or should not do. But definitely trust your feelings and do what you think is right.

 
Old 04-06-2010, 08:47 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,349
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Should I trust my feelings?

yes ALWAYS trust your feelings and your gut instinct

 
Old 06-10-2010, 01:52 PM   #4
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 21
recovering HB User
Re: Should I trust my feelings?

Quote:
Originally Posted by aleksia View Post
I've been married for 12 years. During the entire marriage I've had a feeling that my husband feels that i am not quite competent enough, He treats me almost like a child and at the same time talks highly about different women that we know. He makes decisions what needs to be bought and when and I have very little say in our financial decisions. I have no access to our money. Whatever he gives me, that's what I have.
I posted recently about a car that he had promised me for my birthday. He didn't speak to me the whole day and didn't get me the car. Suddenly a month later he bought the car and is now proud of himself for getting me such expensive birthday gift. I got the car a week ago, but have barely driven it. Now it represents a symbol for me being degraded and I can't get myself to drive it. First, it wasn't a birthday gift as he says it was. Second, why did he first decide he can't buy the car, but a month later he bought it. Our financial situation didn't change during this time.
As soon as I bring up that he treats me disrespectfully he says that I need to see a psychiatrist and be on medication. Please help. What should I do? I don't love him, but we have 2 young children together and a house. I don't work outside the house, but I do work from home for our business and my work has brought a lot of clients to the business although he won't admit it and I have no way of proving it.
Hello Aleksia, Wow! I don't know if you got an answer to your question on this yet but it sounds very similar to my situation. Before I found out that I had OCD I found out that my husband has NPD or narcisstic personality disorder. Most of the forums will tell you to get away from this type of personality but I think there's hope. You just have to understand their motivations so you don't get your feelings hurt. I won't tell my husband of 11 years that I have OCD because yes, narcissists will tell you that you are crazy; they are notorious for that. If you have questions, I think I understand NPD pretty good so feel free to ask.

 
Old 06-10-2010, 02:58 PM   #5
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 97
della1 HB Userdella1 HB User
Re: Should I trust my feelings?

Forgive me if I sound a little confused about this, I haven't read your other threads. Could you explain why it is important what day he got you your 'birthday gift'? A lot of people don't actually get their gift on their exact birthday. I think it's very significant that he didn't talk to you on your birthday, but not that your gift was late. Also, you speak of the car representing how he has degraded you, but didn't say how he degraded you, so I'm also kind of missing the connection between the car and feeling degraded. Did he do something particular regarding the car that you didn't include in your post? I'm not doubting that your husband may have some control issues, but from your post here, it doesn't sound too bad. I mean, your husband bought you a car, so what if it was late. Did you ask him why? Was it being shipped?

 
Old 06-11-2010, 06:19 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 969
justmel30 HB User
Re: Should I trust my feelings?

I remember your last post.....and if memor serves me correctly, one of your kids, I believe it was your son, was slightly involved and upset about the car issue as well. First of all, stop talking about any of this with your kids. Keep them away from the tension, keep them out of the fights, dont make little comments, and keep them completely away from it. That's the first and most important thing you can do. They are only children once and dont need to be involved in all of your adult drama.

Second, You only have two choices. You can stay, or you can leave. If you leave, you will get assistance from him to support your children, and you can get a job and do things for yourself. It's hard, but it can be done.
If you stay, you again have two choices. You can leave everything alone, and continue the way you are going, or you can change. Who's to stop you from getting a job? What would he do in all reality? Then you have something that is yours. Tell him, if he doesn't like it, he can lump it.....or he can leave. Get involved in something. Get a makeover! Do something for you, that is inspired by you. It sounds like he's mostly a verbally abusive sort. Tune him out! Dont listen. Get up and find something to do. If you get a job, you can take your kids right out of the picture. Get them out of the house. Spend weekends with doing fun things with them. I think you getting out there and doing something would be greatly empowering and very good for both you and your children. And I dont mean that not only should you work but also keep house, run after hubby, chase down children, etc. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! Being a good parent takes a lot more brains then some of the most respected and highest paid jobs out there! So use them! Tell him he can have dinner ready, even if its mac and cheese and hot dogs. Tell him he has some chores now. And if it doesn't get done, and all he does is complain, and continue to be rude, and attempt to make life miserable so he can feel like a man, then what are you losing if you leave? Good luck!
Melissa

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks. bigshooter Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 10 05-19-2009 05:54 PM
Should I really be concerned if I trust him? Adelaide Rose Relationship Health 9 01-12-2009 11:43 AM
Should I just forgive and forget? stayd2lng4u Relationship Health 67 09-30-2008 12:07 PM
What should I do? epibatai87 Mental Health 1 06-10-2008 11:07 AM
Should i go back?? pucca_chick Depression 6 10-23-2006 04:40 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (272), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (156), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (99), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (905), Titchou (848), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (754), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:33 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!