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Old 05-14-2010, 04:50 PM   #1
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No contact day 10 - losing hope

Well I'm on day 10 of no contact and have little hope that he's going to suddenly decide he misses me and contact me after this much time. I wrote before that it's a LD relationship which is fizzling on his part, I was doing all the initiating of calls/texts/etc., but when we talked he'd still be all loving. During our last phone convo 2 weeks ago he said I was "perfect for him" blahblahblah...why would he say that stuff?? I understand being nice to avoid a big breakup or fight, etc. but he went pretty overboard with the stuff he was saying to me, which is why I kept initiating. I know I know actions speak louder than words, but his words were pretty damn good and addicting...this SUCKS. Will he contact me? Thoughts?

 
Old 05-14-2010, 05:21 PM   #2
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

I don't think anyone here can tell you whether he will or won't contact you. But the fact that he has not already in 10 days speaks volumes about his true feelings for you. Unless he is in the hospital gravely ill, there is zero excuse for him why he couldn't pick up the phone before now and talk to you. The fact that you are always the one who has to call is yet another sign of his true feelings.

I don't know why he lays it on so thick when you guys talk on the phone all those times you called him. But I can tell you that talk is cheap and just because he says things you want to hear doesn't make it true. Pay more attention to actions because at this point he has done nothing but talk a good game. Where's the proof in his words? As far as I can tell none exists. So you're better off writing him off and if he ever does try to contact you, the smart thing to do would be to cut him loose. Even if he does call you once, what's going to change? You'll still end up doing all the work with calling all the time and he will just sit there like the bump on a log that he is.

I wouldn't bother waiting for him. He sounds like he's too passive anyway and to me that's really boringf.

 
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Old 05-14-2010, 05:22 PM   #3
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

Honestly, if you ever figure it out, let us all know. I think we have all had relationships that left us shaking our heads.

The only thing I can figure is that even he wants to keep you just a little bit on the hook. Maybe he's hedging his bet so that if in another 2 or 3 weeks he suddenly decides he is missing you, he can safely tell you he was just needing some distance. (Remember, I told you how much I loved you and how perfect you were for me!!)

 
Old 05-14-2010, 06:58 PM   #4
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

Halfmoon...my ex woke me up in the middle of the night just to say "I love you Baby"...a couple days before he broke up with me for the girl he'd been cheating on me with. Who knows why these guys do these things? And who cares? We don't want to be with someone who jerks us around like that, do we?

I suggest you move on. I did, and now I'm doing fantastic and I'm seeing someone...it's very casual and I'm just having fun with it, but there's the operative words...having fun. Not stressing over whether or not he's going to be nice to me, or call me, or whatever. You sound like you could use some fun too. Go have some!
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Old 05-15-2010, 09:43 AM   #5
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

I use to freak out about my bf not contacting me all day until like 9pm @ night. At some point we had a big conversation about it and he told me that I should only ever get worried if he doesn't speak to me in a 24hour period. No contact for 10 days is not good, I would say drop it, this is only hurting you and you shouldn't get yourself attached to someone like that. It may hurt but in the long run it's better to hurt now and get over it faster.

good luck!

 
Old 05-15-2010, 11:42 AM   #6
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

Yes, unless he's physically incapacitated somehow, there's only one reason why he hasn't called you in 10 days...he doesn't want to. Men like to do what they want, to do what makes them happy, what makes them comfortable and feel good. If talking to you did that for him, he'd call you every day.

He doesn't want to do the big dramatic, tear-filled break up conversation. He's hoping you'll "get the message" and just dissappear into the woodwork and just go away. My ex told me he was proud to be with me and honored, and so glad he found me one week before he dumped me. He simply said "I don't want to do this anymore." I'd heard that before and he always said he didn't mean it so I said I know what I feel, I'm not going anywhere, you think about it, call me tomorrow and let me know what you want to do. He didn't. I called him, he didn't answer. I left a message saying don't leave me hanging, tell me what you want to do. He called me the next day and said "when I did'n't call you back I thought you'd have gotten the message." This from a guy I had gone ring shopping with, discussed what part of town we'd live in and what we'd name our kids.

If he doesn't feel the need to talk to you in 10 days, even just to call you and say "why haven't you called me?" then he's just not that into you. Time to start moving on.

 
Old 05-15-2010, 04:38 PM   #7
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

I agree. To go out on a limb, and say that he's physically incapacitated, he still could've reached out, via someone else. A man who cares would've bent over backwards to make sure someone told you about his condition. Maybe his vocal cords are damaged? Nope, even in that case he'd have his coordination skills, so he could still write. He simply doesn't want to talk.

LDRs are hard to maintain especially ones for extended periods of time. If I were single, I know for certain that I'd never get in one again.

Even if you broke your silence and ask why he hasn't contacted you, that'd be pointless. All he'll do is give you a bunch of mumbo jumbo, like "I've been busy, blah blah". I agree with the others that you should go on with your life as if he never existed. If he calls, then you can return the same respect that he's given you and not answer.

I also agree with LLMom about him avoiding a breakup conversation. Unfortunately, alot of men don't have the balls to tell a woman straight-up what's going on. He's left you in the dirt and just doesn't have the guts to tell you. IMO, you're way better off without this cheeseball. In a while, you'll realize this too.

 
Old 05-15-2010, 05:06 PM   #8
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

But I'm willing to bet if you don't contact him, you'll never hear from him again. This is straight out of the book He's Just Not That Into You. A woman the author interviewed said she was dating a guy and feeling she was doing all the work, all the calling, initiating contact, etc. so she tried an experiment and just stopped calling him. She never heard from him again. If he's not thinking of you when you're not right in front of his face enough to call you, then he won't miss you when you're gone, and you can stop wasting your time with him.

 
Old 05-18-2010, 06:14 PM   #9
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

Thanks all for your comments. I broke down and texted him today, on day 14 of no contact. I know I shouldn't have. I was just weak and couldn't stop myself anymore. It was more just for me, to give myself some relief...I know it's very unlikely that it'll make him more "into me," probably quite the opposite, but it somehow gave me some peace. He acted like he always does...called me his "girlfriend," said he missed me so much, was asking when I'd visit, etc. Although when I mentioned there was a chance I could visit he said "that's awesome!" but didn't pursue it, ask when, etc. But somehow I'm seeing it more for what it is now, and feel like I might be able to let go a bit more easily. I'm not expecting anything from him anymore. Who knows maybe I'll break down and text him again in another two weeks, but I'm seeing my actions now as for me not for him.

 
Old 05-18-2010, 07:16 PM   #10
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfmoon View Post
Thanks all for your comments. I broke down and texted him today, on day 14 of no contact. I know I shouldn't have. I was just weak and couldn't stop myself anymore. It was more just for me, to give myself some relief...I know it's very unlikely that it'll make him more "into me," probably quite the opposite, but it somehow gave me some peace. He acted like he always does...called me his "girlfriend," said he missed me so much, was asking when I'd visit, etc. Although when I mentioned there was a chance I could visit he said "that's awesome!" but didn't pursue it, ask when, etc. But somehow I'm seeing it more for what it is now, and feel like I might be able to let go a bit more easily. I'm not expecting anything from him anymore. Who knows maybe I'll break down and text him again in another two weeks, but I'm seeing my actions now as for me not for him.
Well, I guess it's ok to wean youself off him slowly, just as long as you do it. I'm glad it's obvious to you now that' he's just not that into you and only thinks of you when you're right there under his nose and he has no choice. But yeah, 14 days and no contact at all, and you have to get under his nose to get him to remember who you are? If that's how he treats his "girlfriend," I'd hate to see how he treats a chick he's just keeping around for fun.

 
Old 05-19-2010, 08:36 AM   #11
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

I went through this once. Believe me, NEVER AGAIN! I will not call a man just because he's not calling me. This man may be seeing another woman, may be contacting others online, who knows what is keeping him busy! He could be telling 10 women the same thing!

If a man wants to see you, he will move heaven and earth to make it happen. He will NOT make you have to call him. If you contact him first, you will never ever know if he really wanted to see you or was just reacting to you. He can say all the words you want to hear (and it sounds like he's good at it) but he's not putting forth the actions behind the words. If he wanted you, he would get ahold of you. Don't fall for it!!! It's false emotion from him.

 
Old 05-19-2010, 09:47 AM   #12
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

Hang in there, halfmoon.
No one blames you for the text. But don't make it a habit. I can understand the one text, just to relieve the anxiety. But you pretty much got your answer when you mentioned you might be able to see him and he did not ask when or anything.
I'd let this go. Let it fade out. Find new life and fun and date someone new (not long distance). I think you will be so much happier, once the spell is broken and you have moved on.

We've all been there, Halfmoon. Its these things that we learn from and grow from.

 
Old 05-19-2010, 10:13 AM   #13
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

Don't feel too bad about texting him. I think it's normal to break down and just do it just cause you want to know what the eff is going on. But as has already been mentioned, don't make it a habit.

If you do find yourself texting him again and he does reply the same way he did just now, what you really need to do is tell him to cut the crap and let him know you're not buying it anymore. Tell him you're done waiting around for him and all the sweet talk in the world won't change his mind. You really don't need a tool like him in your life.

Hopefully you will agree at this point that he is a lost cause.

 
Old 05-19-2010, 10:25 AM   #14
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Re: No contact day 10 - losing hope

Don't feel too bad about texting him. I think it's normal to break down and just do it just cause you want to know what the eff is going on. But as has already been mentioned, don't make it a habit.

If you do find yourself texting him again and he does reply the same way he did just now, what you really need to do is tell him to cut the crap and let him know you're not buying it anymore. Tell him you're done waiting around for him and all the sweet talk in the world won't change his mind. You really don't need a tool like him in your life.

Hopefully you will agree at this point that he is a lost cause.

 
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