Okay, so, right before I left work tonight, I heard another co-worker talk to a cashier about me, and I asked her what she was saying. She said that co-worker said "you're the only person here that is goofy looking" or something like that.
I don't know if this co-worker is teasing, as we do somewhat tease each other (though since she is a woman I try and refrain from making physical remarks about her appearance).
Anyway, I've had concerns about my appearance before, and I've posted a pic of me on a multitude of different forums, and nearly everyone said that there wasn't anything wrong with me. I suppose the point of this post is (or the question posed, as it were) how do I know if someone is giving me an honest comment on my appearance, whether for good or ill? I just know that in the social world, there are usually alterior motives.
What do you see in the mirror? Everyone ....and I mean everyone ....has their own set of standards for what they perceive as good looking, intelligent, pretty, cute, handsome or whatever else. So who the heck knows what 'Goofy' means to that person. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I sure wouldn't give it a second thought.
Okay, so, right before I left work tonight, I heard another co-worker talk to a cashier about me, and I asked her what she was saying. She said that co-worker said "you're the only person here that is goofy looking" or something like that.
So you're not even sure that's what she said?
You really do need to stop worrying about what other people think of you and work on getting your self-esteem up.
Have you thought that going around worrying about what poeple think of you could actually make you less attractive in itself? Walk tall, hold your head up, be happy and stop worrying about what everyone else may or may not be thinking or saying.
I think the better question here is why do you care? There are many different types of people in this world and we can find flaw in all of them. We can also find wonder and beauty in all. I wouldn't analyze this in the least! If she was simply teasing, then life goes on and all is fine. If she was criticising you in some way, or gossiping if you will, then again, who care! If she was saying something not nice about you, well I'm sure you could take a good hard look at her and find 10 things wrong without a second glance, and not to mention the obvious fact that she is rude. Just shake it off and do your job. Life is much less complicated that way. Good luck to you!
Melissa
This is really more of the same. People have told you time and time again that you should really try to find a way to stop focusing on what you think someone might possibly, maybe be saying or thinking about you. I know you don't want therapy, but really, there's no other way for you to learn to stop focusing on yourself and your skewed perceptions.
__________________
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
This is really more of the same. People have told you time and time again that you should really try to find a way to stop focusing on what you think someone might possibly, maybe be saying or thinking about you. I know you don't want therapy, but really, there's no other way for you to learn to stop focusing on yourself and your skewed perceptions.
I just don't understand why this keeps happening. And the thing is, I spend the majority of my time obessing about the perceptions of others, rather than my perceptions. I don't know what to think.
You're right, though, this is more of the same, and I wish it would just STOP.
Last edited by TryAgain121; 04-23-2010 at 07:25 PM.
I suggest the next time you go to work, walk past this person and sing where she can hear you ........."oh Lord it's hard to be humble, when you're perfect in EVERY way".....
Life is short, and as Jimmy Buffett sez, stay in touch with your insanity.
Only you can stop it. There is no magic advice anyone can give you for it, not even a therepist. Although I do think talking to somebody might help you a little. But in the end, it's up to you to learn a new behavior and a new habbit. I come from a long line of people who are recovering from one thing or another and almost all of them suffered insecurities of one sort or another. Another thing most of them have in common is they are all hyper active in nature. Once they filled their time with good and positive things instead of laying around bored, depressed, and on drugs or alcohol.........everything improved. Even their insecurities because now they were taking pride in themselves. I think maybe you could take a lesson in that and just keep busy. For instance, when somebody says something about you.....why do you go analyzing and overanalyzing and reanalyzing every little aspect of it? Instead, when this came up at work, why didnt you just continue working? If your at home......clean something, or go somewhere, or start a project, or help a friend. There are so many other things to do then to just sit around wondering why. I think half of the worlds problems.....not all because there ARE those who genuinly have mental illness........however, at least half of the people out there, in my opinion, would do remarkably better if they just got out and did something instead of sitting around and letting their mind play tricks on them. Good luck to you.
Melissa
Only you can stop it. There is no magic advice anyone can give you for it, not even a therepist. Although I do think talking to somebody might help you a little. But in the end, it's up to you to learn a new behavior and a new habbit. I come from a long line of people who are recovering from one thing or another and almost all of them suffered insecurities of one sort or another. Another thing most of them have in common is they are all hyper active in nature. Once they filled their time with good and positive things instead of laying around bored, depressed, and on drugs or alcohol.........everything improved. Even their insecurities because now they were taking pride in themselves. I think maybe you could take a lesson in that and just keep busy. For instance, when somebody says something about you.....why do you go analyzing and overanalyzing and reanalyzing every little aspect of it? Instead, when this came up at work, why didnt you just continue working? If your at home......clean something, or go somewhere, or start a project, or help a friend. There are so many other things to do then to just sit around wondering why. I think half of the worlds problems.....not all because there ARE those who genuinly have mental illness........however, at least half of the people out there, in my opinion, would do remarkably better if they just got out and did something instead of sitting around and letting their mind play tricks on them. Good luck to you.
Melissa
Hmm...I'm beginning to think the only tricks my mind has played on me is that I deserve respect/happiness/a life to be proud of. I suppose genetics isn't pretty, literally, sometimes. But also in a figurative sense. I don't even have intelligence to compensate for my goofy/ugly appearance.
I'm really starting to hate people for reflecting my self-truth. But also, I hate them for not realizing their own flaws.
First of all, that's human nature! People, all people, yourself and myself included find fault in others without putting ourselves in that person's shoes or recognizing what is wrong with ourselves at one point in time or another. Nobody is perfect! That's the whole point. Second, if you tell yourself your ugly, worthless, and stupid, then you will be ugly, worthless and stupid. It's a lie you are telling yourself. There isn't any way to dance around that. You do deserve respect, but that doesn't mean you will get it! You have to respect yourself first, and then, when others dont, you will still have enough respect for yourself to know that you are a good and descent person. Nothing can take that away from you or shake your little world as much as this ignorant womans comment has done to you so long as you find enough self esteem to be ok with you. And as far as hating others for reflecting your self truth.......we as humans only have a limited amount of superpowers, but reflecting the flaws of somebody else is not one of them. Look with your eye's wide open sir, you will see that most of us are not reflective in nature, but rather transparent. It's easy to see right through us........what makes us tick, what makes us insecure, what we want, hope, and dream for. We really are not half as in depth as many would have you believe. In short, stop telling yourself your ugly, and worthless. And stop being afraid of somebody thinking you are ugly and worthless. Love yourself and then the rest doesn't matter so much.
So you hate others because you don't like yourself. THAT is it in a nutshell.
Your perceptions are so incredibly distorted, yet you seem completely unwilling to DO anything to try to fix them.
Maybe these people you imagine are always talking about you (and that's a pretty self-centered way of thinking) are picking up on your negativity and are commenting on THAT, not on your imagined ugliness.
The only one who can change this is you, but only if you really want to. So far, you haven't. Remember, if you change nothing, nothing changes.
__________________
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
Okay, so, right before I left work tonight, I heard another co-worker talk to a cashier about me, and I asked her what she was saying. She said that co-worker said "you're the only person here that is goofy looking" or something like that..
As ALWAYS, you're taking some random conversation that you heard, which CLEARLY had nothing to do with you, and ASSUMING that it was all about you. Just like last time when that random girl walking in front of you into your work was laughing about something and you were sooooooooo sure it was about you, even though she was in front of you and didn't even see you or know you were behind her.
As usual, you take things way out of context and assume the worst. If you look at this situation with the cashier like a Normal person would, it would be clear that the goofy person comment was directed at the guy she was talking to and NOT to you! She said it to him! So how in the world could you possibly think it was about you?
I have said this to you before a hundred times and I will say it again: You need to stop assuming that people who don't know you give a rat's behind enough about you to say stuff about you. Strangers who don't know you really don't care about you or what you look like! So when they are laughing about something or talking negatively about someone, it is about someone they know! Not about some random guy whose name they don't even know (that would be you)m
You are constantly overplaying your importance to people who don't know you and you need to stop it. Unless someone looks right at you and specifically says YOU are whatever whatever (fill in the blank), then you know they are not talking about you!
Stop eavsdropping on peoples conversations, too, because every situation you have posted here about has been regarding little bits of conversations you have heard from strangers you are in the same place at the same time with and who are talking about something that has nothing to do with you.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but... you are the most insecure person I've ever seen on here. All of your posts are similar to this. You need to work on yourself and get therapy or this stuff is gonna make you miserable if it isn't already. I thought this sounded like the person who was worried what someone else said about his IQ, and I checked to be sure, and sure enough...
Oh, and you said "why does this keep happening?" Think of it as a self-fulfilling prophecy... you're looking for it constantly, plus your attitude probably brings it to fruition. Kind of like the way horses freak out and get scared if they sense that you're scared... Even though you don't like yourself, you're very self-centered. If you don't wanna go to therapy, I think you could benefit from some sort of volunteer work just so you can get OUT of yourself and out of your head. People are generally concerned with their own lives and people have other things to talk about than talk about whatever minor flaws you may have. Your life probably isn't working out the way you want it because of your negativity and lack of confidence. People can sense that and it's not attractive. It pushes people away.
I also sense that you don't really think you're not intelligent or unattractive. At least you don't think you're unintelligent - what you're mad about is you think other people don't notice your intelligence enough, and that makes you mad and hurts your ego. I used to be like this too, that's how I can see it so clearly in you. I worked on learning to be okay with being neither the best nor the worst and deflating my ego.
I also sense that you don't really think you're not intelligent or unattractive. At least you don't think you're unintelligent - what you're mad about is you think other people don't notice your intelligence enough, and that makes you mad and hurts your ego. I used to be like this too, that's how I can see it so clearly in you. I worked on learning to be okay with being neither the best nor the worst and deflating my ego.
Actually, for numerous reasons, I have severe doubts about whether I am intelligent or not. And, as weird as it seems, when someone randomly says I seem "pretty smart" or whatever, that gets me equally mad because I wonder if they're lying, have some alterior motive, etc, or that I know the majority of people don't see me like that. Also, just because someone calls someone else stupid does not make it true, especially when your dealing with co-workers in a retail store. But anyway it sucks because deep down I know I won't be in any prestigious position that might say "hey I'm somewhat smart." I have to cope with the reality that that won't happen.
About the current situation...I asked this co-worker if I could ask her something later (about a manager, but I didn't say that part), and she said "no, I won't date you," which is weird because I've never touched/said anything crude to her. Although she has touched me.
I'll respond to the rest later.
Last edited by TryAgain121; 04-25-2010 at 12:26 AM.
I'm sure your co-worker was joking. Honestly.....Youve never heard that one before? This is absolutely rediculous. Everyone here is telling you pretty much the same thing, and your refusing to listen. So why do you ask a question to begin with? I think you just like to argue, and you have nothing better to do then to find sinicism and any or all situations possible. You seriously need to get help.
Melissa, he's posted a slightly different version of the same story multiple times. I too am unsure of what he wants from this forum. He rejects our suggestions or ferrets out some innocent phrase or word someone used and then says we all agree that he's a loser...then posts again with a only very slightly different version of the very same story.
TryAgain, may I ask what it is you are asking for? You've already been told multiple times by many different people that the problem isn't these people with their imaginary criticisms of you, but within yourself and your distorted perceptions. People have tried to help, but it hasn't done you any good because a few weeks later, you post again with the same old story. And you've said therapy does no good. Are you hoping someone will come up with a solution that no one's said before, or are you thinking someone will agree and say "yes, all these people are talking bad about you all the time!" Because honestly, I'm confused about what you are looking for. It tries the patience, to be honest.
__________________
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
Melissa, he's posted a slightly different version of the same story multiple times. I too am unsure of what he wants from this forum. He rejects our suggestions or ferrets out some innocent phrase or word someone used and then says we all agree that he's a loser...then posts again with a only very slightly different version of the very same story.
TryAgain, may I ask what it is you are asking for? You've already been told multiple times by many different people that the problem isn't these people with their imaginary criticisms of you, but within yourself and your distorted perceptions. People have tried to help, but it hasn't done you any good because a few weeks later, you post again with the same old story. And you've said therapy does no good. Are you hoping someone will come up with a solution that no one's said before, or are you thinking someone will agree and say "yes, all these people are talking bad about you all the time!" Because honestly, I'm confused about what you are looking for. It tries the patience, to be honest.
While it doesn't make sense, I suppose I was subsconsciously looking for affirmation that I wasn't a loser. Obviously I can't get that here, or anywhere on the net, now that I think about it. Bleh, I'm dumb for making all those past threads, as well as this one. Sorry for wasting all the time all you posters put into responding to me.
I have had people frustrated with me for similar things. It's something that other people find extremely aggravating. One of my best girl friends is one of the nicest people in the world - she just gives store clerks her change for no reason cause she just doesn't care about keeping anything extra for herself. Anyway, even she finally said to me "i love you but you're driving me crazy!!" cause I always thought she was mad at me and I was hypersensitive to signs of disapproval. I just wanted to be loved, so when they got mad at me for it, it just made me feel even more sorry for myself.
People would respond a lot more positively to you if you just acted confident without being arrogant. If anyone has a problem with you, it's because people find people that need constant reassurance very off-putting, and THAT's your problem. The other stuff you're just imagining, but you might be projecting an image of someone who is very unsure of himself.
I have had people frustrated with me for similar things. It's something that other people find extremely aggravating. One of my best girl friends is one of the nicest people in the world - she just gives store clerks her change for no reason cause she just doesn't care about keeping anything extra for herself. Anyway, even she finally said to me "i love you but you're driving me crazy!!" cause I always thought she was mad at me and I was hypersensitive to signs of disapproval. I just wanted to be loved, so when they got mad at me for it, it just made me feel even more sorry for myself.
People would respond a lot more positively to you if you just acted confident without being arrogant. If anyone has a problem with you, it's because people find people that need constant reassurance very off-putting, and THAT's your problem. The other stuff you're just imagining, but you might be projecting an image of someone who is very unsure of himself.
I'm beginning to think that I have some secret, giant ego and I just don't like when it gets insulted,...or something? Maybe I should lower the expectations for myself. After all, I have to be honest with myself, I'm nothing special, after all. To alleviate my anxiety, I could just accept my current lot in life and work my *** off to change my limitations.
For example, since practically speaking I am probably at best of average intellect, I could get on nootropics to help boost that aspect of myself. And to correct my looks problem, I should save up for plastic surgery, and do a lot of research so I don't get swindled in the process. I guess insecurity isn't going to get me anywhere, I need to just do something. It's better than doing nothing.
Seriously, drugs and plastic surgery are NOT the way to go. I really think that even if you did take this route you still would not be satisfied. You said you've posted pics of yourself on various forums and have been told there's nothing wrong with your looks and yet you still complain and think people are laughing at you behind your back.
The problem is within yourself, your attitude. You really need to work on your self esteem. I don't think you have a huge ego, quite the opposite, you think so little of yourself that you think everyone else thinks the same. You're projecting your flawed perceptions onto other people.
Changes need to come from within, and until that is achieved you are always going to have these same doubts.
Good luck to you!
