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homesickgirl 05-16-2010 07:53 PM

New to boards no where else to turn
 
Hi,
I'm a 35 year old female, married for almost 12 years with 3 wonderful little girls. I am severely depressed. I married my husband right after college graduation, worked a few jobs until I got pregnant, then had severe post partum depression after my first baby. I went back to work when she was 5 months old and worked until my second daughter was born in 2002. That is when I decided to stay home and be a mom only for awhile. My husband lost his job 4 months after my 2nd daughter was born, and we had to file bankruptcy. He finally found a job 4 months later in March of 2003, and we moved about 5 hours from all the family and friends I had ever known. I cried myself to sleep for at least 3 months. Since then, we have moved 6 times.

My kids have been to 3 different schools and will start a 4th different school in the Fall. My husband was an abused child and is a recovering alcoholic (16 years sober as of 2010), so he has his own issues. He hates what he does, but because he has been in the same field for 20 years, he can't find anything else that would support all of us. I babysit fulltime to help, but can't work outside the home because I can't afford child care for 3 kids. I hate my life.



I started taking Paxil in 1999 after my first daughter was born and just weaned myself off over the past few months. I was numb to feeling, not to mention the sexual side effects, so I wanted off. Now I wish I knew how to not be sad all day everyday. I have no friends because we move so much. My husband is a very selfish man, thinks about himself way before thinking of me or the kids, and he can be verbally and emotionally abusive. He hates my mom (my dad passed away in 2004, they got along) and basically hates that I have a relationship with her at all. I am at my wits end. I want to go back to school since I haven't worked outside the home in 8 years but my husand is going back AGAIN - he has 2 degrees for the job he is in now and HATES, so I can't afford to go back.

He tells me that if he can't go back to school (which will cost of 92,000 dollars by the way) that he will kill himself. That is what I live with. I am not allowed to sleep in bed with him because I snore, and although I have lost weight (14 lbs in 2 months) and my snoring has seemed to cease according to him, I am still not allowed to sleep in bed with him on week nights in case I might keep him up. I have to get up almost as early as him, but that doesn't seem to matter. All that matters is his sleep. So with no friends or family, no job, a husband who treats me like crap, I don't know where to turn or what to do. I thought about leaving him several times, but I don't have any money, a job, or a place to live. I am hopeless.

mykinzie10 05-16-2010 09:46 PM

Re: New to boards no where else to turn
 
Hi there. I am not a dr. But, first of all, there are many different kinds of anti-deprežsants these days, so if I were you, I'd see a dr, explain your symptoms, tell him what you're afraid of because of your past experiences with anti-depressant, and try a new one. There are so very many options these days and you do sound very overwhelmed. You have a lot of issues to deal with and how can you begin to deal with them if you're so depressed to begin with?? You deserve better. You girls deserve better. And I'm not so sure about your husband (sorry). I do know that anti-depressants have saved my life before. All I can really be sure of is sharing my own experience with you. If your able to join a free class offered at your local community college, there's an option where you'll be learning something new. Making new friends, and getting out of your house. Do keep us posted on here. Even if your not sure you're posting in the right spot, its ok. Post away. Your own safety and mental health is way more important. This is a great place to share and even just read so that when you're feeling alone and/or overwhelmed, you'll notice that there are many others with similar problems, if not worse and more. I appreciated your story. You just helped me to feel not so alone. I do hope I've helped somewhat, and I'm sure you'll get some more positive suggestions and find people that really do care for you, like I have. Mykinzie aka Marla.

justmel30 05-17-2010 05:44 PM

Re: New to boards no where else to turn
 
First of all, I'm not going to address his issues. Although I think they are great and many! But I will say that I wouldnt give up on going to school, but I certainly wouldn't do it for him. I think I would do it for you. And maybe a complete education is slightly out of reach at this momen, but there are things that go much quicker that can get you in the door, and in the meantime, you can take a class or two online, and possibly get financial assistance to see you through. For instance, I dont know where you live, but in the state of Michigan, to get your Nursing Assistant License, it's only 3 to 4 week course, depending on where you go, and it costs about 1,000. Phlebotomy, you can find expadited courses and again, in just a few weeks, and $1,000 later, your certified. I would definately go medical because then you can get insurance. With that, you could get an apartment back home, by your family and friends, and maybe rent a small apartment to take care of yourself and your girls. Not only that, but you would get child support from him. Possibly even day care assistance from your loved ones? Sooooooo, it isn't as bleak as it looks. Where there is a will, there is a way, I absolutely believe that. And I think you can do it. You just have to stop looking at how dead end everything seems, and find a way. Maybe it means living on macaroni and cheese for 2 months to save food from the grocery bill. Maybe it means watering down the shampoo so that it goes farther, and shopping second hand for a little while to put the money away, but it is possible. So find your inner strength and go to it! Best of luck to you!
Melissa


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