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Old 04-14-2010, 11:09 PM   #1
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Flying back home for the summer, dont know if I'm going to be able to be around my ex

I don't know where to start. Summer 2008..we met through the guys, I love the guys.. . I'd work all day and he had night shifts most of the time so we wouldn't really be on the same timing, but since it was summer we could hang out after he ended work that night. By the beach, clubbing. Whatever it was, where ever we went my feelings just grew and I didn't even know it. I never thought anything would happen. I thought I wasn't his type. He is smart, tall, and knows what his next move is.
More texts, I saw him more often and we would always "end up" sitting next to each other when we'd go out. Then the time came and I was flying to Minnesota for a month. I wanted to help my sister with the huge change in her life, family always comes first. I left earlier than I expected, and surprised him.
September 2nd till May 2nd 2009, it had been 8 months and he had to end it.. and I will never forget the pain I went through. I wasn't priority in his life. He had a lot more going on at the time. It wasn't all his fault, as usual he took the rational way to do things and I respect that. He got accepted in this program where they would take him to the U.S and visit all the historical places, political powers and all that. He wasn't financially able to do this himself, he got 75% scholarship from an expensive university and he paid the rest, nothing from his parents, and he worked very hard, and supported his family. I was very happy for him, he got an amazing opportunity, I loved that he was able to experience America.
My ticket was booked for August 23rd and he got back August 7th. After two months of not thinking of him- constant work and partying, I see him again and I want to puke. I love him so much that I hated to see him. His intentions were good but hurt me, he wanted to spend my last days in Lebanon with me. so he went out with me, the guys, like before.
We all sat in the chalet, in a circle, none of us are happy.. in a few hours I was going to be on a plane and I won't see the guys for 9 months. We all tried to be pleasant but it was hard. He walks up to me while everyone was saying bye and hugging me, he puts his rosary in my arm, hugs me and says "take care". All I wanted to do was never let go of him. Thinking of it now makes me feel nauseated. I boarded that plane and I was home, not my usual home, my new home.
I'm a very very closed up person, I don't share my feelings, I only do with specific people..if anything. With him, I threw my heart out there, I really really was very passionate about him, I wasn't myself, I was a new person, and it was great. After getting hurt and going through so much pain, I honestly don't think I'll ever do it again. I used to have wedding fantasies and now they are all gone, I feel as if it is from this. It's like, if its not going to be him, then I'm not even going to bother and get married, once you've had the best, you won't know how to settle for less. No guy looks or even levels up to him. He was perfect for me and I don't know if I was the same for him. People, even the guys said we were perfect for each other. But I guess things went wrong and it was the right time time for it. I do love him, and it took hurt, pain and time for me to realize the depth of my love. And trust me, its deep.. very deep. I'm strong and I will live with this, I have hope for this summer, but I won't put my hopes up.. I don't want to hurt anymore. I love him and I realized that I love him so much to let him go, he needed it and that was the most I could do for him. I hope he realizes and knows that I will always love him.

Anything will help.. Thanks

 
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Old 04-15-2010, 06:28 AM   #2
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Re: Flying back home for the summer, dont know if I'm going to be able to be around m

First of all, this is a whole lot of melodrama for no good reason at all. And second, you most certainly are not a "closed person". If you were, there would be no way you would go online to a site like this and disclose your issues to thousands, maybe millions, of people world wide. Third, just stay away from the guy. He went in another direction and has moved on. Thats what you need to do. If you run into each other, be polite, then excuse yourself, and leave.....find somewhere else to go. If he calls and asks whats up, say your busy....or better yet, dont answer the phone. But dont put yourself on this merry-go-round of emotion. There are lots of loveable and capable people out there......find one. It might do you some good.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 09:57 AM   #3
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Re: Flying back home for the summer, dont know if I'm going to be able to be around m

justmel30, why do you just discount her feelings like that? People come here for support not to be told that there is no good reason for their own feelings.

Alyane, He does sound like a great guy. Have you told him how you really feel?

You are both young and busy people with your whole lives ahead of you. Try to be more open to other guys. You'll know when you are ready and you meet the right person.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 03:39 PM   #4
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Re: Flying back home for the summer, dont know if I'm going to be able to be around m

I didn't discount anything. This is an open forum, and I am free to give my opinion. I felt like a little wake up and smell the coffee was in order. She's obcessing over a guy who doesn't want to be with her, and trying to play head games by saying she is a really closed person when she just told thousands of people very personal details of her life. My opinion, move on. Sorry if it was too short for you, but why tell her to confess her undying love to somebody who is well aware it is there, and chose not to take it? You dont think you just gave her a bunch of false hope? You dont think you just set her up to get hurt again? Don't question my methods, and I wont question yours.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 06:14 PM   #5
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Re: Flying back home for the summer, dont know if I'm going to be able to be around m

I also agree that you should not go where you know he will be. And if you run into him by accident, just leave. You shouldn't voluntarily put yourself in situations that you know will be painful for you. So if you know it's going to hurt too much to see him, then don't see him.

It seems pretty clear that he has moved on. If you go chasing after him, you run the risk of being perceived as desperate and most guys have the attitude about girls like that. Besides, you shouldn't give him the satisfaction of know you're still pining for him because that's giving him the upper hand and that's the last thing you want.

Not all relationships work out, it's an unfortunate fact of life. But speaking from experience, I can tell you that it doesn't do much good to keep living in the past. You've got pretty much endless possibilities for where you can go from here and you're not confined in a relationship that would hold you back. So now is the time for you to go out there and experience new things, try some stuff you've never done or always wanted to do, and just live your life. If you meet someone along the way, great! If not, at least you're getting busy living and not sitting there feeling sorry for yourself just because one guy didn't want to be with you. He's one guy, there are tons and tons of guys out there. He's not the only guy. So just live your life and see how it turns out!

 
Old 04-16-2010, 05:10 AM   #6
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Re: Flying back home for the summer, dont know if I'm going to be able to be around m

justmel, I have been reprimanded by a moderator for using less harsh language that you did on that post. I'm not even disagreeing with the jist of what you said but I do disagree with telling someone that that they have no good reason for their feelings.

I didn't tell her to stalk him. I asked IF she had told him how she felt or not.

And, asking for support on a support board anonymously isn't the same thing as publicly telling the world your business. It is anonymous.

 
Old 04-16-2010, 12:47 PM   #7
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Re: Flying back home for the summer, dont know if I'm going to be able to be around m

I gave my opinion. You dont have to like it. I asked these same questions not too long ago in one of my own threads and I was told that some people just need a little tough love. Today, I'm inclined to understand and agree with it a little more then I was at the time. Do I think she has a right to her feelings? Yes. We can all chose to feel anything we want about any situation that is thrown at us in life. I personally think that in this particular case however, that this girl is playing games with her own emotions. She's reading what isnt there and not telling herself the truth about it. I also feel that to coddle it is to feed into it. So that's why I said what I did. If you would like to discuss this further, please send me a private message instead of hijacking this thread any further.

 
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