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Old 04-08-2010, 07:32 PM   #1
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No Relationship, Big Problem

Wow, I never thought I'd be asking for help, but I'm driving myself crazy overthinking my situation, so I thought I'd ask for help or ideas.

Me: Heavy guy, workaholic, engineer, have been through 4 back surgeries since 2001. Throughout it all (the past 10 years) I've had to let some areas of my life sit idle. I've never been married. I haven't been in a relationship during this time, because spending a few years in constant pain kept me from even thinking about a relationship.

Her: Normal size. Business owner, never been married. Devout Christian. I've met her through her business. A bit shy.

I'm a client of one of her employees. My surgeon suggested massage therapy a few years ago, and I moved to this location about 3 years ago. I saw her infrequently, but recently they downsized, so I see her almost every day before I see my therapist.

My heart skips a beat every time I see her. Over the past 2 years, I've been able to talk them into stopping over at a restaurant and treating her and my therapist to a dinner or 4. This past Valentine's Day, I had the courage to get her and my therapist each some roses and Godiva chocolate (I'm cowardly enough to not let figure out I care for her). Both were thrilled.

So my dilemma is this, how do I get the courage to tell her how I feel? I'm also considering the possibility that she may be horrified and ask me not to come back. It's hard to find a good massage therapist.

I'm not afraid of commitment, but I am terrified of rejection. I haven't even cared about a woman since my surgeries began. But I've been pain free for a couple of years now, and my life is getting back in order. I've even considered another surgery for weight reduction.

I'm rambling, so I need to stop. If anyone can share something positive, I would greatly appreciate it.

wb

 
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Old 04-08-2010, 07:55 PM   #2
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Cool Re: No Relationship, Big Problem

You don't need to tell her how you feel just yet. I would ask her out without the therapist and the 4th person, whoever that is. Otherwise, the wrong people might start thinking you're interested in them and also it could get quite expensive for you. Or at least slowly back off of the group dates. You can go on a very casual date with her, and then another group date occasionally. See how she responds to a one on one lunch or date, don't rush anything. You can move slow. Eventually you'll get an idea how she feels about you. If you still don't know how she feels about you: repeat the above. When you feel more comfortable, you can finally reveal your true feelings!

Last edited by goingdaffy; 04-08-2010 at 07:58 PM.

 
Old 04-08-2010, 08:38 PM   #3
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Re: No Relationship, Big Problem

Sorry I wasn't quite clear. By a dinner or 4, I had meant that I had treated them at least 4 times in the past year or so. It's only myself, the owner, and the MT. That sentence did look funny when I read it back.

wb

 
Old 04-08-2010, 08:48 PM   #4
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Re: No Relationship, Big Problem

Ask her out for coffee or lunch. Ask only her because otherwise it will be unclear whom you are interested in. After that ask her our for lunch again. Hint that you are interested in her. I know, rejection is painful, but if you don't ask her out, you may end up regretting it for the rest of your life and wondering what if?

 
Old 04-08-2010, 09:16 PM   #5
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Re: No Relationship, Big Problem

Aleksia-

You are right. My MT has a SO, so there should be no issue there, but I don't want to unintentionally send signals to her.

I need to get the courage to talk to her. The bad thing is that she also has to work long hours and her lunch is 5 minutes in between her own clients.

wb

 
Old 04-08-2010, 11:43 PM   #6
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Re: No Relationship, Big Problem

Ask her to go out with you for coffee. It sounds as if you know each other well enough that she won't find that strange. Then go from there. You may have to go out for coffee/lunch more than once for you to find out how she feels about you. May I ask how old both of you are? I am also curious about you considering weight reduction surgery. Is that because of the woman you are interested in or would you consider it anyway? I wish you courage and the best of luck. You sound like a nice guy and generous, as well.

 
Old 04-09-2010, 06:05 AM   #7
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Re: No Relationship, Big Problem

I'm 45 and she's 35. A bit of a difference, but she's gone through a few things that have forced her to grow up more quickly than her peers.

And the weight loss surgery is something I would do to help me, as well as for her. It's something in the back of my head, so I need to explore it as an option.

wb

 
Old 04-11-2010, 07:39 PM   #8
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Re: No Relationship, Big Problem

I'm also wondering how best to deal with the fact that I'm dealing with her at her place of work, versus having met her in a non-work capacity. It's her business and I'm as proud of her for taking the leap as she is.

I'm really afraid of the fact that if she doesn't take the fact that I'm attracted to her well, I'll be searching for a new place to do.

wb

 
Old 04-12-2010, 06:44 AM   #9
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Re: No Relationship, Big Problem

There are other message therapists out there, I'm sure you can find another one if things don't work out. I wouldn't worry about that until it happens (if it does). Just relax and not work yourself up about it. If things don't work out like you would like, it will be ok. She may have a policy that she doesn't date clients one on one regardless of how she feels about you. You'll never know unless you ask.

 
Old 04-12-2010, 07:58 AM   #10
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Re: No Relationship, Big Problem

Luckily, I'm not her client. Maybe that will work in my favor.

wb

 
Old 04-12-2010, 09:18 AM   #11
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Re: No Relationship, Big Problem

I think that you should ask her out. A massage therapist is easier to find than somebody you are attracted to. If it doesn't work out, you can change massage therapist. If you ask her out, you'll know where you stand instead of having regrets later in life and asking yourself what if.

 
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