I didn't want to post this because I just wanted to drop it but I am stuck at home and thinking, so was looking for others opinions.
My ex and I have been broken up a year now. We are on good terms. I didnt take the relationship as seriously as I should, didnt put forth the time I should and sometimes didn't treat her the way she deserved. I am to blame and have accepted that. A couple months ago I decided I wouldnt text her anymore. I realized the only time we talk is if I initiate contact. Well a few weeks after I decided that, she text me out of nowhere saying she was just checking in, that we havnet talked in a while. So we text back and forth that night. A week later my computer was sending out spam to my friends email. She responded just joking if I sent her porn. Well for some reason in the response I said "maybe we can talk later this week" and she said she's love to catch up. We had about a 1 hour phone call and she ended with "good to catch up, seriously lets not let it go so long next time'
2 weeks past and we had no contact and I get another text saying "havent talked in a while, just checking in" I kept it short and said "Good to hear from ya" she ended with "Keep in touch! Talk to you soon" I didnt respond.
Now i'll preface by saying her parents have a cookout once a month in the summer where family and neighbors come over and play volleyball. Well a week after those texts I get an email about it. Her dad sent out an email announcing the first volleyball picnic. Well she responded to her dad, and added my email to the list. I thought this was very strange. I didnt say aything to her for over a week. But I had to somehwo see if it was an accident or what. I sent a joking text about losing a golf bet and having to caddy someone. She used to be a caddy in college. Her first text back was "haha...are you guys comming to volleyball" She also added my best friend and his wife on the emails. I just told her I hadnt talked to them. And we havnet talked since.
I know better than to read anything into it. But i just thought it was strange. Even tho we are friends, and talk occasionally it just seemed funny that 2 weeks after we tlak on the phone I get a "havent talked in a while' text. And she invites me to her parents house where all her family is going to be. We had lunch 6 months ago, it would be awkward just to see her again, let alone be around her entire family. I just dont know what to say about it. I seriously doubt I will go, but I just dont know what to make of it.
I haven't dated anyone since we broke up a year ago. I do still have feelings for her. Back about 6 months ago she asked me to lunch, then a few weeks later a mutual friend who set us up was in town, so we all hung out. She just looked so great and it brought back so many memories that I became depressed for a few months after words. I miss her so much. I finally decided that I need to drop this and move on with my life, as much as it hurt. The only time we spoke was if I texted her, and i felt like I was that ex boyfriend that would let go, so I quit. That is why I think its weird this all came up. For months and months she didnt bother to initiate contact, but was happy to talk if I texted her. Now she's inviting me to her parents house? It just seems strange and I dont want to fall into that trap again if I did go. You know, having all those feelings rush back and begin missing her all over again. Im glad she asked me, but how can she not think that wouldn't be totally awkward, knowing I had a rough time with the breakup, then just showing up with all her family after a year? I just dont know.
It seems like she genuinely wants you to go, as stated in the email asking you to go. But its your call, given your feelings for her.
Did you get the impression recently that she still has feelings for you?
I don't see the harm in going, as long as you gaurd yourself mentally to potential let down. You could go in hopes of the best as long as you would be OK if she has truly moved on.
Why not just ask her? I mean, at least then you would know because it sounds to me like you only want to go if there is a possibility of getting back together. But if there is no chance of it, that you would rather just get on with your life because seeing her is too difficult for you. I think anyone can understand that.....at least I can anyway. So, why not just come out with it and ask her....before the bbq. This way you know where she is comming from. If it's not the same place, I'm sure after hearing your explanation, she will understand why you want some distance. If the two of you are comming from the same place, then this will be a wonderful time to start moving forward and talking things out. I would rather get it out on the table instead of endlessly wondering about it. Like I said, at least this way you will know and you can move on, or move forward together. Good luck to you.
I agree, I think you should just be honest with her. Since seeing her again made you so down, there's really no point in putting yourself through that again. I personally think it's a really bad idea for exes to even try to "stay friends." I mean, let's be honest, most exes wouldn't be friends if they'd never slept together. One always still has feelings or some other agenda, and it keeps you both from moving on.
I think you should end contact with her, but NOT before you tell her everything you've just told us. That you still have feelings for her, but you don't feel you have the right to ask her for another chance since you mucked it up before, but trying to be "just friends' with her is too painful so you think you should break off contact until you're over her. Then you've told her exactly how you feel so there's no "well, what if, or if only she knew that," stuff. Then she'll know you still have feelings for her so the ball is in her court as to whether or not she still has feelings for you and wants to act on them.
It's like you guys are playing a game with each other and it needs to stop. Some honestly and some real communication are needed here.
I say, go. Flirt with her and see how she reacts. If it feels good ask her out. Not going just because you don't want to needlessly stir up old feelings sounds like you need to grow a pair. A man's got to do what a man's got to do. Learning to take rejection is part of life. You never know until you try.
Plus, if she didn't at least like you, she wouldn't have asked you to come.
yeah, I'm kinda down on going there to talk to her about it. I agree that she probably "cares". At least on some level anyway. But I'd rather not be rejected in the middle of one of HER family affairs. Tooooooooooooooooooo awkward! I would much rather know before going. If you are rejected then, well at least it wasn't in the middle of a fun filled day of family activities. On the flip side of that, I would rather be accepted in private too. I would feel kinda weird going in for that make-up kiss with daddy and his flaming hot tongs standing just around the corner. For me, it's a matter of respect. Dont do this on family bbq day. Do it in a more private atmosphere, for both of your sake. And as far as being a man and growing a pair and having to do what you got to do.........I disagree. You have a right to protect your feelings. You do not under any circumstances HAVE to go to this BBQ for any reason at all. Like I just said, you do have the right to be concerned with any sort of after math you may encounter.....be it good or bad. So if you really wanna know, and you think you might talk to her, do it in private. Good luck!
I think that either a person protects their feelings and therefore doesn't put themselves out there to get hurt or they go for it and risk rejection. Does he have to do it at the cookout, no, but if he is serious about seeing if he can get back together with her then he is going to have to take a risk with his feelings.
Thanks everyone for taking the time to offer your opinions. I really am at my wits end and don't know what to think. This was 3 weeks ago she sent the email to invite me. Granted we havent had much contact since but thats only because last time I texted her, I got this feeling like she didn't want to speak with me. So I've been giong back and forth in my head what to do. I was going to text her this weekend, but chickened out. All the sudden at 1030PM Saturday night, she texts me saying "are you guys comming to the cookout next weekend?" 1030 at night, it was really strange. I told her I'd do what my other friends would do and asked if she talked to them. I dont hear from her until 4pm the next day. She called my friends wife and then texted me saying they couldn't make it. So I text her back saying
"Theres a slight chance I'm going out of town this weekend, so dont want to say yes and not show up. Maybe the next one? Unless you don't mind me letting u know this week"
She says "Oh yea, no worries. You can even decide that day. We have one every month this summer so your good"
I texted her back something jokingly to get a conversation going and I get zero reply. Thats whats driving me nuts. A few weeks ago, she's texting me saying "havent talked in a while" and ended with "keep in touch. talk to you soon!" On top of that inviting me to this cookout.Now that I do try and keep in touch, it takes her over night to respond or she doesnt respond at all.
On one hand it seems like she does want me to go, by saying "yeah you can decide that day' or 'theres one every month this summer, youre good" but if she really did, wouldn't she at least return texts in a timely manner? I'm one to way over think stuff, and can't get it out of my head that maybe she's seeing someone and wants him to go. Hence the 10pm on a saturday night text out of nowhere asking if we were going. Like I said, i'm putting myself thru alot more thought and pain than I should, but this is driving me crazy. I actually thought a few weeks ago she cared and wanted to speak with me again.