I have been with my girlfriend for a year now and we are so very happy. She started telling me about her past the other day and it made her very upset. She told me that she had very low self-esteem in her teenage years. She told me she lost her virginity at 15 to a stranger in a park. Another time she went to the pub and had sex with some random guy. Then she had a bf and another bf after that. Then there is me.
I love her so much and she loves me. She is not the same girl anymore and is very ashamed of her past. I told her that I love her for the woman she is today.
She said that she had low self esteem and whenever she had sex with these people she never had any pleasure from it, she hated it. She told me she only started liking sex and feeling pleasure since me and her have been together....she said the thing that was missing with the other guys was love.
Love she has for me.
I told her i still love her and want to be with her. She is a completely different person now. She said her past hurts her. I sometimes get sad about how she would have sex with those two strangers. Cos i value intercourse and waited for the right person.
She tells me shes ashamed and wishes i was her first.....i need to get over all this, at the same time let her know I am not judging her and i love her.
--today, she has a great job, loved by everyone and is well thought of by everyone.
Last edited by AustralianKing; 04-13-2010 at 06:20 AM.
I'm sorry but, where's the problem? That you both need to get over her past? My opinion is, your girlfriend's past is her past and it really shouldn't cause you to bat an eye because you are with her and you love her. Just shrug it off. As far as her, it seems like she still has self esteem issues and that is the part she needs to work on. Its great that she has you for support, but you need to understand that it is her battle and it really has nothing to do with you. I say this because I don't want you to take it personal. Her admission and her actions have nothing to do with you as a person. This is her 'demon' that she is struggling with and can hopefully get over it soon. And all she could really use from you is your support (which you are already doing so, good job!!!!).
If she is 'not that girl anymore' she should applaud herself from learning from her mistakes instead of dwelling on it! Really, leason learned- she knows she doesn't want to be 'that girl' anymore. Life is all about making mistakes and learning how to make it right. 'Sexual pasts' are such small parts of life. I hope she's able to look to the future and worry about more important things.
OK, the past is the past--to a certain extent. I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I would have an issue if my significant other had a seriously promiscuous past. Not so much because of what was done--I agree, what's done is done--but because the past is sometimes very good at predicting the future, too.
This "past" that we are talking about is her childhood. Girls who don't get enough attention from from their parents (especially their fathers) often are promiscuous when they are young. As long as they grow up and become more mature later then they will be fine. As a high school teacher I've seen evidence of this many times. Also, my best friend in high school was like this. She had low self-esteem and her parents were mostly absent from her life. She would have sex with any fellow who gave her a second look. She had many problems due to this including an std and an unwanted pregnancy. But, by the time she was in her late teens, she had learned her lessons and no longer acted out in that mannor.
So I wouldn't worry about it. Be glad that she realizes that she made mistakes. It means that she has matured.