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Old 05-06-2010, 03:21 PM   #1
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Confused and not knowing what to believe

Ok here is my situation. Michael (40) and myself (37) have been together for 3 years beginning of four this month. I am a full time worker and college student , he stays at home doesnt work. We have had many ups and downs.
Last night I had a paper due for a class and email it to my prof. through my hotmail account , and also to myself to that same account to make sure it opened and worked. When I checked my hotmail my paper would not open, so I decided to send that paper to my yahoo email account. When i went to my yahoo account looking for the paper to try to see if it would open , i was confused. The account didnt look right ...so i started looking through the account to find out what the deal was...to my surprise i was somehow in michaels email account and in his sent mail. To my shock and dismay here are emails to several girls during the years of 2008 and 2009. They were messages saying cant wait to chat with you, there were pics sent to these girls of hiim and our dog in our old apt, there were messages such as i tried to talk to you online but everytime he tried she jumped offline and and that he was trying here and maybe she was too ****** off at him for this to work out .....he sent virutal flowers to girls saying he missed them ,etc etc . I dont know what to think . I confronted him on it....and i made him promise me on his grandmothers grave...whom he loves more than life itself...that he didnt email any girls, knowing that he did , and he siad he didnt . i brought it up later today and he said to me , that it meant nothing, it was during times we werent getting along, it meant nothing ....that i shouldnt be mad. ....that i was snooping, which i was not . He thinks I shouldnt be hurt or angry ....I dont know what to think. We have had sex maybe 3 times in the time we have been together . He says we dont because im a ***** and ***** at him all the time . I dont understand ...i am the one workng to provide for us , im the one going to school, im the one doing everything and we are barely getting by and now i find this ...im not sure if i should just let this slide by or if it should be some big red flag saying get the heck out of this ...help me figure this out plllleeaasseee

 
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Old 05-06-2010, 04:13 PM   #2
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

You're paying the rent.
You don't have sex.
He calls you a b****.
He emails other women and sends them virtual flowers.

You don't have a boyfriend. You have a man-child you are housing. I don't see any signs of an adult "relationship" in this at all. Seriously! Sorry, but what is there to hang on to? What exactly are you getting out of keeping this guy around?

 
Old 05-06-2010, 05:13 PM   #3
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

Why doesn't he work?
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Old 05-06-2010, 06:41 PM   #4
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
Why doesn't he work?
wish i had the answer myself ....i dont know . too lazy to look for work , and then cant hold on to a job when he does get one . i dont know ...my question has more to do with what i should think about the emails ....i dont know what to do

 
Old 05-06-2010, 06:42 PM   #5
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

Quote:
Originally Posted by River rocks View Post
You're paying the rent.
You don't have sex.
He calls you a b****.
He emails other women and sends them virtual flowers.

You don't have a boyfriend. You have a man-child you are housing. I don't see any signs of an adult "relationship" in this at all. Seriously! Sorry, but what is there to hang on to? What exactly are you getting out of keeping this guy around?
i am mostly concerned about the emails....what should i think of that . i know they were sent on two different years during our relationship.
i want to know the brutal truth .

 
Old 05-06-2010, 07:21 PM   #6
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

Sidestepping what the real issues are here isn't going to solve anything. The fact that he doesn't work, doesn't have sex with you and calls you disrespectful names, and the fact that you put up with all that, is EXACTLY why he's sending these other women e-mails. You allow him to disrespect you in so many other ways that he sees no reason to be honest and faithful to you.
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Old 05-06-2010, 08:39 PM   #7
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

He's a 40 year old man and doesn't know what he wants. Theres the truth for you. I agree with the Man-child remark.

 
Old 05-06-2010, 10:05 PM   #8
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

The emails are the least of your problems. You're 100% supporting a dork who can't even hold down a job, exactly what kind of future do you expect to have if you stay with him? I've got news for you, if he can't hold down a job at his age, he never will! And why should he when you're paying all the bills?

He has a free ride with you. Free place to live, free food, free everything cause you just keep paying for him and paying for him. He has no future and he knows it. But the longer you stay with him, the more he will continue to drag you down with him.

How could you possibly want to stay with some no-job having guy who just keeps taking from you and never contributing anything? This is not a relationship. The only give and take going on is you giving and him taking! How can you possibly be ok with such an unbalanced and one sided relationship? That sounds like a miserable way to live and I can't imagine why anyone would willingly stay in that situation.

 
Old 05-06-2010, 10:28 PM   #9
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

So...you say you've had sex maybe 3 times in almost 4 years??? Is that right? And he says the reason why he doesn't want to have sex with you is because you're a witch with a capital B? And when you found proof that he was flirting with other women and trying to make time with other women, he got mad at you and told you that you had no right to be angry? Wow.

First, about the emails, how should you feel about them? Well, what does your gut tell you? Go with that. Your gut is right. God gave you women's intuition for a reason. Use it.

But I have to agree with the other posters here. The emails to other women are just a symptom of the real problem. The real problem is, he doesn't respect you, I would even say he probably doesn't really love you. He's barely even a boyfriend. He doesn't sleep with you, he thinks you're a bad person, he calls you names, he doesnt' care what you think or feel. Ask yourself this - why on EARTH is he with you, then? Mmmmmm, could it be because you pay his way, free rent, free food, a nice cushy life, and the freedom to mess around with other women, you think? That's what it sounds like to me.

But here's the more important question - Why on EARTH are you with him??? He doesnt' pay his way, he isn't responsible at all for his own life, he messes around with other women and lies to you about it, he calls you names, he won't have sex with you because he thinks you're this witchy, horrible person, and doesn't care if you are hurt or angry. You need to really stop and think about this and ask yourself this question - WHY are you with him???

 
Old 05-07-2010, 05:35 AM   #10
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

What should you think about the e-mails? You should think that he is looking for someone else because he really doesn't want to be with you? What should you do about the e-mails? Tell him that you guys are through and he needs to find another place to live.

 
Old 05-07-2010, 06:21 AM   #11
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

Hello, I feel for you. You're obviously trying hard to make this relationship work, but you are with the wrong guy. He just sounds like an unhappy person incapable of really loving. As others have asked, what is he contributing to you and to your relationship??

As far as the emails, they show that he wasn't committed to you or your relationship in 2008 and 2009. The fact that he lied about them shows he is not interested in an open and honest relationship and that you can't trust him. There would probably have been recent emails from 2010, if the girl hadn't stopped talking to him in 2009.

I think you deserve a man who is committed to you (wouldn't cheat, send emails to other women, lie to you), who treats you with love, respect, and who contributes to the household.

Remember that the key to knowing how a man feels about you and your relationship is to look at what he DOES, not what he SAYS.

 
Old 05-07-2010, 06:29 AM   #12
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

what should you think of the emails?
I think if it was me I'd be hoping he'd find someone else to take him off my hands. He's a loser! He doesn't respect you and he's using you. You are employed and furthering your education.....you're way too good for this clown! What are you wasting your time with this guy for?
I also think you need to get some self respect and stop allowing this guy to wipe his feet on you.....you're his doormat.
you know what needs to be done, now do it!

 
Old 05-07-2010, 08:08 AM   #13
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

This guy needs to be in counseling and maybe on medication. I think some counseling would be good for you also. It will probably be very hard to get him to move out, so I would get help ASAP. You may have to be the one who leaves.

 
Old 05-07-2010, 08:11 AM   #14
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

I think this guy needs a kick in the butt out the door.....not counselling

 
Old 05-08-2010, 12:59 AM   #15
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Re: Confused and not knowing what to believe

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
I think this guy needs a kick in the butt out the door.....not counselling
Rose, I agree with you 100%.

Well you said you wanted the brutal truth and Rose gave it to you. Your concern is what should you think about the emails. Well my concern is WHY ARE YOU DEALING WITH THIS LOSER? WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM AFTER HE REPEATEDLY CALL YOU THE B WORD. WHY ARE YOU ALLOWING THIS GUY TO SIT AROUND IN YOUR HOUSE AND ABSOLUTELY DO NOTHING? He obviously is using you. My guess is that you are only in it for companionship. ..thats all that this loser can give you. And your concern is with emails...well how do you know he hasn't met up with any of these girls and slept with them. He isn't having sex with you right...well we all know that men love having sex...so maybe he is having sex with someone else. Have you have thought about that? The emails are just an eye opener. YOU HAD AND HAVE WAY MORE ISSUES THAN EMAILS. If he can lie to you on his grandmother grave then there is a lot more to the story. All you saw were emails and if he couldn't tell you the truth about that...that you should tell you that he probably was more involved with these girls than just writing to them and sending them virtual flowers. He probably was in love with her or them too...even sneaking out to see them while you were in school or working.

Like Beyonce says in one of her songs to us women...'why do we keep holding on' when we know the guy is no good. Your better off with a guy who works and helps you pay the bills and has sex with you...a man that loves and respects you and not call you the b word. How RUDE is that!!! That should be your CONCERN!!!
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Last edited by ncyky; 05-08-2010 at 01:04 AM.

 
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