So I don’t know how most people feel about loyalty in their friendships…?
To make a long story short, my fiancés ex gf has been malicious toward me ever since he and I started dating several years ago. It started out with insults behind my back and online. She went so far as to physically attack me. (It was unprovoked by me, she snuck up behind me.) I was afraid for a long time afterward. I don’t gossip about her, because I don’t want it getting back to her, as we know many of the same people. So I keep my mouth shut.
Anyway, I was out with friends recently, talking to my friend “Todd,” and the ex came up and insulted me to my face (even tossed her hair if you can believe that). I ignored it. After she went inside, I commented to Todd how hurtful that was, and Todd said that he still thinks she’s “a great person.”
Wow, thanks dude. I didn’t expect him to punch her out or anything, but geez, a tiny bit of support would’ve been nice. I was hurt, and it seemed unnecessary for him to add that remark. Now that I think of it, he has made similar comments to me since the physical attack, telling me how wonderful he thinks she is.
I know that some of my friends are friends with the ex, and that’s life of course, but they don’t bring her up in conversation with me or purposely tell me how wonderful she is, which I’m grateful for. I’ll say hello and be polite to Todd, but I don’t feel like reaching out to him for friendship any longer. It doesn’t feel right. My fiancé is disappointed in Todd’s attitude also, and thinks I should reassess my friendship with him. He thinks Todd is trying too hard to be a neutral party, and that doesn't always work.
I guess my question is, would you still speak to Todd if you were me? To what extent? Would you tell him that you are hurt, or say nothing and distance yourself?