It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-22-2010, 11:54 PM   #1
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: IL, USA
Posts: 290
TryAgain121 HB User
Teasing, or something else?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so, right before I left work tonight, I heard another co-worker talk to a cashier about me, and I asked her what she was saying. She said that co-worker said "you're the only person here that is goofy looking" or something like that.

I don't know if this co-worker is teasing, as we do somewhat tease each other (though since she is a woman I try and refrain from making physical remarks about her appearance).

Anyway, I've had concerns about my appearance before, and I've posted a pic of me on a multitude of different forums, and nearly everyone said that there wasn't anything wrong with me. I suppose the point of this post is (or the question posed, as it were) how do I know if someone is giving me an honest comment on my appearance, whether for good or ill? I just know that in the social world, there are usually alterior motives.

 
Old 04-23-2010, 12:21 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,361
AnnD HB UserAnnD HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

What do you see in the mirror? Everyone ....and I mean everyone ....has their own set of standards for what they perceive as good looking, intelligent, pretty, cute, handsome or whatever else. So who the heck knows what 'Goofy' means to that person. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I sure wouldn't give it a second thought.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 04-23-2010, 03:50 AM   #3
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 462
Ely4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB UserEly4 HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

Quote:
Okay, so, right before I left work tonight, I heard another co-worker talk to a cashier about me, and I asked her what she was saying. She said that co-worker said "you're the only person here that is goofy looking" or something like that.
So you're not even sure that's what she said?

You really do need to stop worrying about what other people think of you and work on getting your self-esteem up.

Have you thought that going around worrying about what poeple think of you could actually make you less attractive in itself? Walk tall, hold your head up, be happy and stop worrying about what everyone else may or may not be thinking or saying.

 
Old 04-23-2010, 07:39 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 969
justmel30 HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

I think the better question here is why do you care? There are many different types of people in this world and we can find flaw in all of them. We can also find wonder and beauty in all. I wouldn't analyze this in the least! If she was simply teasing, then life goes on and all is fine. If she was criticising you in some way, or gossiping if you will, then again, who care! If she was saying something not nice about you, well I'm sure you could take a good hard look at her and find 10 things wrong without a second glance, and not to mention the obvious fact that she is rude. Just shake it off and do your job. Life is much less complicated that way. Good luck to you!
Melissa

 
Old 04-23-2010, 09:58 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 2,095
Redneon82 HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

This is really more of the same. People have told you time and time again that you should really try to find a way to stop focusing on what you think someone might possibly, maybe be saying or thinking about you. I know you don't want therapy, but really, there's no other way for you to learn to stop focusing on yourself and your skewed perceptions.
__________________
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

 
Old 04-23-2010, 07:24 PM   #6
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: IL, USA
Posts: 290
TryAgain121 HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
This is really more of the same. People have told you time and time again that you should really try to find a way to stop focusing on what you think someone might possibly, maybe be saying or thinking about you. I know you don't want therapy, but really, there's no other way for you to learn to stop focusing on yourself and your skewed perceptions.
I just don't understand why this keeps happening. And the thing is, I spend the majority of my time obessing about the perceptions of others, rather than my perceptions. I don't know what to think.

You're right, though, this is more of the same, and I wish it would just STOP.

Last edited by TryAgain121; 04-23-2010 at 07:25 PM.

 
Old 04-23-2010, 07:37 PM   #7
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 101
islandjohnny HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

I suggest the next time you go to work, walk past this person and sing where she can hear you ........."oh Lord it's hard to be humble, when you're perfect in EVERY way".....

Life is short, and as Jimmy Buffett sez, stay in touch with your insanity.

 
Old 04-23-2010, 07:42 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 969
justmel30 HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

Only you can stop it. There is no magic advice anyone can give you for it, not even a therepist. Although I do think talking to somebody might help you a little. But in the end, it's up to you to learn a new behavior and a new habbit. I come from a long line of people who are recovering from one thing or another and almost all of them suffered insecurities of one sort or another. Another thing most of them have in common is they are all hyper active in nature. Once they filled their time with good and positive things instead of laying around bored, depressed, and on drugs or alcohol.........everything improved. Even their insecurities because now they were taking pride in themselves. I think maybe you could take a lesson in that and just keep busy. For instance, when somebody says something about you.....why do you go analyzing and overanalyzing and reanalyzing every little aspect of it? Instead, when this came up at work, why didnt you just continue working? If your at home......clean something, or go somewhere, or start a project, or help a friend. There are so many other things to do then to just sit around wondering why. I think half of the worlds problems.....not all because there ARE those who genuinly have mental illness........however, at least half of the people out there, in my opinion, would do remarkably better if they just got out and did something instead of sitting around and letting their mind play tricks on them. Good luck to you.
Melissa

 
Old 04-23-2010, 07:56 PM   #9
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: IL, USA
Posts: 290
TryAgain121 HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

Quote:
Originally Posted by justmel30 View Post
Only you can stop it. There is no magic advice anyone can give you for it, not even a therepist. Although I do think talking to somebody might help you a little. But in the end, it's up to you to learn a new behavior and a new habbit. I come from a long line of people who are recovering from one thing or another and almost all of them suffered insecurities of one sort or another. Another thing most of them have in common is they are all hyper active in nature. Once they filled their time with good and positive things instead of laying around bored, depressed, and on drugs or alcohol.........everything improved. Even their insecurities because now they were taking pride in themselves. I think maybe you could take a lesson in that and just keep busy. For instance, when somebody says something about you.....why do you go analyzing and overanalyzing and reanalyzing every little aspect of it? Instead, when this came up at work, why didnt you just continue working? If your at home......clean something, or go somewhere, or start a project, or help a friend. There are so many other things to do then to just sit around wondering why. I think half of the worlds problems.....not all because there ARE those who genuinly have mental illness........however, at least half of the people out there, in my opinion, would do remarkably better if they just got out and did something instead of sitting around and letting their mind play tricks on them. Good luck to you.
Melissa
Hmm...I'm beginning to think the only tricks my mind has played on me is that I deserve respect/happiness/a life to be proud of. I suppose genetics isn't pretty, literally, sometimes. But also in a figurative sense. I don't even have intelligence to compensate for my goofy/ugly appearance.

I'm really starting to hate people for reflecting my self-truth. But also, I hate them for not realizing their own flaws.

 
Old 04-24-2010, 08:53 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 969
justmel30 HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

First of all, that's human nature! People, all people, yourself and myself included find fault in others without putting ourselves in that person's shoes or recognizing what is wrong with ourselves at one point in time or another. Nobody is perfect! That's the whole point. Second, if you tell yourself your ugly, worthless, and stupid, then you will be ugly, worthless and stupid. It's a lie you are telling yourself. There isn't any way to dance around that. You do deserve respect, but that doesn't mean you will get it! You have to respect yourself first, and then, when others dont, you will still have enough respect for yourself to know that you are a good and descent person. Nothing can take that away from you or shake your little world as much as this ignorant womans comment has done to you so long as you find enough self esteem to be ok with you. And as far as hating others for reflecting your self truth.......we as humans only have a limited amount of superpowers, but reflecting the flaws of somebody else is not one of them. Look with your eye's wide open sir, you will see that most of us are not reflective in nature, but rather transparent. It's easy to see right through us........what makes us tick, what makes us insecure, what we want, hope, and dream for. We really are not half as in depth as many would have you believe. In short, stop telling yourself your ugly, and worthless. And stop being afraid of somebody thinking you are ugly and worthless. Love yourself and then the rest doesn't matter so much.

 
Old 04-24-2010, 08:56 AM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 2,095
Redneon82 HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

So you hate others because you don't like yourself. THAT is it in a nutshell.

Your perceptions are so incredibly distorted, yet you seem completely unwilling to DO anything to try to fix them.

Maybe these people you imagine are always talking about you (and that's a pretty self-centered way of thinking) are picking up on your negativity and are commenting on THAT, not on your imagined ugliness.

The only one who can change this is you, but only if you really want to. So far, you haven't. Remember, if you change nothing, nothing changes.
__________________
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

 
Old 04-24-2010, 09:24 AM   #12
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,976
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TryAgain121 View Post
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so, right before I left work tonight, I heard another co-worker talk to a cashier about me, and I asked her what she was saying. She said that co-worker said "you're the only person here that is goofy looking" or something like that..
As ALWAYS, you're taking some random conversation that you heard, which CLEARLY had nothing to do with you, and ASSUMING that it was all about you. Just like last time when that random girl walking in front of you into your work was laughing about something and you were sooooooooo sure it was about you, even though she was in front of you and didn't even see you or know you were behind her.

As usual, you take things way out of context and assume the worst. If you look at this situation with the cashier like a Normal person would, it would be clear that the goofy person comment was directed at the guy she was talking to and NOT to you! She said it to him! So how in the world could you possibly think it was about you?

I have said this to you before a hundred times and I will say it again: You need to stop assuming that people who don't know you give a rat's behind enough about you to say stuff about you. Strangers who don't know you really don't care about you or what you look like! So when they are laughing about something or talking negatively about someone, it is about someone they know! Not about some random guy whose name they don't even know (that would be you)m

You are constantly overplaying your importance to people who don't know you and you need to stop it. Unless someone looks right at you and specifically says YOU are whatever whatever (fill in the blank), then you know they are not talking about you!

Stop eavsdropping on peoples conversations, too, because every situation you have posted here about has been regarding little bits of conversations you have heard from strangers you are in the same place at the same time with and who are talking about something that has nothing to do with you.

 
Old 04-24-2010, 08:37 PM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 931
digmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

Sorry if this sounds harsh but... you are the most insecure person I've ever seen on here. All of your posts are similar to this. You need to work on yourself and get therapy or this stuff is gonna make you miserable if it isn't already. I thought this sounded like the person who was worried what someone else said about his IQ, and I checked to be sure, and sure enough...

Oh, and you said "why does this keep happening?" Think of it as a self-fulfilling prophecy... you're looking for it constantly, plus your attitude probably brings it to fruition. Kind of like the way horses freak out and get scared if they sense that you're scared... Even though you don't like yourself, you're very self-centered. If you don't wanna go to therapy, I think you could benefit from some sort of volunteer work just so you can get OUT of yourself and out of your head. People are generally concerned with their own lives and people have other things to talk about than talk about whatever minor flaws you may have. Your life probably isn't working out the way you want it because of your negativity and lack of confidence. People can sense that and it's not attractive. It pushes people away.

I also sense that you don't really think you're not intelligent or unattractive. At least you don't think you're unintelligent - what you're mad about is you think other people don't notice your intelligence enough, and that makes you mad and hurts your ego. I used to be like this too, that's how I can see it so clearly in you. I worked on learning to be okay with being neither the best nor the worst and deflating my ego.

Last edited by digmusic; 04-24-2010 at 08:48 PM.

 
Old 04-25-2010, 12:16 AM   #14
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: IL, USA
Posts: 290
TryAgain121 HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

Quote:
Originally Posted by digmusic View Post
I also sense that you don't really think you're not intelligent or unattractive. At least you don't think you're unintelligent - what you're mad about is you think other people don't notice your intelligence enough, and that makes you mad and hurts your ego. I used to be like this too, that's how I can see it so clearly in you. I worked on learning to be okay with being neither the best nor the worst and deflating my ego.
Actually, for numerous reasons, I have severe doubts about whether I am intelligent or not. And, as weird as it seems, when someone randomly says I seem "pretty smart" or whatever, that gets me equally mad because I wonder if they're lying, have some alterior motive, etc, or that I know the majority of people don't see me like that. Also, just because someone calls someone else stupid does not make it true, especially when your dealing with co-workers in a retail store. But anyway it sucks because deep down I know I won't be in any prestigious position that might say "hey I'm somewhat smart." I have to cope with the reality that that won't happen.

About the current situation...I asked this co-worker if I could ask her something later (about a manager, but I didn't say that part), and she said "no, I won't date you," which is weird because I've never touched/said anything crude to her. Although she has touched me.

I'll respond to the rest later.

Last edited by TryAgain121; 04-25-2010 at 12:26 AM.

 
Old 04-25-2010, 01:19 PM   #15
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 969
justmel30 HB User
Re: Teasing, or something else?

I'm sure your co-worker was joking. Honestly.....Youve never heard that one before? This is absolutely rediculous. Everyone here is telling you pretty much the same thing, and your refusing to listen. So why do you ask a question to begin with? I think you just like to argue, and you have nothing better to do then to find sinicism and any or all situations possible. You seriously need to get help.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
wondering if I have learning disability or something else cloggedme352 Learning Disorders 6 05-01-2010 07:06 AM
Full Disclosure - Where I am now - Any Else? billtwild Acid Reflux / GERD 3 04-26-2010 07:27 PM
8 Months Pregnant, Upset with Fiancee' Teasing Beedurmus Relationship Health 7 11-16-2008 06:55 PM
all the teasing Allie_Baby027 Cerebral Palsy 10 04-13-2006 09:03 PM
I think god is teasing me! Mr.G Herpes 11 07-06-2005 06:33 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (272), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (97), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (904), Titchou (847), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (754), midwest1 (668), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:07 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!