Hi all. I need some insight into the male brain..I just found out that my fiance, who I have been with for 3 yrs now, lied to his co worker about cheating on me. He told me that he told his co worker stories about having girls on the side, to "impress him and look cool" bc he doesnt have a lot of friends. My fiance says he has never cheated and that he told him all this bc "thats how some guys are and they need to come off as a player to be considered cool"...Now he has done some shady things similair to this in the past but has always said he has never cheated. I dont know what to believe.
Now I know how guys are but I think him doing this was totally wrong and hurtful. But on the other hand, I do know thats how guys interact and want to come off "cool". Any advice or thoughts? Do you think he really is cheating or is it just him trying to impress?
The idle mind is the Devil's workshop.
I'm not a guy, but had to reply anyway.....
I think this BOY is not mature enough to be your fiance!
If he is still worrying about peer pressure and impressing other guys, he needs some time to grow up. What's he gonna do if you marry him?
brag/lie (?) about cheating on his WIFE?
I'd reconsider this marriage for now.
I'm not sure if he's lying about cheating or really cheating, but either way, a respectable man who respects his woman wouldn't do either!
I'd lose this clown.....
I have to agree with Rose. First, this seems like a really strange way to fit in with the boys. Even if it isn't true, he's still making you a joke and a laughing stock in front of his collegues. How do you think that makes you look to them? What do you think they think of you, assuming he's playing you for a fool and you're too stupid to see he's running around on you and/or too weak to do anything about it? How much respect do you think they now have for your relationship? When he's out with them, and they assume he cheats so they try to get him to take home some chippie they run into at a bar, how do you think he's going to handle it?
When a man is really ready to commit to a woman and be in a serious relationship, he respects her, and treats her with respect, even when she's not there, to everyone, and expects everyone in his life to treat her with respect, too. He's still a little boy who values what his buddies think more than your reputation, more than your feelings or needs, more than treating you with respect. He's not ready to be a good husband. Not by a long shot.
I agree with the others. Cheating or not, he is disrespectful. Do you find it acceptable to be with someone who will lie about trashing you? And thinks it cool? And needs that kind of validation for the guys? This is like 4th grade mentality.
I agree that now he's made you look like a clueless victim at best and a fool at worst. Does he not care at all what he did to you? Or does "looking cool" matter more to him?
Just to give you some perspective, I had a 4 year relationship with a guy who DID repeatedly cheat on me. After he (thankfully) broke up with me, his friends told me that they had lost a lot of respect for me because I put up with it and stayed. Many people now think I'm a fool and have no respect for myself. Great...
I would seriously reconsider marrying this guy. Like someone else said, once you're married, is he going to brag about cheating on his wife? He needs to grow up before he's ready to take on the responsibility of being a husband.
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
I'm a 31 year-old male, and I have a varied and large group of friends, acquaintances, and professional contacts, and I don't know anyone who would think it's "cool" to cheat on his significant other. And I know some real losers. Sorry.
Not ALL guys are like that, lying about conquests to sound "cool". In fact, MOST guys are NOT like that. And bragging about cheating? Most guys I know, if they hear a friend of theirs was cheating on his girlfriend would not think so highly of them.
I can't tell you whether or not you fiance is cheating on you, but he sure does need to grow the heck up. I'd never want to be with a guy who was so boastful about sleeping around or cheating (real or imagined). How revolting.
OMG, this guy is completely immature, immortal, and VERY disrespectful to you. I think that the others, who responded here, have said enough good things that I can "ditto" their comments. You need to SERIOUSLY reevaluate marrying this guy because what he did should be sending up a HUGE red flag!!
EDC means EveryDay Carry...........because everyone should carry a small light with them all the time.
You should read "Dude You're a ***". It's about this exact issue... of course, it's about boys in HIGH SCHOOL. I would advise you to rethink the wedding. I would never marry a guy who did this. I don't even think that sounds excessive because I think this is a big deal and shows a lot about who this guy is.
Perhaps he is insecure about himself and this draws him to say outlandish things. I know some people who are guilty of similar behavior, when not a kernel of truth was to be found.
On the other hand, I remember many an evening in the pub where my friends would talk about all the women they pulled in. I never had much to contribute and even though I'm not accustomed to giving into peer pressure, can admit I felt like the odd one out at times because of it. Perhaps he's trying to act like and "alpha". It's disrespectful to you, but a possibility.