I was with my ex (S) for 6 years. (We did break up several times in the middle but we would always end up back together). I started my relationship with him when i was 17. We are almost the same age. (He's 6 months younger than me) In the beginning we were happy together. He came from a dysfunctional family.
After a year and a half later (our relationship), we had an argument and he hit me. I forgave him. I did suggest therapy but he refused. I loved him too much and didn't break up. He still made me happy. Then after 8 months he hit me again, in front of my friends. He said I provoked him. Again i forgave him and tried to move on. He still wouldn't see a therapist. After a while I got fed up and broke up with him. 2 weeks later I started dating a friend of mine. It drove him (S) crazy and he would call me and cry and would want me back. Things between the new guy and me didn't work out, I missed my ex too much.I broke up with him and got back with my ex (S). Anyway when I got back with him, one day he would make me the happiest in the world and the next day he would say that I cheated on him and left him. It got worse. A guy in my college asked me out and I said yes. Broke up with my ex again. I was okay, but again I would miss my ex too much. I went back to him. We would fight and the next day we would patch up. After a while he kept on accusing me off cheating on him and finally one day he lost control and smashed my head on the dashboard. I forgave him again. This time i insisted he needed therapy, and I told him straight on his face that he had some serious issues. I forgave him anyway, started working on our relationship and things got better. We were happy, he stopped hitting me no matter how much i screamed at him, he wouldnt' raise his hand.
Two months ago, he said he wanted to break up because he liked someone else. He dumped me. And now he's with this other girl. It drives me crazy. I lie on my bed the whole day, can't concentrate on anything, don't want to go out. I tried to avoid calling him, but it doesnt work, He picks up the phone, sometimes he's extremely rude to me while sometimes he's nice. I'm in denial. I expect him to come back one day. I wait for him. I even saw a therapist. It didn'T really work. I want to die. I wish somebody would just put a bullet to my head. I don't see light at the end of the tunnel. PLEASE HELP.
I don't mean to be harsh here, but you're all busted up just because some abusive loser jerk broke up with you? I'm sorry but NO BIG LOSS! The guy is an idiot, he physically abused you throughout the entire relationship! He kept accusing you of bs stuff that you didn't even do! He's a loser! And you're this upset about it? Are you serious?
Quit putting this loser on such a high pedestal. If anything, he's lower than pond scum for how he treated you over these years. He doesn't deserve to even breathe the same air as you, much less be in your life in any capacity. Stop idealizing him like you lost some great guy who was the man of your dreams because he was NOT that at all!
It's time for you to snap out of it and realize how lucky you are that you're not in this relationship anymore! Now he is someone else's problem, thankfully, so now you're free to find a guy who won't hit you or accuse you of cheating or whatever else you've been accused of. This relationship was toxic from the beginning and for you to actually want that back says a lot about how much damage it did to your perception of your self-worth. You apparently don't think you deserve to be in a loving, caring, respectful and normal relationship. No thanks to him, you actually believe you're losing out on something great. The fact of the matter is, you've WON this battle because you're actually free from the constant mental and physical abuse!
Get yourself some counseling because the only way you will have a healthy relationship in the future is if you work on the reasons why you think this relationship was so great when in fact it was extremely destructive. There was nothing positive about this relationship, it was all bad news. You need to work with a therapist and find out why you are so willing to be hit and disrespected and treated like garbage and you need to put a stop to that kind of acceptance. You have to realize that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who will never hit you - EVER, no matter what.
Wow, just wow. You should listen to Kazan. You are lucky that he broke up with you. Please continue to go to therapy. You need to find out why you would end up with a guy like him in the first place. You have to address this now because if you don't you'll end up in another abusive relationship.