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Old 04-06-2010, 07:45 PM   #1
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Am I crazy or am I right?

Background: I've been dating a girl I grew up with for the past 8 months now since I moved back to my hometown. Used to have a massive crush on her growing up and now we are together. She has had some bad relationship issues in the past: abusive ex-husband and ex-boyfriends (both physical and emotional). I am the type that have never or would never cheat on someone. But she still questions most of the things I do... like what I might be doing on my break for 30 minutes.

Okay, my question/story...

I recently turned her onto one of the social networking sites... rhymes with chacerook

She has reconnected to a lot of old friends... both college, high school, etc. I have been a member of this site for years now and use it for the same reason, but RARELY post on someone's page or sends messages. In fact, probably been six months since I even sent a message. But since she is new to it, she will spend 1-3 hours a day on it.

She spends a lot of that time commenting on people's pages, status, etc. Sends messages to old friends and new ones. There is a guy that went to our high school 20 years ago that she will comment on his page. He used to have a crush on her, but they were never really close friends at all. In fact, about six years ago when she moved back to our hometown, he used to show up at her work and stand in her checkout line (she used to be a checker after her divorce, getting back on her feet again).

Anyway, just a few days ago she posted something on his status about how he is going to work out and her reply was "I'm surprised you don't have women following you into the place asking you to be their personal trainer...lol." She posted this around midnight one night... the next morning, after he replied, she posted again... "Hey! I want a personal trainer too! I think you should personally train me also so I can get and stay in shape. been talking to (name removed) about helping me out because of my jiggly booty so we'll see....it's actually starting to take shape again since i started running all over the place at work. Is that possible though? To actually get a little ... See Moretoned from fast-walking and almost-running at work for 5-6 hours a day. Anyway, it's good of you to help your friend out, you always were a good guy (name removed). At least some things don't change! Miss ya!"

Of course, this bothered me. I brought it up to her that she can't post things like that... let alone do it twice in an 8 hour period... before she goes to bed then as soon as she gets up. It doesn't look right and a lot of guys (and probably girls) would get the wrong impression. That you aren't just being nice, that you are flirting with him.

We argued somewhat about it but I think she got the gist of what I was saying. But then, she again replied to something as stupid as him saying "Going to eat at Taco Casa!"

Why she keeps posting on everyone pages like this, I don't understand. It's almost like she's addicted to it, but again I told her some people will take it the WRONG WAY.

Of course I get on my computer and she hadn't logged off yet and noticed he sent her a personal message on the site... saying something like "He sweetie, thinking of you when i eat a taco too ha ha. Hope you have a great day. Be safe. Miss ya ♥ "

Now, I'm sorta ****** off because I told her what it was leading to and that she might not see it as flirting, but I consider it just that. She got defensive and deleted the guy off her page. Not what I wanted her to do. I just wanted her to STOP being so flirtatious with her posts.

She then compared it to a close friend of mine, a girl, that I was friends with in another town who I haven't seen in 10 months (we dated a couple of times, never even held hand because she told me after a couple of dinners she missed her ex and wanted to be with him... and now they are getting married). This girl has, every couple of months, said hi and "Miss ya!!!"

I don't see it at all the same. This girl was my only friend at the time in a town I knew NO ONE and the guy that is sending messages and she is posting messages on his page... someone who she wasn't close to (at all) and kinda stalked her in a way.

Am I crazy??? THOUGHT?!?!?! PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
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Old 04-06-2010, 08:40 PM   #2
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Re: Am I crazy or am I right?

I think she is just naive. It is a novelty for her and hopefully it will become a bit old. When she finds she has admitted Mr Stalker back into her life, then she will probably back off real quick. She is an adult, you cannot censor her this way. Back off a little and let her get it out of her system. Sera.

 
Old 04-06-2010, 08:41 PM   #3
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Re: Am I crazy or am I right?

I do not get the whole chacerook thing. It seems to stir up trouble.

I can't imagine she does not "understand" what she's doing. She's enjoying it. This is not to say she's going to act on anything, but I think you are correct in your concern that the other person might not think it's so casual. I don't think you are crazy or overreacting. You're stating what you believe and making reasonable requests. Now it's up to her as to how maturely she reacts.

I will add one more thing which is completely my guess/thinking in terms of what you mention about her history. One thing you need to consider is that relationship issues are rarely one sided. Yes, one side usually takes it a bit farther than the other side, but the problems are two fold. And with her acting this way and having had consistent prior bad relationships, I'd consider how much of it she has brought on with this type of behavior. If you were a hot head, this very situation might have gotten abusive already. To me this is odd behavior for someone who is in a happy relationship.

 
Old 04-07-2010, 01:15 AM   #4
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Re: Am I crazy or am I right?

If i were in your situation, and i saw someone say 'sweetie' to my girl, i would for sure be ******.

Thinking the 'miss ya' part is ok, only if it's friendly, but the heart on the end would definitely give me other vibes.

Something tells me you might not know some details about did she really was never close with that guy? I mean the "taco" thing seemed to be related to both of them if it was enough for her to mention it and he already started talking about "thinking of her".

All in all, i would get suspicious

 
Old 04-07-2010, 03:53 AM   #5
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Re: Am I crazy or am I right?

I don't think she is ready for a committed relationship yet and I have read some of your past history with females and you seem to pick the same kind each time....those that just can't get over their ex. Maybe it is time to just be by yourself and put your energy into your girls...and yourself. Get to know who you are while you do some casual dating but don't live with a female. We all have baggage but you really do have to let go of it when you are in a relationship...and it never works out to maintain any kind of relationship with other females or males. But for now this gal you are dating has discovered a whole new world through the internet and you might as well move on while she works through whatever she needs to. There is no right or wrong ...it is what it is and she isn't ready. good luck.

 
Old 04-07-2010, 07:30 AM   #6
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Re: Am I crazy or am I right?

you're not crazy.....you're right and she is out of line......

 
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