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Old 05-05-2010, 02:09 PM   #1
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 0
KQueen HB User
Insecure/Depressed in Relationship

hi all.
not sure whether to put this in here or in the depression threads.
i'm 30 and have a bf who is a little bit younger than me, we have a nearly one year old and my 9 year old from a previous relationship.
i'm not sure whats happening to me but i find myself starting to get very insecure about our relationship. i have no rational reason to but i can't seem to find any good points about myself. this is not usual for me. i'm not sure whether it has something to do with PND or past r/ships but it is killing me!!
i love my partner very much, we've been together over 2 years and i always think he's up to no good or he's going to leave or something ridiculous.
how do i stop this? my snarky comments are going to ruin us but i get so defensive, i just cant help myself
any help/advice would be great, thanks.

 
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Old 05-06-2010, 01:16 AM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 11
Look2TheHorizon HB User
Re: Insecure/Depressed in Relationship

I did this with my recent ex. We were together for 3 years but around the 2nd year I started thinking that she wanted to "do something" with someone else or that she was "just not on the same page" as me. I'm not sure why this switch flicked on but it did. Just as we were breaking up I started seeing a psychologist and he has really helped. For me, I would just obsess about her doing something that I was not ok with, be it sexually dancing with some guy, going on a date, or acting like she didn't have a boyfriend around new guys or whatever. These fears came before anything happened with us but I could not stop having them and they would result in me making some rude comment about how she "could do whatever with any guys she wanted" or something to that effect. I think that being able to calm myself down and not dwell on irrational things has really helped me. Sometimes intuition is right but when you love someone you should want to believe the best in them. I have began to do this and even though we are not toghether (she wants to "be friends and see where that goes") I feel less anxious about everything. I'm not sure if this is similar enough to your situation to be at all helpful but I see some of my actions in what you are saying. Nevertheless, you are the only person that can make you happy, you have no control over what anyone else does so even if your fears were realized there was nothing that your getting upset about it helped. It probably only succeeded in pushing him away because being yelled at all the time for something you have not done is no fun.

 
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Old 05-06-2010, 11:58 PM   #3
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 0
KQueen HB User
Re: Insecure/Depressed in Relationship

hey there,

thanks for the reply. it's sooo good to know that i am not the only one who has been through/is going through this. after i posted this, i sifted through
the other threads and saw that these thoughts are more common than i
would have ever expected them to be.
there are a lot of things i think why i am this way at the moment and i
am glad that i found these boards so i can talk to others in the same, or
similar boats....
i know i do need to see someone but its just an option financially at
present

maybe the idle mind really is the devils friend....

 
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Old 05-07-2010, 02:32 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 101
islandjohnny HB User
Re: Insecure/Depressed in Relationship

Sorry to read about your confusion and the pain it is causing you. Know that you are far from being alone with these feelings. Although we all different is many ways, we are all human with feelings of insecurities, wonderment's and obsessions. We ask ourselves, what if this, or what then if that happens. As some say, it's good to keep in touch with our insanity, but not to let it drive us crazy. If we're not careful, our unanswered questions can actually get to that point.

I've honestly learned to take one day at a time, be extremely thankful for the days that are good, and push yourself to be positive on the days that are overcast. After all, we can only control our own thoughts and feelings, and have no power over what others are led to feel in their life.

Wishing you the best in health..........and please be strong in knowing that YOU, and only YOU......can find inner peace when the doubts of this life surround you.

I will forever remember my mother telling me to be the tower of strength she knows I can be........and in doing so, give hope to others by example.

Last edited by islandjohnny; 05-07-2010 at 02:37 AM.

 
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