To make a very long story short, I have a girlfriend who recently became engaged. Her and her fiance have been together for 3 years, and are very much in love. Well, before her, he had a girlfriend for a year, and they became engaged. He found out, two weeks before the wedding, that she was cheating on him......with not just one other man. Yeah, we dont like this girl. Anyway, he had spent A LOT of monty on a HUGE diamond ring for her. Well, in recent years, our economy isn't doing as well as it was back then, and money is a little more tight. So he used the same ring to propose to my girlfriend. She found out it was origionaly meant for somebody else at a family dinner when her fiance's sister let the cat out of the bag. She has taken it off and has insisted on a new ring. I have tried to reason with her.....but she is hopping mad. Now, this isn't relationship threatening or anything like that....l.they are still very engaged, it's just that she refuses to wear that ring. Is this wrong?
Personally, my own opinion, times arent easy right now, and it is a beautiful ring. I kinda feel like it was the other girls loss rather then a sloppy seconds sort of a thing. But that's just me. Anyway, I'm running out of ways to try to convince her to put her ring back on. Should I drop it? Am I wrong? lol. Thanks for any advice.
Whether he can trade it in depends upon how he bought it in the first place. Most jewelry stores will let you trade up if you made the original purchase there, but if you bought it elsewhere (like off the internet) and take it to them, it will be like trading in a car. He won't get even 50% of what he paid to credit to the next ring. That said, if she's willing to stay within a specific budget, she should have her own ring since she wants it. But I think it's fair for them to go, get the first ring evaluated a couple of places, find out how much they will get, how much he can spend, and go from there.
I find it interesting that someone let this "slip". Women are special, aren't they.
Well, I don't want to be too hard on the sister. If she hadn't told your friend, then your friend would be walking around with another woman's ring and being clueless about it. What if your friend should run into that cheating ex fiance someday? "Oh, he gave you my ring!! Isn't it beautiful! I loved that ring, I'm glad someone got to wear it!" That would not be fun for your friend. Perhaps his sister just thought she had the right to know, or maybe she just didn't think it was that big a deal and didn't know she was supposed to protect her brother's lie of omission.
Your friend's fiance should have known better than to try to pass another woman's ring off on your friend. I agree, they need to get it appraised at a few different places, trade it in or sell it and buy a new one with the money, or have the stone taken out and the band melted down and designed into a new setting. This needs to be her ring, not some second hand thing that ws meant for another women. Some men can be so clueless as to how important this kind of stuff can be to some women.
See, I guess I'm just different. I feel like he was being economical. He's a pretty practical guy, and doesn't really want to get into debt or anything like that. To me, the whole engagement ring is more like a gift.......and it's the thought that counts right? Well, tell me that none of you have never regifted something before because you couldnt affoard to buy something? Or that you have never had anything given to you that wasn't really "your type", but you knew it would come in handy eventually so you hung on to it and regifted it later. I dont think he was being tacky either, it would have been tacky if he had announced it and been all like, " yeah, me and my ex didnt work out and I had this lying around and though you might like it." No, he didn't even tell her. I feel more like he was proud of the purchase of that ring, and in the end, he was proud to give it to her.
I've gotten gifts that I've re-gifted - from acquaintances and coworkers who I didn't matter all that much to, and I've re-gifted those gifts right back to other acquaintances, coworkers, etc., peripheral people I didn't care all that much about, but have to be polite to. The people I really love, though, the people who mean the most to me, I've driven an hour out of my way, gone to different towns, called and gone to hundreds and hundreds of stores to get them just the perfect gift that will mean something really special to them personally. There are the "gifts for $20 or less" table at JCPenny people, and then there are "this is how well I know you and how much you mean to me" people. A fiance should be the second kind.
No one says he has to go into debt. He can trade the ring in, he can sell it and use the money for a new ring, he can have the stones re-set, etc. But he should love his fiance enough to care about getting her a ring that is HERS, that looks like her, feels like her, that reflects her taste, that reflects how he feels about HER, not some ring he bought for some other woman to wear, some other woman he was ready to ask to be his wife, and happened to have lying around, so oh, here, this'll do. No, no no no no. I don't think he kept it a secret because he was proud. I think he kept it a secret because he was just lazy and didn't want to put in the time and effort to get her a really special ring that would mean something to her, and knew she would be mad if she knew it was really another woman's ring and din't want to deal with the bitching.
Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 05-22-2010 at 01:16 PM.
It is beyond tacky to give a new girl an engagement ring meant for someone else. Regardless of the current state of the economy, that's a lame excuse. No way would that ever fly with 99% of women!
He needs to suck it up and either sell it so he can buy her a new one or else eat the cost of the old one and buy a new one. No way he should have even considered giving her that ring! Is he insane? No way. That's just wrong on so many levels!
I can see both sides to this argument. Yes, the economy is in a bad state and I know engagement rings aren't cheap, but honestly, this is suppose to symbolize something special and this ring is just simply tainted. If it really means that much to him and he can't afford a new right at this moment, well, that can be understood, but he should be upfront about it, this is simply not a good way to start a new marriage. I think it would've been much more touching if he proposed with a ring pop than his ex's engagement ring, lol.
I don't see "lazy", I see "financially challenged". But nonetheless, I would not be at all happy with my fiance giving me an engagement ring he bought for someone else to wear. There are so many other options. My guess is that he didn't realize there were options out there (yes, men have no idea at all about many, many things that some women find important).
I'd suggest that YOU (mel) suggest that he take the ring and either use the stones for a new setting, or see if he can trade it in toward another ring. I bet she's not so much concerned about the cost of the ring but rather its specialness.
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
Let's just not get too economical and give the guy any bad ideas to the opposite extreme just to keep him from going into debt.
We don't want him to give his fiance a:
1. A used string of dental floss for her finger! Well it was going to get thrown in the trash.. right!?
2. A new ring straight out of a Cracker Jack box.
3. A ring around the collar from his own personal collection!!!
LMAO! Nice Hoop.......very nice. I suppose at the end of the day, he will do one of the previous mentioned things. Not to mention that NONE of this is even really any of my business. I just hate seeing my friend act like a spoiled brat. However, it seems that the vote is UNANIMOUS!!!! lol. So I will back off and leave it be. I would like to add, he is going to by her a new ring....I'm certain of that. He hasnt put up any fight in the matter and I'm sure he feels pretty bad. As far as saying that it's a bad way to start off a marraige......something tells me it will be a good laugh down the road. Thankyou for your opinions!