Long story short: my mom has been saying for months that she is worried about my brother, to which I always tell her he's doing great. In other words, he has a great job, apartment, etc.
Yesterday I went on a social networking page in which he commented that he was just happy to be here. (making me wonder if something had jepordized his life, or something.)
I had a couple of drinks, and in bad judgement called him and told him my mom was worried about him, and that I always reassure her. However, I saw his wall post and just wanted to make sure he was ok.
He got really mad and said why tell me, etc. Then called my mom to reassure her. That night
I apologized to both people but I think the damage is already done. I'm confused that I caused such pain.
There is so much about this post that doesn't make any sense, I'm just not even sure where to begin?
You're going to have to elaborate. Why doesn't your mom know how your brother is doing and why can't she ask him herself? Why would he get so mad over you telling her what he is doing? Why would you assume his status meant he was in some kind of trouble? I have no idea what is going on in this situation?
I dont think you made any mistake at all! This is what siblings and parents do. My brother has given me that very same phone call before, and I have given it to him before as well. And my mother was never upset about it.......I'm sure she felt a little embarassed that somebody had to force a phonecall out of one of us to give her reassurance, but other then that, she was happy to hear everything was ok. I dont know your family history, but really, you didn't do anything that any normal sibling who loves her childsick mother woudn't have done.
Your brother overreacted! I still don't understand why it's SUCH A BIG DEAL about what you said to him? Who cares? What's the big deal? Why did he fly off the handle? I think what you really need to do is tell your brother to quit being such a drama queen.
As for your mom, I don't understand why you think you betrayed her? What was the betrayal? And again, why can't she just call him herself and ask him how he's doing? Are they not on speaking terms or something?
Well, My mom always said, don't tell your brother this but I wonder about his money issues, etc. I didn't tell him the specifics, I just said she was worried. And in the end, she may have assumed I told him more than I did.
Anyways I was pretty crucified, as if I had no right to stick my nose in, which I shouldn't have, but it was weird getting such a negative reaction from him.
I also wish to add that the others are correct in saying that you did NOTHING wrong. Somehow, I believe that you will just feel guilty, and everyone's input will mean very little.
I too wonder why your mom uses you as her instrument of wonder, instead of calling her son herself, unless there is a strained relationship there.
Many good folks here have vast (years) of real world knowledge, and can honestly relate to situations that we have experienced, or know of. I wish you and your family the very best and maybe it would be better if you stopped apologizing, and don't mention the situation with the family, giving it time to distance with mom and bother.
I dont mean to imply anything here, but I'm wondering if there are some addiction problems in your family. Their reaction almost borderlines the "dont talk, dont tell" attitude normally adopted by families affected by substance abuse. In other words, It's ok within your close circle to discuss something, but once you take that either to the source, or outside the family......look out! Because now you just made the ultimate betrayal. You were not supposed to tell. And I feel like your mom feels like something big is there with your brother........and also that she is probably right or your brother wouldnt have reacted the way he did, but because you actually addressed it, your the bad guy because you dared to come out with "the big secret". And like I said, I have a feeling the problem really is there, whatever it is, because your brothers reaction was sooooooooooooo intense. Then he goes back, consoles your mom, gets to be the good son again without ever having to be honest, your mom gets her son back, without having to look at reality, and you get the blame because subconciously, everyone knows that you almost forced the secret to come to the surface.
Anyway.....I could be way off my mark......it's only a theory. But if I'm correct, I hope you know that even if it seems worse......in the long run, it's way less painful to look a situation dead in the eye and be honest, then it is to play these games. You loved your mom and wanted her to have some peace, and you love your brother and wanted him to check in with your mom. Like I said in my previous post, there is nothing wrong with that. I do hope however, that you learn to not take others ill behavior, and put it all on you in turn making yourself ill. I hope you learn to look these things right in the eye, and call a spade a spade. I think you feel much less blindsided by situations like this if you learn to look at them honestly. Good luck to you.
If your mother didn't want your brother to know then she shouldn't have been talking to you about it in the first place. And why is your brother so mad that your mom is worried about him? And why is any of this your fault?
Don't let them make this your fault. It sounds like it is between them and they've tried to put you in the middle and make you the scapegoat for their relationship. Don't let them do that to you.