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Old 04-08-2010, 10:32 PM   #1
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In love in two weeks - is it possible?

Those of you who remember me from my last failed relationship please bear with me. I've met a new guy, very shortly after the last breakup with the spy guy that I had been dating about 8 months.

I met this man, a man of ethiopian descent and we had the most amazing first date which extended into the entire weekend, unexpectedly. Date one was going out to dinner and dancing, date two was brunch with his son, date three was him coming to brunch with my friends and acting like he was my boyfriend already. He lives about 2 hours away. Before date four and about a week after meeting he told me that he was in love with me, that he knew it was crazy and too soon but that was how he felt. we text and speak every night, date 4 I went to his home and spent the night, again, we had the most fantastic time. He's 52, divorced two grown kids, I'm 42, divorced no kids. When he told me he loved me I said I Loved him too, but I'm more in love with being in a relationship and being with him than truly in love with him. I have no doubt that I will fall in love with him, right now I adore him, I take a while to fall in love.

But I told him that I loved him too. Now he tells me things like he has no doubt I'm the one, that he wants to go to certain places for our honeymoon, that i fulfill all of his senses, this has never happened to him before but he's so smitten with me, he's deeply in love, he gave me the key to his apt. i have him mine. he brings me flowers, he picks me up at the airport. He wants to take me to his home country, that he sees our lives together. He told his friends that we are already talking marriage, although we haven't. He says that I complete him (corny), that he can die a happy man now, that he loves the way I adore him, that he loves being a part of my life. He wants to meet my family, talk to my dad.

I'm just totally overwhelmed and I am falling for him and I will be deeply in love with him. Those of you that know me know that I want to be in a committed relationship, I've just recently started to consider marrying again. He excites me, everything about him appeals to me, his spirituality, the way he interacts with others, the way he looks, dresses, smells, he is just amazing in bed, our chemistry is out of this world.

But then, sometimes in between the effusiveness, he gets quiet and I get worried and then he comes back with how much he adores and loves me and hates being without me. He wants me to try and telecommute from where he lives. Then occasionally he's very quiet and I wonder, did he change his mind?

Is this for real? I want it to be, he says that he's nothing without me, what is that all about? I'm definitely something without him. He's not born here, is this normal for his culture? I love all of it but I do think that as quickly as he fell in, he could fall out. He says that he slept with his ex wife on the first date and stayed married to her for 11 years. He's opening a business and wants me to join, he wants us to work together and do projects together. I told him that I want to go live overseas at some point and he said he would, without a doubt, go with me.

I don't think he's lying about any of this, I just wonder if he can sustain it. And why do I worry so much, he's so effusive and pays so much attention to me that any change in that behavior and I start to freak out and think he's changed his mind. Today he texted me bfore I woke up, called me to say he loved me so much, texted me again to tell me the same and that he wanted me to call him, but when I did he was distant and quiet. I know he was just tired but I suddenly start to think, there he goes, he's changed his mind.

I'm insecure, I want to be in love with him and want him to love me. Have any of you ever been in a situation like this? Does it sound real, good, worrisome? Can it be for real? I'm so hurt by my last relationship that I always feel that I'm going to do or say something wrong and he'll just leave me. To me, this is ideal, I just keep thinking that shortly, he will burn out or change his mind.

 
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Old 04-09-2010, 06:24 AM   #2
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

Sounds like when he gets quiet, maybe it's because something isn't right with his life yet. There is a roadblock and he doesn't or can't let you in on it yet. Seems like he has a reality check with himself, but moves on as fast as he can back to lust and escape. Sounds like maybe you are an escape for whatever is bothering him. Sit him down and ask him lots of questions. He also sounds like he wants a fast relationship too, but I suggest slow down for now and get to realy know each other. Is money important in this relationship? Do either of you make more than the other?

 
Old 04-09-2010, 08:09 AM   #3
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

reba, slow down.....
no it's not love in two weeks.....it's infatuation and hormones
you don't know enough about this man yet, and my guess is that he's moving so fast, falling in love, planning your honeymoon, etc....he could be controlling. Don't get yourself locked into anything. You're not in love, you say so yourself.....you WANT to be in love with him......but you're not. You're settling because he gives you some sense of security, but it's false security. I'd be very leery of this man, all is not what it appears to be. Have you thought of doing a background check on him?

 
Old 04-09-2010, 09:19 AM   #4
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

Reba, I'm happy that you found someone new who makes you happy. But I'm concerned that you're moving way too fast.

Don't beat yourself up over it, I have that problem, too. When I first meet someone, I want the whole thing right away because it's so exciting and so much fun! But it's always later, after a month or two have passed, that I realize my own error in rushing things because that's when I start seeing little mini red flags that I ignore, which end up burning me in the end. So, I'm just saying I'm guilty of jumping in with both feet way too fast myself, so I know how it is.

I just urge you to slow down and take it easy. You need to get to know the guy for real, who he really is and what he is really about before you start talking about getting married. After two weeks, it's just the high and the rush of having someone new that is interested in you again. You have to allow things to progress slowly enough so that you can figure out if he is genuine or if he has some kind of ulterior motive.

 
Old 04-09-2010, 11:43 AM   #5
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

I've felt just like you do before. All I can say is whenever I jumped to quickly into a relationship........it wasn't long after that I got to know the "real" them. It's normally not anywhere near the person they presented themselves to be and by that time.....youve put a little too much out there a little too quickly and getting out while keeping your shirt on your back can be tricky at best if not impossible. I do not think it's love. I agree that it is hormones and lust....but also a form of manipulation. Men can spot a needy woman a mile away. Some run, and others will turn you every which way but lose. So if your insecure and really desireing a long term relationship....my guess is this guy caught onto it within 5 minutes and in some respect is playing you. What for? God only knows! It could be your house, your money, maybe your great arm candy.....who knows. But I would bet a million dollars theres an ill intention in there somewhere. Slow down and dont let him set the pace. Best of luck to you.
Melissa

 
Old 04-09-2010, 11:56 AM   #6
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

Hi Reba,

I've been in your shoes where I "thought" I fell in love on the first date, well, turned out I was really "infatuated".. I did end up loving this guy but as I got to know him I found out things about him that just didn't sit right with me yet I hung in there because I kept hoping things would change and it didn't..

Get to know this guy, tell him you want to slow down.. Infatuation is a fantastic feeling but it does wear off and then reality sets in..

Who knows? Maybe this guy is for you, maybe not.. Only really getting to know each other as well as time will tell..

I wish you the best!
Sunny

 
Old 04-09-2010, 12:49 PM   #7
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

I second whatever the other members are saying. Be careful and

...

on no account do the business thing with him. Don't become a business partner,

at least not until you know this man well enough and where he is coming from.

Enjoy but keep your eyes open.

Last edited by pendulum; 04-09-2010 at 12:49 PM.

 
Old 04-09-2010, 01:11 PM   #8
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

I missed the part where he said he wants you to "join" him in his business. Does that involve investing any of your own money? If so, you can bet it's your money he's after. He figures he can sucker you in with all the "love" talk and get you hooked, then bam! After all, no way could a guy fall in "love" after only a couple dates!

ANY guy who wants to move that quickly has an agenda. It may be as simple as, he needs a place to live, he needs money, he needs a car, he wants someone to invest in his business, he has nowhere else to go, he's a player who wants to use you for some reason...I advise extreme caution. And hang on to your money! Do NOT allow him to move in, do NOT give him any "investment" money, do NOT move in with him...for a good 6 months at least.
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Old 04-09-2010, 02:08 PM   #9
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

Alright, there's a lot going on here that raises red flags.

But, to the original question--in love in two weeks? Well, although I do believe that love is something which grows over time, my wife and I both say that we knew within the first week that we would be together for the long haul. Something just clicked. It was probably a month before we actually used the "love" word, just because it's awkward to throw it out there too soon. But, we've been together for going on eight years, have our first child, and still say that we knew almost instantly that we'd be here, together, today.

 
Old 04-09-2010, 05:45 PM   #10
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

Let's all hope that she sees this before it's too late.

 
Old 04-10-2010, 10:40 AM   #11
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by reba423 View Post
T

..... I met this man, a man of ethiopian descent ......
mmmmmm ..... Ethiopia is not a neighboring country to Nigeria!..

Why am I reminded of the Nigerian letters I keep getting .. where i am the beneficiary of a gazillion dollars... and the promise of marriage to an inflatable doll.

Ohhh !!! maybe it is because these two countries rest on the same tectonic plate .... I'm sure of that!!!


HOOP!!!!!

 
Old 04-10-2010, 11:54 AM   #12
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by reba423 View Post
Those of you who remember me from my last failed relationship please bear with me. I've met a new guy, very shortly after the last breakup with the spy guy that I had been dating about 8 months.

I met this man, a man of ethiopian descent and we had the most amazing first date which extended into the entire weekend, unexpectedly. Date one was going out to dinner and dancing, date two was brunch with his son, date three was him coming to brunch with my friends and acting like he was my boyfriend already. He lives about 2 hours away. Before date four and about a week after meeting he told me that he was in love with me, that he knew it was crazy and too soon but that was how he felt. we text and speak every night, date 4 I went to his home and spent the night, again, we had the most fantastic time. He's 52, divorced two grown kids, I'm 42, divorced no kids. When he told me he loved me I said I Loved him too, but I'm more in love with being in a relationship and being with him than truly in love with him. I have no doubt that I will fall in love with him, right now I adore him, I take a while to fall in love.

But I told him that I loved him too. Now he tells me things like he has no doubt I'm the one, that he wants to go to certain places for our honeymoon, that i fulfill all of his senses, this has never happened to him before but he's so smitten with me, he's deeply in love, he gave me the key to his apt. i have him mine. he brings me flowers, he picks me up at the airport. He wants to take me to his home country, that he sees our lives together. He told his friends that we are already talking marriage, although we haven't. He says that I complete him (corny), that he can die a happy man now, that he loves the way I adore him, that he loves being a part of my life. He wants to meet my family, talk to my dad.

I'm just totally overwhelmed and I am falling for him and I will be deeply in love with him. Those of you that know me know that I want to be in a committed relationship, I've just recently started to consider marrying again. He excites me, everything about him appeals to me, his spirituality, the way he interacts with others, the way he looks, dresses, smells, he is just amazing in bed, our chemistry is out of this world.

But then, sometimes in between the effusiveness, he gets quiet and I get worried and then he comes back with how much he adores and loves me and hates being without me. He wants me to try and telecommute from where he lives. Then occasionally he's very quiet and I wonder, did he change his mind?

Is this for real? I want it to be, he says that he's nothing without me, what is that all about? I'm definitely something without him. He's not born here, is this normal for his culture? I love all of it but I do think that as quickly as he fell in, he could fall out. He says that he slept with his ex wife on the first date and stayed married to her for 11 years. He's opening a business and wants me to join, he wants us to work together and do projects together. I told him that I want to go live overseas at some point and he said he would, without a doubt, go with me.

I don't think he's lying about any of this, I just wonder if he can sustain it. And why do I worry so much, he's so effusive and pays so much attention to me that any change in that behavior and I start to freak out and think he's changed his mind. Today he texted me bfore I woke up, called me to say he loved me so much, texted me again to tell me the same and that he wanted me to call him, but when I did he was distant and quiet. I know he was just tired but I suddenly start to think, there he goes, he's changed his mind.

I'm insecure, I want to be in love with him and want him to love me. Have any of you ever been in a situation like this? Does it sound real, good, worrisome? Can it be for real? I'm so hurt by my last relationship that I always feel that I'm going to do or say something wrong and he'll just leave me. To me, this is ideal, I just keep thinking that shortly, he will burn out or change his mind.

******


The relationship fireworks, love, great sex, talking of marriage and other
committments! I know it feels wonderful and yes from experience.

It sounds really important to you to maintain a relationship with your
man. Nothing wrong with that. I see you are very interested and have
feelings for him and visa versa. That is really nice also.

Do you feel a quiet satisfaction when you both are together or does
it feel more like an intense mountain climb with lots of excitement of
reaching the top?

How much do you know about his past? Why he divorced with his
last wife etc?

I think you both should experience more together with just daily
things. Not the rushed end of things. With genuine relationships
time is a good thing. Share more of life experiences together,
because they will unfold and happen and wouldn't you like to
have a better feel of things as you go along?



Enjoy your time together but get to know him much better!

That is my input.

Little ole Janaly

p.s. something from your posting rings loud to me of a possible
question factor with you fella. I hope it is not so. Just a passing
moment I guess.

Also be just a little careful of your man asking for money...for a
sick relative etc. Do not cash any checks for him would be another
little suggestion. Also do not deposit any money orders for him
into your account. There would be a possibility he might ask you
to wire funds to him once he got back to his country. Please just
be very very careful. But don't lose your happiness with your fella
just because of my comments ok.

Did you by chance meet him on a dating website? Nothing
wrong with that. I was just wondering?





Keep us posted and let us know how things are going for you
Reba. I have not yet read the other posts on your thread but
will do so now.

I wish you both the best if things continue to more forward and
you are happy than that would be wonderful.
__________________
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but not with perfect success.

Last edited by Janaly; 04-10-2010 at 06:35 PM.

 
Old 04-10-2010, 01:18 PM   #13
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
I missed the part where he said he wants you to "join" him in his business. Does that involve investing any of your own money? If so, you can bet it's your money he's after. He figures he can sucker you in with all the "love" talk and get you hooked, then bam! After all, no way could a guy fall in "love" after only a couple dates!

ANY guy who wants to move that quickly has an agenda. It may be as simple as, he needs a place to live, he needs money, he needs a car, he wants someone to invest in his business, he has nowhere else to go, he's a player who wants to use you for some reason...I advise extreme caution. And hang on to your money! Do NOT allow him to move in, do NOT give him any "investment" money, do NOT move in with him...for a good 6 months at least.
******
Redneon,

Wisely said and good food for thought.
Good solid advice for Reba to consider and think on.

Be happy Reba and exercise good common sense and caution.
If in spite of that, you remain hopeful and feel genuinely safe
in this relationship that "happiness to you both"
__________________
Intercystial Cystitis
Cervical Neuralgia
Insomnia challenges
Allergic to Shellfish
*all are being treated*
but not with perfect success.

 
Old 04-10-2010, 01:53 PM   #14
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

Everything he's telling you that's sweeping you off your feet would scare me to death.

 
Old 04-10-2010, 03:13 PM   #15
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Re: In love in two weeks - is it possible?

Reba, please don't feel like we're raining on your parade or something. Everyone is just urging you to take it slow and definitely don't be merging any finances anytime soon.

You've been burned before, as most of us have, so just don't jump into this too quickly. It's absolutely possible that he is a great guy and things could totally work out. But there's also a chance that he could be a con artist. The point is just that you don't know for sure, and you won't know unless you take the time to get to know him before you make any kind of solid commitment, particularly of a business nature.

Have a lot of fun but just keep your eyes wide open and trust your gut instinct. If something seems "off" or too good to be true, be wary.

 
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