Larrylou'smom

Lolly, really, what else can you do? You say you don't want to throw away what you have just because of the way he's being. Let's think about that for a minute. You don't want to leave him just because he's being...himself?! That's really what you're saying.

You're making the same mistake most young women make in their first relationships. The same mistake I made. You want some magic key, some magic formula that will make the angry, verbally abusive guy go away, and the sweet, loving wonderful guy stay for good. But what you don't realize is that they are both him. Those two people cannot be separated and divied up. For some reason you've decided to believe that the angry, verbally abusive, mean guy is not really him. You have to realize, yes, it is him. It's a part of him that he has no intention or desire to work on or change. It's like playing a slot machine. You put a quarter in, nothing. Put another two in, you get one back, put that one in, you get 5 back. You put 4 in, you get 10. You play 8 of those, you get three back. etc. You win just enough to keep you playing, but you never win the big jackpot. It's a game you never win.

Just because you love someone doesn't mean it's healthy to be in a relationship with them. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you SHOULD be in a relationship with them. A healthy, mutually respectful relationship takes more than love. It takes trust, honesty, and respect. Your man doesn't have any of these things for you.

I think you need to start at the root of the problem. You need to deal with you. You cannot change anyone else's behavior but your own. You don't have control over anyone else's free will, and you cannot make someone else change or become someone else. The only thing you can do is change your reaction to it. I think the first thing you need to do is do some soul searching and try to find out why you have such a low opnion of yourself. Why do you allow someone to mistreat you and talk to you in a disrespectful, abusive, hurtful manner. Why do you believe you don't deserve any better? Why do you believe you will never find any better? You need to work on your self esteem and get to the bottom of why you don't take better care of yourself and why you don't expect better treatment. Every time you stay, every time you accept his apology and make everything nice again, you are teaching him that he can verbally abuse you and be mean to you and break your spirit down with no consequence, and you will just stay and take it and he never has to worry about losing you. Personally, I don't think he does worry about losing you, or he wouldn't treat you that way. his ego would be bruised, but it wouldn't break his heart if you left. If he had anything real in his heart for you to begin with, he wouldn't treat you that way. It's pretty much that simple.

Deal with yourself first. Once you fix your self esteem issues, you won't want to sacrifice your happiness and sense of self worth to be with a man who treats you so badly.