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Old 04-15-2010, 01:40 AM   #1
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New here..could really use some advice

I had to have my exhusband involuntarily committed at the hospital yesterday.

He hasn't been diagnosed yet but I am pretty sure he has paranoid schizophrenia from everything I have been reading on the subject.

His latest episode started about 3 weeks ago but there was a very similar incident about 6 years ago. He was hopsitalized then too but he was released from the hospital after just 3 days and was never diagnosed or received any treatment.

The symptoms of this latest episode...

audio hallucinations...he can hear our neighbors talking...neighbors from 3 or 4 houses in our neighborhood...he says they are plotting to rape me and kill both of use and our 11 yr old son.

He thinks they are following us everywhere we go, monitoring our every word and action.

He thinks there are cameras in the trees.

He saw 3 men dressed in camouflage hiding in a tree near our home.

He says they sit in an above-ground pool adjacent to our house and watch us.

He thinks they can hear everything we say.

He doesn't sleep. He is agitated...preoccupied...angry...

He was getting angry with me because I could not hear the voices and did not believe the things he said he saw.

This man is my ex husband. I divorced him 5 years ago because he had a heroin addiction.

When he was first hospitalized 5 years ago, I attributed his symptoms to his drug use but he's been clean for about 3 years now and I am beginning to think that he has been silently suffering with these symptoms for a long time but no one knew it was schizophrenia...we just thought he was doing what he did because he was a drug addict...now I think maybe he was using drugs because he was schizophrenic.

He is SO ANGRY at me right now. They actually had to call security and restrain him at the hospital. I didn't think I had a choice but to have him committed as he lacks any insight into his problem...he thinks HE is the smart one and the rest of us are hard of hearing and naive.

I just feel really bad.

I feel bad because of his illness. I realize he hasn't been officially diagnosed yet but his recent symptoms as well as his past behavior seriously suggest this is paranoid schizophrenia.

I should probably go see him in the hospital today. I'm sure he feels very alone but I dread going because I know he'll spew anger at me. I'm sure he feels betrayed. Maybe...somewhere deep down inside...he realizes that maybe...just maybe...he is sick and needs help but I'm not sure about this.

I'm also worried about what to do when he gets out. I allowed him to live with me 'temporarily' for the last 2 years while he got his life back together and there have been times where I thought maybe we could reconcile but he drinks everyday and that has been a big issue and I just haven't been happy. Before this latest episode hit, I asked him (for the 15th time) to move out. Now I feel like I can't do this in light of his illness. How do you throw a sick person out on the street? And yet I have no feelings for him (aside from deep friendship...and I do love him but not like a woman should love her mate). His family says he can stay with them a few days...but honesly, what am I supposed to do in this situation?

I don't even know what to tell our son. I lied to him last nght and told him his dad was staying with a friend.

Crap.
What am I in for when he gets out?
What is he in for?

Any advise you might have would be greatly appreciated.
I know this was a terribly long post...if you made it this far, thank you !!

Mary

 
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Old 04-15-2010, 05:35 PM   #2
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Re: New here..could really use some advice

If your exhusband is really mad like that, I would not keep it a secret from your son for his safety. You don't have to tell him everything but at least warn him of any weird things if he ever does see his father and what he can do to get immediate help and to not let your son be alone with your exhusband ever untill you know it is 100 percent safe.

With anything like that, don't worry your exhusband should be safe in the hospital but be very careful when he gets discharged and ask the doctors caring for him, for advice on what to do, how to act with him, and how often you should see him. For your safety and your family. hope that helps.

 
Old 04-16-2010, 07:01 AM   #3
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Re: New here..could really use some advice

please don't let him live with you.....you've done enough for him.
this man is dangerous, and out of control. You and your son could become victims of his rage. talk to social services and make some arrangements for him. You're not responsible for him, and taking him into your home again would be a big and dangerous mistake.

 
Old 04-16-2010, 06:14 PM   #4
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Re: New here..could really use some advice

First of all, it isn't anybodies fault that he has an illness. Not his, but certainly not yours either. So please dont beat yourself up about any of this. Second, it isn't your responsibility to take care of him. Your responsibility is first and foremost to your child and to keeping him safe. This is a very serious illness that you are talking about, and could have very serious consequences if you allow this around your child. They do have homes and programs for people like your ex-husband that are state assisted. However, he would have to stay on his medications. Unfortunately, most of them dont. They do for a while, but then they start to feel so normal again, it's like they forget what it's like to be sick. And they go off their medications and so goes the downward spiral. Right now, he is in the perfect position to seek help on his own. The hospital has him right now, and once the med's start to kick in and he begins to think more clearly, he will then be able to make some decisions about his future. However, I would like to see you stand firm and not take him in. He needs to be independant and be able to take care of himself which he WILL be capable of doing so long as he stays on his meds. But he will never do it if he knows he has you as a safety net. Also, once again, you have to protect your son. It is sooooooooooo important that you understand that. And dont let the state put any pressure on you. They are hurting right now and would be all the more happy if someone stepped in pro bono. As far as telling your son the truth.......you want him to know that you think enough of him to be honest just like you want to know that he thinks enough of you to be honest. It's a two way street and you have to be able to practice what you preach no matter how hard or difficult the subject matter is. Just tell him, daddy is sick and in the hospital. No he cannot see him right now. Ask him if he has any specific questions so that you are keeping that line of communication open with him. Anything that you dont know or arent ready to tell him, just say that you dont know, you will check on it, and you will keep him posted. Make him feel important in all of this. That's the best advice I can give you. I wish you all the best. Stay strong and no matter what, do not think you need to take care of him. If he were well, and could look at this whole situation with an objective healthy mind, I'm sure he would tell you that the most important thing to him, and you, is the boy. And that he would like you to protect him no matter what. Good luck.
Melissa

 
Old 04-17-2010, 05:07 PM   #5
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Re: New here..could really use some advice

Unfortunately, the state of mental health care here is just really sad. 75% of single homeless people have some sort of schizophrenia because they just have nowhere else to go. It's frustrating because so many people blame the victim of this disease and insist they are choosing to be crazy and shirk responsibility. this is one of the most misunderstood, underfunded, underrepresented, and most devastating mental illnesses out there. My brother has it and when he first became ill, it pretty much tore apart my family and home life.

It definitely sounds like schizophrenia. he needs to be on medication. He canot live with you. I don't think it would be a good idea even if he were receiving proper treatment, but without proper medication, no, you could even be risking your and your son's lives. Andrea Yates was having a psychotic episode when she drowned her 5 kids. It's just not safe for you and your child for him to be around unmedicated. he needs a proper diagnosis. Talk to his famiy and have one of them take him in. It will be longer than a few days, though, before he can get a proper diagnosis, medication and get to where he can function on any real level. Enlist his family to help. If he doesn't get a diagnosis from the hospital, then they need to take him to a doctor who specializes in this and who will properly diagnose and medicate him. Do NOT try to tackle this problem on your own. It's too big. His family needs to step up and take him in and help out.

 
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