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Old 05-10-2010, 07:42 AM   #1
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Update: What should i do with myself?

K people...I've posted a few blogs in the past several months in here. Well, I met my bf over the computer and he was from TN. He moved here and we planned to get a place together and have been here for 7 months. (parents house) The other night he told me he wants to move forward and progress in life, and he doesn't know if he wants to get a place with me and be with me since I am still looking for a job and sometimes we fight a lot. I said to him, well that sounds like you basically don't want to be with me. He called my cousin, which he is very good friends with b/c they work together. He picked him up and he spent the night there Thursday & Friday. He didn't talk to me all night Thursday when he left, and all day Friday and night. He left his myverizon account on my lap top on with the password saved. I looked on his recent calls and saw this number on there saying he talked to them for 40 minutes Thursday night. I called, and found out it was a girl that he met a few days ago on a job site that he was working at and he asked for her number. So he basically left Thursday, without basically saying anything like "yes we are done." I called him and asked about that girl and he said "I told you Michelle, we are done." But still, he got her number a few days BEFORE we got into this argument Thursday night, and then write when that happens he calls her??? My cousin and his wife who I am very good friends with is letting him stay there for a week until he finds his own place. He's been talking to this new girl every single day. My cousin told me they didn't hook up or hang out. I hang out with my cousin and his wife a lot, and he thinks it's weird if I go there and hang out because he's there. I told him, just because we broke up doesn't mean that I can't hang out with my family. He told me on the computer that he didn't want to hurt me, and he didn't know how to tell me how he was feeling. He said the past few weeks he has been going back and forth with feelings towards me, but he still wants to be my friend and in his life forever, but then he doesnt talk to me at all. He says that he needs space and I have yet to give him any. I haven't been talking to him at all..I went to my cousins house the other night to hang out with him and his wife like I always do. He's been there for 4 days already. He said he's not happy either and this isn't easy for him. I don't know if he's forcing himself not to talk to me and really wants to, or he doesn't miss me because he's talking to this girl now. Maybe he's testing himself to see if he misses me by talking to her. He told me don't call and harrass this girl because she did nothing wrong and its nothing serious with her yet... So I asked him, it sounds like you want to eventually be in a relationship with this girl.. He said, no, I don't even know her..I talked to her once, I know you, not her. I just don't know what to do. I can hardly eat, sleep, and I miss him so much. How can someone just get up and walk out of your life and stop talking to you so easily... It's like he doesn't even care. He wants to stay in NY and not move back to TN because he said he's good friends with my cousin, works with him, and has a good job here. He said he wants to find his own place in the same town. He doesn't even have a car, so even if he wanted to hang out with this girl it would be hard for him. He told me the other day on the computer to give him a week and we will talk. Well, my cousin's wife asked him yesterday if he thinks he will ever work it out with me. He said, he was going to talk to me soon. She said about what, and he said he didn't know what he was going to talk to me about. Can someone please help me? All I do is cry...I don't even want to hang out with other guys.... He is always on my mind, and I feel like it's going to get harder not easier. Please if you read this write back, because I need as much help as I can get. It is a weird situation now because whenever my cousin and his wife hang out, it's always at their apt. Now he is there, and he thinks I'm going there out of spite, and he doesn't understand why I want to be there if he's there. I know my cousin is stuck in the middle because he is good friends with him. I'm not mad at my cousin for staying friends with him. I went there the other night with all of my other cousins, and I fell asleep while everyone left. He woke me up and asked me if my cousin was bringing me home. I said, I don't know I'm sleeping. So he said to my cousin, this is so stupid, how come she wants to stay here if we're broken up... So I just said I would leave. I don't know what to do. My cousin's wife asked me to hang out with her tonite and if I wanted to go to the laundromat because she's pregnant and wants me to help her. So I will be going there tonite and he's going to be there. What should I do? He put on his facebook status: Life sucks, but I told myself to deal with it.

 
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Old 05-10-2010, 08:27 AM   #2
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Re: Update: What should i do with myself?

Sigh... he broke up with you, he's interested in someone else, period. Stop contacting him. If you hang out with your cousins, hang out with them away from their house and away from him. He is hardly even being ambiguous about his intentions and has flat out told you that he doesn't want to be with you and he doesn't want you coming around. Thoughts you're having like these are holding you back: " I don't know if he's forcing himself not to talk to me... Maybe he's testing himself to see if he misses me by talking to her." You say you don't know how someone can just walk away and it's just like he doesn't care, and that is true. He doesn't care. I don't know how people do it either, some people can just end a relationship and immediately move on. I can't, but some people can, and this guy can. I think you already know all this but you are hoping something will change because you don't want to face the pain. The sooner you face it and accept the truth, the better. He sounds like a selfish jerk who doesn't deserve you anyway.

 
Old 05-10-2010, 09:14 AM   #3
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Re: Update: What should i do with myself?

I think now he is your cousins problem. And I do mean problem. He couldnt find a place to live while with you so why does your cousin think he will find a place? He wont. He'll stay there and freeload and take advantage of him like he did with you and your parents.

Like I said, now he's your cousins problem.

He doesnt get to decide if you want to see your cousin and wife or not. Its your family, you can do as you please.

And if HE is uncomfortable with that, well then he can just go take a hike and live somewhere else.

Oh, but he has no car and no where else to go, hmmmm looks like he just dug quite a hole for himself. Gee I almost feel sorry for him..NOT!!

Seriously Ruby....he needs to grow up. Stop playing video games, get a job that pays well enough for him to get a car and place of his own, and stop acting like he deserves everyone to take care of him. My God, it sounds like he is 10 years old.

I hope you can see the silver lining in his break up with you. In fact its more than a silver lining, its pure gold. Be grateful... you'll see in time you are so much better off.

 
Old 05-10-2010, 09:32 AM   #4
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Re: Update: What should i do with myself?

Quote:
Originally Posted by digmusic View Post
Sigh... he broke up with you, he's interested in someone else, period. Stop contacting him. If you hang out with your cousins, hang out with them away from their house and away from him. He is hardly even being ambiguous about his intentions and has flat out told you that he doesn't want to be with you and he doesn't want you coming around. Thoughts you're having like these are holding you back: " I don't know if he's forcing himself not to talk to me... Maybe he's testing himself to see if he misses me by talking to her." You say you don't know how someone can just walk away and it's just like he doesn't care, and that is true. He doesn't care. I don't know how people do it either, some people can just end a relationship and immediately move on. I can't, but some people can, and this guy can. I think you already know all this but you are hoping something will change because you don't want to face the pain. The sooner you face it and accept the truth, the better. He sounds like a selfish jerk who doesn't deserve you anyway.
He met the girl the day before we broke up, so I don't think he's interested in her and that's why we broke up. He said he felt confused about our relationship for the past few weeks. Family comes first, and whenever my cousin and his wife hang out, it's always at their place. We always hang out, so I'm not going to not go there just b/c he's there. And my cousin's wife is pregnant, so he has to be out of there by next Monday because the baby is coming soon. He told my cousin last night that he was confused. Should I look at him tonight and say hi, or just completely ignore him?

 
Old 05-10-2010, 09:34 AM   #5
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Re: Update: What should i do with myself?

you can say hi, but don't let him back to live with you and your family
he made his bed......let him lie in it

 
Old 05-10-2010, 09:41 AM   #6
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Re: Update: What should i do with myself?

If you truly believed none of this "confusion" he has is about the other girl, you would not have mentioned her in your post. The phone calls followed up by his absence is about as blatant as it gets.

It always amazes me how people can post about a suspision/intuition, and then when we validated that by saying yeah...it looks awfully rotten and suspicious, they start defending the guy and start singing his praises to us.

We say it like it, like it is spelled out. Denial will only hurt more later.

 
Old 05-10-2010, 11:10 AM   #7
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Re: Update: What should i do with myself?

Quote:
Originally Posted by River rocks View Post
If you truly believed none of this "confusion" he has is about the other girl, you would not have mentioned her in your post. The phone calls followed up by his absence is about as blatant as it gets.

It always amazes me how people can post about a suspision/intuition, and then when we validated that by saying yeah...it looks awfully rotten and suspicious, they start defending the guy and start singing his praises to us.

We say it like it, like it is spelled out. Denial will only hurt more later.
I understand what you're saying. I'm not in denial and I totally agree with your opinion.

 
Old 05-10-2010, 11:11 AM   #8
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Re: Update: What should i do with myself?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubyred716 View Post
He didn't talk to you all Thursday and Friday.

Doesn't want you to be around him at cousin's house. (He doesn't want to see you)

He asked for her number. (this means he initiated the pursuit)

He said "I told you Michelle, we are done." (As far as he is concerned, the relationship is over, for right now at least)

He's been talking to this new girl every single day. (this means he is still currently pursuing her)

...he still wants to be my friend and in his life forever, but then he doesn't talk to me at all. (Actions speak louder than words; in your case, there are no words )

He says that he needs space and I have yet to give him any. (he wants some air and you're not complying to his wishes)
Look at these statements. To me, he's made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with you at the moment. That hurts, I know, but it's still the reality. I'm sorry that you are hurting.

He's told you that nothing serious had evolved yet... keyword being YET. That means he is still open to the possibility that later there could be something between them; they just haven't had enough time to get acquainted and decide yet. I realize he told you "no", but if there wasn't a mutual interest between them, then they wouldn't be talking every single day, now would they?? Plus since they are talking every day, they'll be knowing each other quite well soon.

Plus he lied to you, because he said they only talked once, why did he say it was only once? He's not being 100% honest with you about his intentions with this girl.

Sometimes when people don't want something to be true, they ignore all the evidence that point in that direction, and cling to the signs that support whatever it is that they want to believe. So sad, because in the end, this behavior ends up causing them additional pain.

Prayers and blessings to you.

 
Old 05-10-2010, 04:17 PM   #9
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Re: Update: What should i do with myself?

[QUOTE=River rocks;4242754]I think now he is your cousins problem. And I do mean problem. He couldnt find a place to live while with you so why does your cousin think he will find a place? He wont. He'll stay there and freeload and take advantage of him like he did with you and your parents.



This pretty much sums it up! I remember your last post. This guy just sucks. He doesn't want to go back to where he came from because he probably has outstayed his welcome with too many people. Right now, he's trying to find somebody else to live off of but if it doesn't work, he will go back to you. What a schmuck!

My advice, get a big chip on your shoulder and fast! Dont go near this guy! Stay away and say nothing. Dont go back to him. He is not the type of guy who will ever be of any support or help. He only knows how to use and abuse....no matter how fantastic you are, he will never change. I just got rid of one just like him! Only I'm pregnant. YOU DONT WANT THAT! He told me to get rid of it. Between that, the constant verbal abuse, and him trying to isolate me from my loved ones.....I finally said good riddance. But now there is a new life comming into this world, who will also carry the wounds of this piece of garbage. Dont be like me. STAY AWAY! He will come back as mr. wonderful. Mark my words. But it's only a game. Hang in there!
Melissa

 
Old 05-10-2010, 04:39 PM   #10
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Re: Update: What should i do with myself?

I think you should call your cousin's wife and tell her you'll meet her at the laundramat but not come over to her house and make sure to tell her why - that your ex has made it VERY clear he doesn't want you over there, so as long as they are letting him live there, you won't be able to see them at their place because you are trying to get over the break up and respect his wishes and give him space and not be around him like he has asked you to. Your cousin hasn't said "hey, whatever's going on between the two of you, she's still family and she's welcome here, you don't have the right to bar her from OUR house" and until and unless your cousin DOES say that, then it's pretty clear they are on board with the ex's wants and you are no longer welcome at their house.

I think it's really crappy that your cousin chose him above his own flesh and blood, but you have to accept that your ex has claimed them and their place, and you are no longer welcome there, so don't go over there anymore. Get on with your life, spend time with other friends or family, get out and meet new people, get involved in a hobby or a new interest, and put some distance between you and your ex and your cousin and give yourself some time to heal.

And STOP asking yourself all those dead end questions, "why would he call her BEFORE we broke up....why would he say he only talked to her once when .....why would he...why did he...why didn't he...." just nip it in the bud and stop it. Don't allow yourself to think of those questions, don't let them in your head. They don't have answers that will make any difference or make you feel any better anyway. He's gone, he's claimed your cousin, so you have to get busy with the business of getting past it. Good luck.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 05-10-2010 at 04:40 PM.

 
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