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Old 04-15-2010, 06:00 PM   #1
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the ex that just wont give up

hello everyone

you might remember my situation about my bf's ex who was leaving nasty texts on his phone about me. then i found out that he was replying to her emails (they were pretty harmless in nature, but nonetheless i still felt betrayed). so i pretty much told him that i was tired of all of this and that i no longer wanted to stay in a relationship if he was going to keep in touch with her (especially after she trash talked me for no reason).

he was truly sorry and upset and kept reassuring me that i dont have anything to worry about and apologized profusely. so he wrote a letter to his ex and forwarded it to me..........and it basically was saying that i was everything he wanted and that im the best thing to happen to him.

i have no idea what she said or if she said anything. then a week later, her son decides to add my bf on facebook (he never told me), and then his ex starts adding his family members on her facebook saying how she misses all of them and what not.

i just have so much hate for this women. i dont understand why he would bother adding her son after all of this and why she would care to add all his family members. she initially rubbed me the wrong way, and now it really bugs me that she's using facebook as a way to keep in touch with his family.

i just wish i could let this all go, but every time try or think it's all behind me something else comes up.

i really dont want to end things with my bf b/c of this. maybe im making too much of a big deal about it. i dont know....

 
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Old 04-15-2010, 06:15 PM   #2
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Re: the ex that just wont give up (and facebook is the devil)

If he cuts off all communication with her, who cares if he's friends with the son on facebook or she tries to make friends with his family? You're his girlfriend. You "have him"; you "won." She isn't getting anywhere with her attempts it seems and he lets her know how he feels about you. I agree that he should cut off all communication with her. I wouldn't worry until he keeps talking to her behind your back or talks to her on the phone, texts with her, etc.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 06:23 PM   #3
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Re: the ex that just wont give up (and facebook is the devil)

Why is it you're so worried about this woman? Do you have some fear in the back of your mind your BF will cheat on you with her or possibly dump you to get back with her?
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Old 04-15-2010, 06:29 PM   #4
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

I already told you this guy was a tool, I mean, what do you expect at this point? He's never going to "get it" because he doesn't have 2 brain cells to rub together to figure it out!

You have told him repeatedly how much her presence in your life upsets you and he just doesn't care. You have expressed concern and it just flies right over his head. The fact that he is so totally clueless about how much this hurts you and why keeping anything to do with her in your life really bothers you means that he just an idiot.

I don't know, I really think you're wasting your time with this guy. I can't understand what's so great about him when he cares so little about the things that upset you. If I were you. I'd be tired of it and I'd be done with it and find a guy who respected my feelings and who actually had half a brain. It's really a shame that you have such low standards because I'm sure you could get a way better guy who actually had some brain power and also the capacity to respect your feelings, unlike this shmoe.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 06:38 PM   #5
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
I already told you this guy was a tool, I mean, what do you expect at this point? He's never going to "get it" because he doesn't have 2 brain cells to rub together to figure it out!

You have told him repeatedly how much her presence in your life upsets you and he just doesn't care. You have expressed concern and it just flies right over his head. The fact that he is so totally clueless about how much this hurts you and why keeping anything to do with her in your life really bothers you means that he just an idiot.

I don't know, I really think you're wasting your time with this guy. I can't understand what's so great about him when he cares so little about the things that upset you. If I were you. I'd be tired of it and I'd be done with it and find a guy who respected my feelings and who actually had half a brain. It's really a shame that you have such low standards because I'm sure you could get a way better guy who actually had some brain power and also the capacity to respect your feelings, unlike this shmoe.
just to make sure we are on the same page here, this isnt the same guy who slept with his ex. i forgot him a long time ago.

so you are saying you think it's ridiculous that he added his ex's son on fb?
neither me or him have any control over the fact that his ex went and added some of his family members on fb.
i know it might not be that big of a deal, but it is to me b/c i have so much hate for this woman. as far as i am concerned, if he wanted her out of his life FOR GOOD, he wouldnt have added his son. thats just me, but maybe im being irrational.

Last edited by prettiestpon; 04-15-2010 at 06:40 PM.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 06:49 PM   #6
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

I agree with you that he should not have added her son. What's the point? Why? It seems stupid to me for him to add him because it's not like they have anything to do with each other anymore.

You're right, neither he nor you have any control over her adding his family. But he does have control over who he adds. And the only possible reason I can think of for her son to be on his page is so she can keep an eye on what's going on in your lives. You know darn well that the kid will be reporting to his mom everything new that your bf posts on there! Heaven forbid you guys take a vacation somewhere and he posts pics cause the kid will run and tell his mom and then she'll be looking through all of your pictures!

That's why he shoudnt have added her kid. It's totally pointless and it's just one more link to her that was better left alone. Because like I keep saying, he is clueless and he doesn't "get it" so he doesn't see it that way.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 07:07 PM   #7
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

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Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
I agree with you that he should not have added her son. What's the point? Why? It seems stupid to me for him to add him because it's not like they have anything to do with each other anymore.

You're right, neither he nor you have any control over her adding his family. But he does have control over who he adds. And the only possible reason I can think of for her son to be on his page is so she can keep an eye on what's going on in your lives. You know darn well that the kid will be reporting to his mom everything new that your bf posts on there! Heaven forbid you guys take a vacation somewhere and he posts pics cause the kid will run and tell his mom and then she'll be looking through all of your pictures!

That's why he shoudnt have added her kid. It's totally pointless and it's just one more link to her that was better left alone. Because like I keep saying, he is clueless and he doesn't "get it" so he doesn't see it that way.
Her son is in high school i believe and on the football team, and he asked my bf for some exercises to do for his ankle b/c my bf does physical therapy. i am sure that's the excuse my bf will give, but if he is on a football team couldnt he just ask the coach or an athletic trainer? i dont know why my bf feels like or wants to do any favors for this kid. i pretty much had all of this past me when he wrote her that letter/email, but it's like there is something new every week. it really bothers me that she could possibly get onto her son's page and look at all his pics of us and the thought of her spying is totally creepy. i wish she would get a life, but more importantly i wish i could get over this somehow.

Last edited by prettiestpon; 04-15-2010 at 07:10 PM.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 07:20 PM   #8
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

Hmmmm..........I know this is kinda petty, and a lot of people probably will disagree. But when I have a boyfriend, I sorta want the ex completely out of the picture. Now it would be dif if they had a child together or something like that. But this isn't the case. And I think you can say it, and he will listen, but he will never get it. There will allways be just one more thing. And maybe not just with this girl.....but mark my word, there will allways be SOMETHING. Do I think you need to worry? No, he told her to back off and yadda yadda yadda. However, I would be hella anoyed and long term, such annoyances I wouldnt want to put up with. If you stay with him, there will allways be something to put up with.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 07:42 PM   #9
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

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Originally Posted by justmel30 View Post
Hmmmm..........I know this is kinda petty, and a lot of people probably will disagree. But when I have a boyfriend, I sorta want the ex completely out of the picture. Now it would be dif if they had a child together or something like that. But this isn't the case. And I think you can say it, and he will listen, but he will never get it. There will allways be just one more thing. And maybe not just with this girl.....but mark my word, there will allways be SOMETHING. Do I think you need to worry? No, he told her to back off and yadda yadda yadda. However, I would be hella anoyed and long term, such annoyances I wouldnt want to put up with. If you stay with him, there will allways be something to put up with.
yeah this is exactly how i feel! you're right, it's always something.....and i feel like all i am doing is just waiting around for that next something to happen. it's like a ticking time bomb.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 09:15 PM   #10
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

I still wonder why you are so worried about this woman. Are you threatened by her? Are you fearful your BF will see her secretly or will dump you and go back to her?
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Old 04-16-2010, 08:24 AM   #11
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

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I still wonder why you are so worried about this woman. Are you threatened by her? Are you fearful your BF will see her secretly or will dump you and go back to her?
i really doubt he would leave me for her, but i think the biggest problem is me. I've never had any confidence issues about things, but the one thing that affects my self esteem is having small boobs. I am really athletic/curvy looking, and i know most girls who are really fit don't have large boobs (if so they are lucky) and the ones that dont usually have implants.

when i first started dating my bf i told him if i could change anything about myself it would be to enhance my breasts, and then he has told me he's always had a thing for big boobs.

anyway, when i found those texts on my bfs phone his ex was like ''wow, i didnt think you could ever live without big boobs on a girl.'' it just really struck a nerve, and of course she has really big boobs (but she's not very pretty). she was implying that i was not attractive and not his type b/c of that, and it really ****** me off. i know it sounds juvenile but i wish i could have told her off.

now i see her on everyone's fb page, and my bf's cousins have said that they miss her and what not and that kind of hurts. i mean, i know his family really likes me so far, but i wish i could wipe her out of his life. the bottom line is that i am letting her get to me and it's becoming an annoyance. they were together for 5 years also, and after he broke up with her we started dating 3 months later. she has even called him on the phone asking if he's ever thought of her and what not. obviously she isnt over him, and now my bf adds her son on fb! i just wonder if he has any brain cells.

 
Old 04-16-2010, 08:42 AM   #12
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

she's not giving up because your BF is ALLOWING her to continue.....

 
Old 04-16-2010, 09:00 AM   #13
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

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she's not giving up because your BF is ALLOWING her to continue.....
yeah, i am going to confront him tonight and ask him why he would talk to her son on fb. i know some people might think i am making too much a big deal out of this, but it bothers me. she bothers me, and my bf knows it, so why is it he just doesn't get it?? that's what bugs me most of all. if we ever get married, i can see that this is something i will always have to deal with.

 
Old 04-16-2010, 09:02 AM   #14
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

Sheeesh, this woman is a total trouble maker and is so OBVIOUSLY still wanting your BF BACK BAD! And he's eating it up! I also suspect that your BF NEVER REALLY sent that email to her. He only made it appear as if he did! Do you know her real email address as a fact that he really did actually send a "get lost" email to her. I bet he just made up some bogus email and made it look like he sent her an email. I'm thinking it's only a matter of time before they are back together again.
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Old 04-16-2010, 09:12 AM   #15
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Re: the ex that just wont give up

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Originally Posted by prettiestpon View Post
neither me or him have any control over the fact that his ex went and added some of his family members on fb.
I think that is the key. Your bf didn't iniate anything here. I'd go with what you know, he understands your feelings about her, and wrote the kiss off email.
But I'll be honest. My bf also has an ex that was pure trouble (tried to break us up, bad mouthed me). He cut ties with her by my request. I would not want him talking to her family either. So, I see your point and anxiety is valid IMO.

 
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