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Old 04-14-2010, 01:01 PM   #1
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What would you do?

My husband and I have been married for 10 years now. My husband started a new job and he told me that the insurance does not start till May 1 and it is like the 3rd of April. That means I don't have insurance for the whole family and that I would have to get cobra. My whole life have never been without insurance. I was upset at the company because they failed to tell us. Cobra cost $1300.00 for one month. I was so mad. I was blaming the company but all along it was my husband's fault because he failed to read the offer letter correctly. My husband finds out that it was stated in the letter because human resources pointed it out to him that it was your mistake and knew for at least two days and failed to tell me. So when I found out and I was mad. He didn't want to admit to his major major mistake. I am making him pay out of his own pocket and it is not coming from my saving account. Then he yells at me and said "we are through". "I don't have room to make mistakes" are two statements he made. He hung up in my ear. He then called back and apologized. All the 10 years I have know him I have never heard him say "we are through" I understand new jobs are stressful but I am a housewife homeschooling our 2 children and you can't make mistakes on insurance. I asked him all kinds of questions before he started about the type of insurance, how much will be deducted from the paycheck, etc. He has son from a previous marriage that he has to provide insurance for as well so you cannot make mistakes. Sometimes I feel like I live with a stranger because he seems to work against the family.

 
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Old 04-14-2010, 01:27 PM   #2
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Re: What would you do?

To be blunt, and please take my criticism honestly, but I think you are overreacting. You should be thankful your coverage begins May 1st, what if you didn't have any coverage coming at all?

I am the mom and wife in my household with a full-time career with kids and I juggle a full-time job and provide health insurance for my family. Mistakes happen, and I think you are being unfair in saying "you can't make mistakes"....

Are you prepared to state that you've never made a mistake in your life?

Humans make mistakes, that is the first rule of life. He provides for you so you can be at home and homeschool the kids. Show some appreciation perhaps?

Your husband had a right to be angry with you, I would be too.

You are entitled to your opinion, but you are not "owed" anything in life. If you are unhappy about it, go get a job yourself and get your own benefits instead of accusing your husband who is providing for you of working against you.
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Last edited by kewlgirl; 04-14-2010 at 01:28 PM.

 
Old 04-14-2010, 02:17 PM   #3
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Re: What would you do?

if you own a home, look into a transitional policy.
it's a short term health insurance policy, just for situations like this, and it's way cheaper than cobra.

 
Old 04-14-2010, 02:24 PM   #4
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Re: What would you do?

I have been without insurance for quite a while now and noticed that the doctor charges you less if you don't have insurance than they would charge the insurance company if you do. With the cost of premiums that I had to pay and all the deductibles, I now pay less than I did when I had insurance. I was under insured anyway and didn't go to the doctor sometimes when I needed to. I will have insurance in a couple of months but I probably won't really feel more protected than I do now. I know it gives peace of mind if something major were to happen, but chances are nothing will in 2 weeks.

In my opinion, he made a mistake and you should let it go, unless there is a lot more going on than you are telling us?

Last edited by goingdaffy; 04-14-2010 at 02:34 PM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 04-14-2010, 02:41 PM   #5
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Re: What would you do?

I think you totally overreacted. May 1st is like 2 weeks away, big deal? So what? The chances of anything happening between today and May 1st are slim to none. I really think you owe him an apology for flying off the handle like that for nothing.

 
Old 04-14-2010, 02:43 PM   #6
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Re: What would you do?

A temp policy is a good idea. I had one years ago when I first got married. It was relatively cheap and it even covered a hospital stay when I went into pre-term labor with my son. That might be a good answer for you.
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Old 04-14-2010, 03:22 PM   #7
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Re: What would you do?

Have to agree with everyone else. Everyone makes mistake at some point. You never mean for them to happen they just do.

 
Old 04-14-2010, 05:24 PM   #8
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Re: What would you do?

This is not the only mistake. If I ever make a mistake he really lets me know. I guess the thing that got me was he lied to me. If he was all up front then I would understand. He tried to blame other people.

Thanks for all your advise for getting insurance. Insurance is very important to me because by court order we have to provide insurance for his son and I don't want to make a mistake on that.

The agreement was I would homeschool and he would be the provider. I would be glad to go back to work but this was our agreement.

 
Old 04-14-2010, 05:40 PM   #9
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Re: What would you do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gigi11 View Post
This is not the only mistake. If I ever make a mistake he really lets me know. I guess the thing that got me was he lied to me. If he was all up front then I would understand. He tried to blame other people.

Thanks for all your advise for getting insurance. Insurance is very important to me because by court order we have to provide insurance for his son and I don't want to make a mistake on that.

The agreement was I would homeschool and he would be the provider. I would be glad to go back to work but this was our agreement.
Yea, I get the idea that it was the lie. But he may have lied because he, as he said, feels like he does not have room to make a mistake. I do understand the issue on court ordered child support because a co-worker and her husband have been hauled into court for missing 2 months during a job change. But after this all settles down, I think you need to give some thought to just how you cope with situations. Is this reaction typical? I know it may be hard to understand but even an adult male might be a bit "afraid" of you in terms of immediately owning his mistakes if he thinks he'll be jumped. If, on the other hand, you can honestly say this is NOT a typical reaction, then you need to have an adult conversation (say maybe in June) about how this all went wrong and why he felt a need to lie.

 
Old 04-14-2010, 09:05 PM   #10
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Re: What would you do?

Perhaps you can read all the paperwork that comes in just as a second set of eyes. As long as you don' thave any lapse in coverage that will expose you to being denied for pre-existing conditions, you should be ok. Fortunately, because of new laws just passed, your kids won't be denied because of pre-existing conditions when it comes time to sign up for the new insurance.

some people just aren't good with these kinds of business or details. If he's just not good at it, maybe you could have an agreement that you both go over this kind of stuff together so nothing else slips through the cracks. It's tough, but there are worse things he could be doing.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 06:39 AM   #11
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Re: What would you do?

OMG! Are you his wife or his mother? Let me tell you something girly....lots of people out there right now dont have insurance...and it will be longer then a month before they get any. In fact, lots of people out there dont even have jobs! There is a lot to be thankful for out there and it sounds to me like you ought to take a minute to smell the roses. How wonderful he has a job that supports all of you, how wonderful the two of you have enough money to purchase insurance for the month that he isn't covered. Or easier still, thank goodness you have food on the table and a roof over your head. Many many many americans right now cant share in your situation. And as far as your arrangement goes, staying at home is a privalage, not an entitlement. So take a moment to count your blessings.

Last edited by justmel30; 04-15-2010 at 06:43 AM.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 08:51 AM   #12
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Re: What would you do?

Well I guess the issue isn't about insurance is it? I know it can be hard adjusting when your roles change. But maybe you need to back off a little and let him take more responsibility. He will learn from his mistakes and get better, give him time. Give up a little control, otherwise it'll ruin your health. You said he doesn't let you make mistakes, then I think you both need to be less rigid. Think about the overall picture of what you want to accomplish, don't sweat the small stuff.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 09:13 AM   #13
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Re: What would you do?

In a marriage we both have to be tolerant of each other's mistakes. On Monday, I backed up without looking behind me and hit a car that had pulled in. My husband could have berrated me for the mistake which is a costly mistake. But, crap happens in life and we can't get our panties in a wad whenever our partner makes a mistake.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 11:51 AM   #14
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Re: What would you do?

Wow, this flippant attitude towards insurance is troubling. Wonder why our healthcare system is such a mess, when no one seems to think that health insurance is all that important.

I agree with gigi--maintaining continuous insurance is a huge deal. Not only for the things that could happen during the gap in insurance, but because of losing coverage for pre-existing conditions. We had to change insurance while my wife was pregnant, and had we not done it right, we would have lost coverage for her pregnancy as a pre-exisiting condition. The delivery itself, which had no complications, was over $10,000.00 and that doesn't include any of the pre or post care.

So, while I agree that everyone makes mistakes, and forgiveness is in order, this is not a "who cares" type of situation like people seem to think it is.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 12:00 PM   #15
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Re: What would you do?

my husband and I went through a job and insurance change and this is what I found out:

you don't have to get COBRA right away. I believe you have 60 or 90 days to get it. So, you could technically go without insurance and hopefully you won't need it for a month. However, if you are found in the emergency room, you can still sign up for COBRA and they will back pay any medical bills.
I actually found this information out on the Insurance thread on this site. The folks there were very helpful. When we got our COBRA information, sure enough, this exact information was in there. We ended up not buying it and luckily, we never needed it.


I can understand your frustration with your husband, but you have to remember he is overwhelmed too. I don't know if you have ever worked outside the home, but changing jobs is very overwhelming and stressful. Just be glad that your husband has a job in this economy, and one that offers insurance. I would apologize to him for treating him like a child and try to have more patience with him.

 
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