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Old 04-26-2010, 04:35 PM   #1
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I feel like no one will ever like me again

Long story short: my mom has been saying for months that she is worried about my brother, to which I always tell her he's doing great. In other words, he has a great job, apartment, etc.

Yesterday I went on a social networking page in which he commented that he was just happy to be here. (making me wonder if something had jepordized his life, or something.)

I had a couple of drinks, and in bad judgement called him and told him my mom was worried about him, and that I always reassure her. However, I saw his wall post and just wanted to make sure he was ok.

He got really mad and said why tell me, etc. Then called my mom to reassure her. That night

I apologized to both people but I think the damage is already done. I'm confused that I caused such pain.

What in the world should I do?

Last edited by nikmurph; 04-26-2010 at 04:36 PM.

 
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Old 04-26-2010, 05:19 PM   #2
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

There is so much about this post that doesn't make any sense, I'm just not even sure where to begin?

You're going to have to elaborate. Why doesn't your mom know how your brother is doing and why can't she ask him herself? Why would he get so mad over you telling her what he is doing? Why would you assume his status meant he was in some kind of trouble? I have no idea what is going on in this situation?

 
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Old 04-26-2010, 05:21 PM   #3
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

Also, why does this one incident make you think no one will ever like you again? That seems to be a bit of an extreme reaction, not to mention puzzling.
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Old 04-26-2010, 05:30 PM   #4
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

Well, long story short my mom has been saying for months that she's worried about my brother because he always seems to be broke but he has a job, and she just doesn't get why.

I always tell her he's fine, a normal late twenty something guy.

I had a couple of drinks and in very poor judgement called him and said, mom's worried about you, please don't tell her I told you , but I figured you should know so you can re-assure her.

Anyways he got really mad and said "you really need to think about what you say to me, bla bla bla." then that night called my mom and told her he's fine and really sensitive about it.

Anyways, I called my mom today and apologized, and I apologized to him, but I think in general I betrayed my mom and shouldn't of ever talked to my brother.

The social networking site was something I mis intrepreted to mean that he was happy to be ok, like something was wrong, but now that I'm sober it doesn't make sense.


Anyways, I made an awful mistake, what else is there to do>?

 
Old 04-26-2010, 06:35 PM   #5
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

I dont think you made any mistake at all! This is what siblings and parents do. My brother has given me that very same phone call before, and I have given it to him before as well. And my mother was never upset about it.......I'm sure she felt a little embarassed that somebody had to force a phonecall out of one of us to give her reassurance, but other then that, she was happy to hear everything was ok. I dont know your family history, but really, you didn't do anything that any normal sibling who loves her childsick mother woudn't have done.

 
Old 04-26-2010, 06:45 PM   #6
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

Your brother overreacted! I still don't understand why it's SUCH A BIG DEAL about what you said to him? Who cares? What's the big deal? Why did he fly off the handle? I think what you really need to do is tell your brother to quit being such a drama queen.

As for your mom, I don't understand why you think you betrayed her? What was the betrayal? And again, why can't she just call him herself and ask him how he's doing? Are they not on speaking terms or something?

 
Old 04-26-2010, 10:06 PM   #7
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

And I still don't get how this incident means that no one will ever like you again.
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:50 PM   #8
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

This is not a big deal in the slightest... I think by "no one" she meant no one in her family... still, are your brother or your mother mentally ill? Sorry to be blunt but i have an inkling..

 
Old 04-27-2010, 06:45 PM   #9
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

Well, My mom always said, don't tell your brother this but I wonder about his money issues, etc. I didn't tell him the specifics, I just said she was worried. And in the end, she may have assumed I told him more than I did.

Anyways I was pretty crucified, as if I had no right to stick my nose in, which I shouldn't have, but it was weird getting such a negative reaction from him.

 
Old 04-27-2010, 07:13 PM   #10
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

I also wish to add that the others are correct in saying that you did NOTHING wrong. Somehow, I believe that you will just feel guilty, and everyone's input will mean very little.

I too wonder why your mom uses you as her instrument of wonder, instead of calling her son herself, unless there is a strained relationship there.

Many good folks here have vast (years) of real world knowledge, and can honestly relate to situations that we have experienced, or know of. I wish you and your family the very best and maybe it would be better if you stopped apologizing, and don't mention the situation with the family, giving it time to distance with mom and bother.

 
Old 04-28-2010, 08:34 PM   #11
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

Yeah, I think everyone is right. Sometimes I feel like the whipping post in the family, people feel entitled to look down on me or something. I don't get it.

before I got this feedback I did sent a message to my brother apologizing, and he never responded.

Thanks everyone for your help. I was really worried, but then again that's the problem in and of itself.

 
Old 04-28-2010, 09:15 PM   #12
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

I dont mean to imply anything here, but I'm wondering if there are some addiction problems in your family. Their reaction almost borderlines the "dont talk, dont tell" attitude normally adopted by families affected by substance abuse. In other words, It's ok within your close circle to discuss something, but once you take that either to the source, or outside the family......look out! Because now you just made the ultimate betrayal. You were not supposed to tell. And I feel like your mom feels like something big is there with your brother........and also that she is probably right or your brother wouldnt have reacted the way he did, but because you actually addressed it, your the bad guy because you dared to come out with "the big secret". And like I said, I have a feeling the problem really is there, whatever it is, because your brothers reaction was sooooooooooooo intense. Then he goes back, consoles your mom, gets to be the good son again without ever having to be honest, your mom gets her son back, without having to look at reality, and you get the blame because subconciously, everyone knows that you almost forced the secret to come to the surface.
Anyway.....I could be way off my mark......it's only a theory. But if I'm correct, I hope you know that even if it seems worse......in the long run, it's way less painful to look a situation dead in the eye and be honest, then it is to play these games. You loved your mom and wanted her to have some peace, and you love your brother and wanted him to check in with your mom. Like I said in my previous post, there is nothing wrong with that. I do hope however, that you learn to not take others ill behavior, and put it all on you in turn making yourself ill. I hope you learn to look these things right in the eye, and call a spade a spade. I think you feel much less blindsided by situations like this if you learn to look at them honestly. Good luck to you.
Melissa

 
Old 04-29-2010, 07:42 AM   #13
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Re: I feel like no one will ever like me again

If your mother didn't want your brother to know then she shouldn't have been talking to you about it in the first place. And why is your brother so mad that your mom is worried about him? And why is any of this your fault?

Don't let them make this your fault. It sounds like it is between them and they've tried to put you in the middle and make you the scapegoat for their relationship. Don't let them do that to you.

 
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