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Old 04-07-2010, 07:48 AM   #1
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zachk HB User
Unhappy Hardship after breakup

Hi guys, name's zach, age 18.
i just recantly got broken up with from a girl i've spent the last year with.
Our relationship was seemingly perfect and we had future plans of moving in together. Last night she called me, but a guy was on the phone and let me know he had previously had sexual intercourse with her just two days earlier. Then proceeded to put her on the phone and she confirmed it then broke up with me in a very cocky way.
I was so upset and angry i practically blacked out.
Since i've gotten no sleep, and i can't eat, when i do i feel incredibly nausous.
I also suffer from anxiety disorders and mild depression. I'm a thin dude already and so losing weight doesn't seem like it'd be healthy.
I need to know how to handle this, because it's all i think about, and i feel horrible.
I'd like to break her face, but that's obviously not an apporopriate option.
please help guys.

 
Old 04-07-2010, 10:15 AM   #2
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justmel30 HB User
Re: Hardship after breakup

First off, how old are you? This sounds like very young behavior on both behalfs, however you said you were talking about moving in together. Anywho, like I said, this is very immature behavior. I cant imagine that something like this would be going on and you would have seen NO sign's what-so-ever. I mean really? It caught you that off guard? Not that it makes a difference to how crappy it is to have something like that done to you, but still, I just cant imagine you noticed nothing different at all about this girl lately. Having said all that, there is no set pattern way as to how to deal with a break up. When I was younger, it was the most devastating thing in the world for me to get broken up with. It would take me months and months and crying and agony and blah blah blah nobody wanted to hear one more word of it by the time I would finally be over it. I was so sensetive about this stuff. Then I got married, and then my husband passed. Today, breakups aren't that tough for me to take. Any way it's dished either. I have seen the worst so it really pales in comparison. The best thing you can do is realize that this isn't the person for you......who cares what SHE thinks. SHE ISNT RIGHT FOR YOU. Once you establish what you want......and be realistic about it, you will start to be in a better place. It can take some time, but I have a rule of thumb. Two weeks for all things shocking and painful before you begin to heal......including death. After two weeks, you will not be over it, probably not even close. But in two weeks you will be able to sleep through the night again, eat a meal, enjoy somebody else's company, and you may even feel like getting out of the house for a while. The key to the two week rule though, is you have to want to be better. There are those who chose to stay miserable, and just wont let go of a principal even though it's taking them down. To those people, I have no advice or even tolerance for. So if I were you.....I would not let myself fall into that other group. If you want to feel better, it will come to you in time. As far as the depression and what not go, I dont have much advice other then talk to somebody. I personally think that a lot of what people call depression has much less to do with a chemical imbalance then it does a lack of coping skills. The reason for my belief in this is that why don't the medications fix it? If it were skitzophrenea or something like that......once on meds, the symptoms are gone. I'm not saying that for all depressed people, there is no chemical problem, but I do believe that for many, I think you need to learn more appropriate coping skills. So for you, it might be a matter of finding a therapist who doesn't necessarily want to drug you down, but rather want's to teach you how to grieve the loss of your relationship in a healthy manner. Good luck to you.
Melissa

 
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:52 AM   #3
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lungi HB User
Re: Hardship after breakup

Hi.. I can feel your pain. But you don't have to pull yourself down simply because she has broke your heart. Afterall life goes on. All you need to do is to take good care of yourself and to your surprised you will realised that there are a lot other girls out there who may be interested in you and they may even be a lot prettier and loving that her. Pls do not make her see you as a looser instead jst get her out of your mind (I know it may be difficult), get up and take good care of yourself. It would not feel good to you when she sees that you have even lost your wait, that will make her think that you were not just good enough for her. In short all I can say is that jst put yourself first and you will see sooner you will be happy again and who knows, you might even meet the girl of your dreams...

 
Old 04-09-2010, 09:52 AM   #4
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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zachk HB User
Re: Hardship after breakup

Thank's to both of you.
and to answer your question we're 18.
And i agree it was VERY immature behavior, which is what shocked me.
but i have recantly found out she was molested as a young girl almosther whole childhood by a step father. It's even in an old paper when he got arrested. So that helps me better understand what goes through her mind.
I am eating now, and have found it a big help to just get out of the house and hang out with friends, and talk to new girls.
Anytime i go back and think about what happend, i still feel sick to my stomach. but the innitial heartbreak is over, and i'm moving on with my life.

 
Old 04-09-2010, 10:37 AM   #5
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Re: Hardship after breakup

I've had a similar thing when I was younger. I know how you feel- I get where I can't sleep. If I do sleep, I have nightmares and wake with stomach cramps. Can't eat.

My recommendation for your weight is to drink Ensure or some other type of nutritional replacement drink. You should be able to handle liquids even if food makes you feel sick. Drink 5 or 6 a day and that should keep your weight up.

As to how you get through this pain- you just need to take the steps. Not sure where you're at. Denial, Grief, Anger, acceptance? Sounds like you're sort of in the grief/anger stage. Talk to someone, or write in a journal, or talk about it here. What this woman did to you was wrong, on so many levels. She deliberately hurt you. She could have come to you and explained on her own and let you choose to break up or work things out, instead she shoved the other man in your face and then dumped you. This was NOT your fault. She is the cheater, she is the one who hurt you with purpose. She's not worth your time. What you should focus on right now is how very LUCKY you are that you did not move in with her yet and that you found out that she is a cheater and unkind now. It may take a while for your pride and your heart to recover but you will, and you will know you are SO much better off without this person in your life.

 
Old 04-09-2010, 01:40 PM   #6
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Re: Hardship after breakup

That's rough, man. I feel for you. Time will heal. I remember my first serious girlfriend in high school--she cheated on me with a friend, and it was like having my insides ripped out. Of course, now I have the benefit of looking back and realizing how mismatched we were anyway. You'll get over this, trust me.

 
Old 04-10-2010, 10:16 AM   #7
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Location: Rocking IN. USA
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: Hardship after breakup

Think of it this way... she did you a favor showing you how she really is.

It's unfortunate she had a troubled past. That may explain part of her behavior, but it doesn't give her the right to do this to you the way you explained it.

That is not an excuse on her part.

Knowing what you know about her now, how she broke up with you.. can you really imagine yourself being with her again as if nothing ever happened?

Let it go. You are 18. Don't waste your time thinking about her anymore.

Hoop

 
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