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Old 04-13-2010, 08:49 AM   #1
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out of sync sex life taking a toll on relationship

Hi,
I tried to ask this on the sexual health boards...no one answers. I need help..

Sex used to be great with my boyfriend and I. (2-3 times a week.) He used to really want to "satisfy" me and he knows how. But over the past few months sex has dropped to about once a week and its usually a quickie (he gets satisfied) but I don't. He initiates early in the mornings when my body does not respond..I am too tired. He is too tired at night.

It is taking a toll on me. I have discussed it with him. His only excuse is that he is tired and not usually in the mood at night (when I am) and he is "ready" in the early mornings (when I am not...therefore the quickie).

This happened again this morning. I got only 5 hours of sleep because he woke me up to have sex. Of course I did not "respond". I was dead tired and now I have to deal with being tired all day. It makes me mad!

I get turned down when I initiate in the evenings/night and he is tired. Then I end up "pent up". So what do I do? Deny him sex in the mornings so that he waits until it is a good time for both of us? If I do that...we will have sex about once a month! Not enough!! I want a good, satisfying sex life!

I am sorry if this is TMI. I just really need help because I feel a disconnect not only due to lack of sexual satisfaction but it makes me feel less happy in general. Thx for any advise you have.

RG

Last edited by randys gal; 04-13-2010 at 08:52 AM.

 
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Old 04-13-2010, 10:19 AM   #2
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Re: out of sync sex life taking a toll on relationship

i had the same problem before, honestly its just about communication. its not fair for him to only want sex when ur tired but hes ready for it. he has to compromise. thats what relationships are all about. but tell him you want to have sex more, and if yall needa go to bed earlier then do it. or after work....when hes in the shower hop in there with him. change some things up... if u dont talk to him about it. take it in your hands and start kissing n feeling on him prior to going to bed... like watching tv in the evening or before/after dinner. change the routine so he cant say hes tired.... itll still be before bedtime. thats what i did, and we started having sex alot more. good luck
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Old 04-13-2010, 10:30 AM   #3
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Re: out of sync sex life taking a toll on relationship

I have been married for 4 years and while my situation isn't identical to yours, I can say that sometimes if you do something for awhile, it can become "routine" or "boring" for some.

Not to say YOU are boring, but perhaps he feels the routine isn't fun anymore and would rather skip it or make it quick. Is he under a lot of stress from his work or personal life?

And it's not like he doesn't want sex with you. You should try to make it work in the morning, this is when he is at his "best" and it seems to be more of a communication problem...you should try to compromise.
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Old 04-13-2010, 11:04 AM   #4
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Re: out of sync sex life taking a toll on relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by kewlgirl View Post
I have been married for 4 years and while my situation isn't identical to yours, I can say that sometimes if you do something for awhile, it can become "routine" or "boring" for some.

Not to say YOU are boring, but perhaps he feels the routine isn't fun anymore and would rather skip it or make it quick. Is he under a lot of stress from his work or personal life?

And it's not like he doesn't want sex with you. You should try to make it work in the morning, this is when he is at his "best" and it seems to be more of a communication problem...you should try to compromise.
Thanks for the advice. I feel I have been compromising my eyes out, lol!!
I've tried to ask him about going to "bed" early... making "plans", etc.
Honestly I think it may be a perfomance anxiety. (some ED issues) He does not have performance issues early in the AMs but seems to have less ability to perform any other time. HOWEVER, I don't know why that means he has to avoid pleasing me?

As far as things becoming routine, I don't know how I can change the routine if he only shows interest between 3-6am.

Last edited by randys gal; 04-13-2010 at 11:05 AM.

 
Old 04-13-2010, 11:08 AM   #5
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Re: out of sync sex life taking a toll on relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricPassion07 View Post
i had the same problem before, honestly its just about communication. its not fair for him to only want sex when ur tired but hes ready for it. he has to compromise. thats what relationships are all about. but tell him you want to have sex more, and if yall needa go to bed earlier then do it. or after work....when hes in the shower hop in there with him. change some things up... if u dont talk to him about it. take it in your hands and start kissing n feeling on him prior to going to bed... like watching tv in the evening or before/after dinner. change the routine so he cant say hes tired.... itll still be before bedtime. thats what i did, and we started having sex alot more. good luck
I tried the kissing and touching in the eves before bed. Then I ask if he is coming to be with me, and he says he'll be right up after me, but that never happens. Instead he lingers downstairs, even after I show this affection.

It is just sad that he either does not want sex as much anymore or he is having a physical issue that is preventing it. I have asked him several times if it is me (something I am doing or not doing, my appearance, something he is upset about...anything) and he denies it is me.

 
Old 04-14-2010, 07:42 AM   #6
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Re: out of sync sex life taking a toll on relationship

ED meds do work wonders. Is he willing to try that?

 
Old 04-14-2010, 09:42 AM   #7
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Re: out of sync sex life taking a toll on relationship

Does he masterbate during the day? Sometimes men will use all their sex drive on porn and masturbation, therefore they are not in the mood for their partners.

 
Old 04-14-2010, 11:13 AM   #8
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Re: out of sync sex life taking a toll on relationship

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Originally Posted by trystme View Post
ED meds do work wonders. Is he willing to try that?
He has Viagra. But he only uses it sparingly, like when we have a night out and a few drinks. He does not use it on a regular basis. I suppose I could ask him to. But they only give him 6 pills a month! Maybe he can talk to his doc about getting more.

 
Old 04-14-2010, 11:14 AM   #9
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Re: out of sync sex life taking a toll on relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by fcp View Post
Does he masterbate during the day? Sometimes men will use all their sex drive on porn and masturbation, therefore they are not in the mood for their partners.
I do not know how often he is using porn/masterbation. I could ask him but I don't want to offend him either.

 
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