It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-15-2010, 05:46 AM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1
jamesx252 HB User
Unhappy Issues sleeping with partner - any advice?

Hello all,

I have an issue that is driving me mad - let me explain my problem in full. A year ago I started dating a girl and things have been great. We would spend 2 or 3 nights a week in the same bed. I never slept very well during those nights, falling asleep late / waking early, but because it was only 2 or 3 nights per week, I didnt mind.

6 months ago we moved in together. Ever since she moved in, I have had real issues sleeping every night. I get to sleep fine, but I wake every morning really early (4AM), very tense and dont feel like I slept. I find it hard to get back to sleep, my legs are very fidgety and my mind is racing.

I have tried countless things; herbal sleeping tablets, a sleeping routine, sleeping tracks & music etc, and nothing has worked. Many people have told me it is all about sleep hygine and a routine, but I think it is something deeper / a medical issue.

My girlfriend has told me that I used to occasionally masturbate in my sleep or try to touch her. I was 100% unaware of this, and I would wake up like I had just been solidly asleep. Apparently I do not do it anymore.

But whenever I wake up during the night, whether it be 2AM, 4AM, 5AM, I have an erection, my legs and body are tense, and I can't get back to sleep. Even if I relax or get up and have a 10 minute walk, this does not seem to help.

I am losing my hair, getting very bad skin and feeling terrible all day because of my lack of sleep. Can anybody suggest a possible reason(s) for my issue? The issue goes away on nights that my girlfriend isn't at home (ie visiting family), but she is a quiet, still sleeper, so why does it make a difference?

Thank you all in advance. James.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 04-15-2010, 10:02 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
River rocks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Riverside
Posts: 506
River rocks HB User
Re: Issues sleeping with partner - any advice?

It's hard to say but it seems anxiety related since it only happens when your girlfriend is sleeping with you. Do you worry about disturbing her sleep and therefor try and sleep too tense? For some reason you can't relax when she is in bed with you. You'll have to get at the root of what it is that irritates or worries you when you are not sleeping alone.

Maybe you fear masterbating or trying to have sex with her in your sleep again, even though you have not done that in a while, maybe you still fear it happening again and so your mind will not relax enough for you to get to seep sleep? You fear losing control?

Have you seen your doctor?

Last edited by River rocks; 04-15-2010 at 10:03 AM.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 11:56 AM   #3
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Grand Forks, ND, USA
Posts: 291
kewlgirl HB User
Re: Issues sleeping with partner - any advice?

My husband and I have similar problems but not to that extreme. My husband likes to hug me when we are sleeping and I am a very light sleeper and wake up even from the slightest touch - so you can imagine how uncomfortable it is.

Once my husband falls asleep and rolls away from me I can rest peacefully. I tend to find that if we have sex before falling asleep we both rest better.

I would maybe see a sleep specialist to see if they can help?
__________________
KG

 
Old 04-15-2010, 12:57 PM   #4
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 434
caberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB User
Re: Issues sleeping with partner - any advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jamesx252 View Post
I am losing my hair, getting very bad skin and feeling terrible all day because of my lack of sleep.
You gotta see a doctor, James.

I, personally, try to avoid medications at all costs, but I wouldn't put up with your symptoms. Either a sleep aid or an anti-anxiety med would probably do wonders for you.

My wife has eczema, and years ago when it flared up really bad, she was itching all night in her sleep, so the doctor prescribed a medication that was classified as anti-anxiety, but it did the trick and she got a sound night's sleep.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 04:37 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 874
resolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB User
Re: Issues sleeping with partner - any advice?

I've never been married or lived with anyone so this may be not be an appropriate suggestion but would there be an issue with you having your own bed? If I were with someone and we started the night together but one of us then slipped out of bed to another space, it would not bother me at all. I understand the need for private time and I actually believe that maybe your private time is needed during the night.

Can you sleep well with her home but you in another room? Have you tried that? Or is it her being home period that creates the stress?

Going to the doctor is a good idea. But I just don't think it would be a big deal if I were with someone who needed his own space at night.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 04:57 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Eagle River
Posts: 1,272
Blog Entries: 68
EagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB User
Re: Issues sleeping with partner - any advice?

I'm a light sleeper and I sleep like crap with someone else. My fiance insists that couples are meant to sleep together, but I disagree. If both people can sleep well, great, but if one or both people suffer from having someone in the same bed then they should sleep in different rooms. I would LOVE to sleep in a different bed. I actually enjoy traveling on business because I sleep so well in my hotel bed. No one is tossing and turning next to me, no snoring. It's great.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Sleeping problems, anxiety & Valerian graces23 Anxiety 2 02-23-2010 11:58 PM
after 3 perfect months I find out my boyfriend has mental health issues..;( KooKooface Relationship Health 7 11-10-2007 07:05 AM
:confused: confidence an paranoia issues....MY LIFE BEIN TOTALLY AFFECTED :( chinadoll141 Personality Disorder 4 07-05-2007 05:02 AM
SI joint issues - advice please... Vuitton70 Back Problems 30 06-13-2006 09:00 PM
Any advice on letting go of Trust Issues? Betty Bee Relationship Health 8 04-09-2006 08:13 AM

Tags
sleep, sleeping together, tired



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:59 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!