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Old 04-13-2010, 10:40 AM   #1
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Exclamation do i trust him?

this might be long but i really need some insight.

I was cheated on by my ex of 2 yrs and it was more than once with several games to the relationship. it truely messed me up and i ended it and stayed single for 2 yrs til i felt i was ready to date again

well i started dating a guy thats 25yrs old a few mnths back. and everything has been PRETTY good. Hes honestly the best guy i have ever met. He treats me better than you could imagine a guy treating a woman. but i do have some concerns.

He said he loved me... a while ago. and i truely do love him. but after he said it... like a month later he said hes not sure hes over his ex (from like a yr n half ago... he proposed and she said no) but now like 2 mnths later he tells me he loves me all the time and is excited for our future. etc. this is a man i could marry.... but part of me wonders if he still thinks bout her or wishes he was still with her.... u kno? also... that girl he proposed to... well he cheated on her in the middle of their relationship. but she never knew, but he told me that he had cheated a few times in his earlier days...

and it makes me question if hed cheat on me. if he could do that to someone he loved enough to want to marry. but he knows my past of being cheated on... and he told me he would never do it... that hes outgrown that and just wants to settle down. since then i have moved in with him.

but were both military so if either of us go on deployment.... i worry if he would while he or i was gone. =/ should i trust him? hes given me absolutly no reason not to... just what he has told me has left me... nervous.
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Old 04-13-2010, 12:50 PM   #2
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Re: do i trust him?

I'm pretty cynical and usually I'd say "once a cheater, always a cheater" or "of course he'd cheat on you if he could cheat on a woman he wanted to marry." The truth is, I used to cheat too, and I really wouldn't ever do it now. Part of it is because I used to be with guys that didn't treat me too well, but the bigger part is definitely me. I get counseling, I got sober, I'm a lot more mature and grounded... I could never do something so selfish now when before I used to do it and justified it in my own head. So it is possible he's telling the truth when he says he wouldn't do it anymore and he just wants to settle. However, I'm a woman and did it more for emotional reasons where I think guys do it more for the physical aspect of it, which is a difference to think about.

 
Old 04-13-2010, 02:38 PM   #3
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Re: do i trust him?

I too am with a man who admits to past relationship infidelity. But if I had only judged him on his past and not his current behavior then I think I would have missed out on a great guy. I believe him when he tells me he will not do that to me, because he has found what he was looking for.

I think you have to trust and let the past go if you want to be in the relationship. If you can't for whatever reason, then let the relationship go because you will always doubt, and he will always be under scrutinty.

 
Old 04-13-2010, 02:47 PM   #4
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Re: do i trust him?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricPassion07 View Post
He said he loved me... a while ago. and i truely do love him. but after he said it... like a month later he said hes not sure hes over his ex (from like a yr n half ago... he proposed and she said no) but now like 2 mnths later he tells me he loves me all the time and is excited for our future. etc.
What bothers me is after he tells you that he loves you that 1 month later he admits to not being sure if he's over his ex who he cheated on..

I would give this relationship much more time before you commit yourself to this guy.. Sometimes time can be your best friend.

Sunny

 
Old 04-18-2010, 04:03 PM   #5
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Re: do i trust him?

thank you all. i agree that time will always tell, but im not going to hold it against him cuz i just got to see for myself. ive dealt with cheating before... i know the signs. but so far i havnt seen any. just the emotional part of him saying he wasnt sure he was over his ex.

wen we talked he told me that he thinks its not HER hes not over, but he isnt sure hes not over the rejection i guess. because he doesnt understand how she chose someone over him when he proposed.

i guess i can understand that in a way... i mean we all have questions we dont know the answers too but still wish we knew.
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Old 04-18-2010, 04:21 PM   #6
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Re: do i trust him?

I understand what you're saying but I disagree. Because he is with you now, so the whole being rejected by her shouldn't matter anymore. It's a non-issue. If she wouldn't have rejected him then you guys never would have started dating. So he needs to decide what's more important. Having you in his life now or being mad or upset at having been rejected by her. It can't be both.

 
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