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Old 04-09-2010, 11:32 PM   #1
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Unhappy Envy issues!!! Arrgh!

I want to know from you ladies (and guys) out there if you deal with this issue.

A little background info.: I'm not envious of everybody or anybody in my life, just certain ones; a couple friends (who I'm not that close to because I know I tend to get envious over things and I don't want that in a friendship) and of all people I tend to get envious of my sister!

For example (I have many!) I just got off the phone with my sister and she was telling me which frig she bought, and she knew we were in the market for one too. She ended up getting a style that we will not be able to get even though I would LOVE to (not because of $, but because of size). She wasn't trying to brag, but I instantly started to get envious. I'm also envious that she has a new LARGE house. Her son is also 2 months apart from my son and when ever they get together (few times a year- they live far) I want my son to out smart him, out read him, be better at everything than him etc (I know not to voice this to my son so he has no clue I have issues).

I'm trying to figure out why I get envious of some of my friends and not others and I realized that those who have kids very close in age as my son, or those friends who are all about the same age as me...; basically we have a lot of things in common, they are the ones I get envious over. BTW, my sister and I are 7 years apart, but we are also very similar (same profession, similar personalities). I have another sister who is 3 years apart from me and I don't get envious of her at all. Her husband makes twice as much as my DH, but that's OK, that doesn't bother me. They live in a beautiful elite area, and that doesn't bother me too. Our personalities are more different than similar but we get along (we didn't when we were younger- wow, talk about cat fights!)

One of my friends has a neat and tidy and clean home. She LOVES to clean. I wish I loved to clean but I've never been that way and I probably will never be. Not that I'm a slob, but compared to this friend, yes I am a slob! But I'm envious that her home is sooo perfect. I have another friend who has a child close in age with mine, we are in the same profession, she makes about the same amount as me, she is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! and we travel a lot together but I am not envious of her at all! I should be according to my trend, but I'm not! Why?

I know no one is perfect but how can I get over this icky feeling?
I will admit that there are certain things in my life that would trigger an envious response in some of my friends (like I love to travel all over the world and I have the privilage to do so, not work related but for pure leisure) but I don't ever advertise how wonderful it is, or that they should join me or that they should go to this place or that place, etc.

Do others deal with this issue to this extent? Do you think I need professional help?

Sorry this is so long

Last edited by 2CBK; 04-09-2010 at 11:43 PM.

 
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Old 04-10-2010, 11:20 PM   #2
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Re: Envy issues!!! Arrgh!

wow, I'm impressed, nobody deals with being envious? Good for you! What's your secret then?

 
Old 04-11-2010, 07:52 AM   #3
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Re: Envy issues!!! Arrgh!

I think you just need to accept what you have and if there's something else you want then work toward the goal of getting it. Comparing yourself to other people is pointless because everyones' situation is different and everyone has different reasons why they have what they have and others don't. So you really just need to find a way to suck it up and not worry about what other people are doing or what they have that you don't have. Be happy with what you have and if you want something else then it's your responsibility to work toward getting it.

Material things mean nothing anyway because you can't take it with you. So I think you should concentrate more on things that actually matter like, health, family, love, and friendship. Everything else really doesn't matter all that much.

 
Old 04-11-2010, 06:16 PM   #4
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Re: Envy issues!!! Arrgh!

I used to be envious of some people who seemed to have the perfect life. Then I decided I would start doing what I wanted, not what everyone else was doing or what people expected of me. I was sort of pushed into this because I got laid off, and no longer had money to keep up with everyone else anyway. I got busier doing what I wanted to do and didn't have time to worry about what everyone was doing. I am not perfect or have not "arrived" completely by any means, but if you start a hobby or start doing something you really enjoy, you will soon forget about everyone else.

 
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