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Old 04-21-2010, 03:02 PM   #1
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Space? What Should I do?

Hi everyone, and thanks for taking the time to help me with this. Let me explain the situation to you:

Have been dating this girl for 6 months now. We have an amazing connection, same likes and dislikes, the sex and conversation is amazing, and we've spent almost all of the 6 months together with each other. There have been very few arguments, maybe 3 maximum the whole time we have been together and they have been very quickly resolved and forgotten about. Here is where the trouble starts.

Recently she went away for the weekend with a bunch of her girlfriends. The day she left we were crazy about each other, and were both sad to be spending the weekend apart. She had an amazing time while she was away, had lots of fun hanging out with the girls which was very important to me as I felt she had been distant with them since i came into her life. We had been texting each other all weekend, and she seemed just as happy about me as ever.

She came home from the trip and everything has went downhill now. We fought the day after she got home because she had tried to hide that she was talking to a guy she met on her trip. Her speaking to other men doesn't bother me in the slightest, she is a gorgeous friendly girl and always has guys chasing after her. The aspect that bother me was that she tried to hide it from me, thinking it would upset me if she told me.

She recently said that she was heading home for a few days to clear her head and evaluate if she wanted this relationship. I completely supported her decision, but wonder if I am being a fool to sit here and feel miserable while she figures this stuff out. I always thought if you can't deal with issues together, perhaps its not meant to be, but I'm not sure anymore. I care for this girl a great deal, and we treat each other so amazingly otherwise that I don't want to just give this up trying to protect myself. What should I do while she is gone? Attempt to talk to her, beg her to come back, ignore her, tell her how much I love her? I'm really lost, and could use all the help any of you can offer. Thanks so much

 
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:19 PM   #2
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

Not sure what the trigger was, but this is not a good sign. It indicates that she has lost some of her interest level in you. This may be because of something you did, but more likely it's because during her time away from you she had some sort of epiphany. Maybe she realized she isn't wanting to be in a relationship. Maybe she realized something about you she didn't like. Maybe she met someone. Hard to say what happened, but the "space" thing is NEVER a good sign.

 
Old 04-21-2010, 03:24 PM   #3
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

I would tend to agree it is not a good sign, hence me wondering whether I should just break it off and start healing or wait it out. I believe deep down she wants a relationship, especially one with me, she maybe just feels she has a lot more life to live before settling down? I don't want to speak as if I know her feelings though, I just wish I knew what I should do to save myself.

 
Old 04-21-2010, 03:40 PM   #4
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

Without knowing way more about what your relationship was like, it's hard to offer any insight there. If you think you may have done something that upset her or scared her, then I'd address it. However, if this is about her and not about you, there isn't much you can do.

I hate to suggest it, and I'm not saying this is what's going on...but is it possible something happened with another guy while she was gone and that this withdrawal is actually stemming from guilt? She may feel she doesn't deserve you now?

Could she be ill? Pregnant?

I'm just tossing out ideas.

When is she due back? It sounds like you two need to talk. I'd caution against jumping to the conclusion you're definitely being dumped and suggest talking to her first.

 
Old 04-21-2010, 03:46 PM   #5
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

Quote:
We fought the day after she got home because she had tried to hide that she was talking to a guy she met on her trip. Her speaking to other men doesn't bother me in the slightest, she is a gorgeous friendly girl and always has guys chasing after her. The aspect that bother me was that she tried to hide it from me, thinking it would upset me if she told me.

Sounds to me like you have your answer right there! She met someone else...she'll go meet up with him to see if he is into her or not...that's my guess. That's why she has to go away and "clear her head"...give me a break!
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:48 PM   #6
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

I approached the idea that perhaps something had happened with this guy that she may want to tell me about, and that mistakes happen to everyone and its always better to be honest with me and i'm convinced there was nothing (she is a terrible liar, I think I would know haha)

I am sure that this something she is dealing with, as I have never been one to be abrasive and she ensures me of this. She said before she left "you are the perfect person to me, you always know what I need, you're always there for me, you're my best friend, I just need to figure out why I feel like this" I feel that it is an issue that stems from her, which means I have little power to help her and be there for her.

Illness and Pregnancy are out, she is very physically fit, and her period fell on the weekend that she was away.

She is due back Friday. Today is my birthday though, and I have not received any recognition from her which is why I am as upset as I am. I would really like to talk through things with her and figure out what can be done to make this work, it just scares me to sit idle when I could have been spending that time grieving, being angry etc.

 
Old 04-21-2010, 03:50 PM   #7
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by xpcandy View Post
Sounds to me like you have your answer right there! She met someone else...she'll go meet up with him to see if he is into her or not...that's my guess. That's why she has to go away and "clear her head"...give me a break!
I don't believe that is the case, considering where that guy is from is in a different state and she just went to her parents which is 3 hours away. I know it could be possible, but I trust her enough to believe that if she wants her space its not sinister, its genuine.

 
Old 04-21-2010, 07:06 PM   #8
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

Still trying to cope with this if anyone can help

 
Old 04-22-2010, 08:48 AM   #9
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

Well, since she only needed a few days away, I wouldn't necessarily call it the end. Give her the time.. let her miss you, clear her head.

She'll be back soon, and when she comes back you can have an honest and open conversation. Hopefully she will have come to some conclusions and be honest with you, and hopefully it is to move forward with yoiu.

Good luck and don't be afraid to talk to her. Be honest and open with your feelings! I have said the same thing your gf has said to you (I need time) to past bfs and it was the truth, I really did need the time (usually just a few dayso or a week). If I needed a LOT of time (say, months) I would have told him to move on and dont put your life on a shelf. But your gf only needs a few days it seems. I would hang in there..and then talk.

Happy belated birthday (yesterday!) Mine just happens to be today!!

 
Old 04-22-2010, 09:05 AM   #10
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by River rocks View Post
Well, since she only needed a few days away, I wouldn't necessarily call it the end. Give her the time.. let her miss you, clear her head.

She'll be back soon, and when she comes back you can have an honest and open conversation. Hopefully she will have come to some conclusions and be honest with you, and hopefully it is to move forward with yoiu.

Good luck and don't be afraid to talk to her. Be honest and open with your feelings! I have said the same thing your gf has said to you (I need time) to past bfs and it was the truth, I really did need the time (usually just a few dayso or a week). If I needed a LOT of time (say, months) I would have told him to move on and dont put your life on a shelf. But your gf only needs a few days it seems. I would hang in there..and then talk.

Happy belated birthday (yesterday!) Mine just happens to be today!!
Your words have really given me some light in the darkness so to speak River, I can't thank you enough. I'm just going to try to stay strong and wait this out then, only 2 more days. Happy Birthday Also

 
Old 04-22-2010, 11:27 AM   #11
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

I am glad! Yes, just two day...you can do that, just stay occupied with other stuff. Thanks for the BD wishes also. I hope yours ended up being better.

 
Old 04-23-2010, 09:00 PM   #12
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

Well, she came home, and sadly we decided to break up. No big fight, nothing negative to say about each other. We both care about each other very much, she just said she has spent so much time bouncing between relationships that she hasn't found herself yet. I'm not sure I fully understand what this means, but I am wondering what I should do. Do I attempt to win her back in a few months or is this something I should just leave alone?

 
Old 04-24-2010, 08:59 AM   #13
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

Leave her alone, unless she's asked you to check with her again in a few months.

In a few months, you'll feel differently and will probably realize she was right. I certainly did after my ex and I broke up!
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Old 04-24-2010, 09:05 AM   #14
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

My 2 cents...when she met a new guy she realized that she wasn't ready to settle down to just one man. I don't think it's a coincidence that you found out that she was talking with a new guy and kept it a secret from you and now suddenly she's got to think about things and now wants to break up.
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Last edited by xpcandy; 04-24-2010 at 09:05 AM.

 
Old 04-24-2010, 02:27 PM   #15
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Re: Space? What Should I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LabtecJunkie View Post
Well, she came home, and sadly we decided to break up. No big fight, nothing negative to say about each other. We both care about each other very much, she just said she has spent so much time bouncing between relationships that she hasn't found herself yet. I'm not sure I fully understand what this means, but I am wondering what I should do. Do I attempt to win her back in a few months or is this something I should just leave alone?
I'm sorry to hear that.

You're going to need to move on. She has definitively stated that her interest level in you is that of a friend, not a boyfriend. Chasing her is not going to change that. You MIGHT find she changes her mind if you just move on because she may then realize that she threw away a good thing and she might chase you to get you back...but it's unlikely. Just move on.

 
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