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Old 05-24-2010, 10:16 AM   #1
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John5500 HB User
Can I be friends with a girl I like when there's a new girl on the scene?..

Hi all

It’s been a while since I posted here, but nothing much changes with me and my ability to fall in love and get my heart broken at the drop of a hat!

Through a local advertising website I befriended a Polish girl who was looking for a place to live (since I am looking for a new flat mate). We got chatting and decided we’d meet for a drink. Our personalities clicked and we were exchanging text messages within a few hours of basic introductions – we were friendly and very flirty.

I started to worry that one of us would be disappointed by the gap between expectation and reality when we met a few days later. I told her I was worried she might not like me as much in person as she liked my personality, but she assured me she goes more for personality than looks. Cut to last Friday and we went for a drink.

The upshot is she doesn’t want anything to develop between us romantically And the main reason I am sad is because I haven’t got along with a girl like that in such a long time – if ever. We have so many quirks in common and she’s incredibly cute, as well as being on my wavelength when it comes to flirting.

She wasn’t the best looking girl I’ve ever been involved with, but – to begin with – I really could see us going on some more dates. I realised half way through the evening, however, that she had been carefully disguising her disinterest. At the end of the night, she made it sound like we’d see each other again but I realised the prognosis wasn’t good.

I don’t believe in game playing so I just went for it and asked her directly the next evening, by text message (since this is how we’d been communicating), if she’d like to go for a meal and a film the next week. She eventually replied and said “you’re a really, really, really sweet guy, but I don’t think things between you and me could go anywhere”.

I was crestfallen but I did what I always do and picked myself up off the ground and got on with things. So I went for a run and a swim in the river (a rarity in the UK!). On the way back home I bumped into a French girl I see on my way to and from work. This girl caught my eye last year but I’ve only ever had the courage to say hi and make small talk.

When I bumped into her yesterday, however, I figured I should just go for it – the adrenaline was pumping from my run! It seemed like fate that I met her. We had a little chat and I asked her if she’d like to go for a drink with me and she gave me a genuine smile and said she’d like to. She took my number and gave me a missed call.

So I ran home on cloud nine again! But then, by the end of the night, I found myself wondering what was going on with the Polish girl. We both love guinea pigs and I’d taken a photo of my dad’s guinea pigs when I was over there for a family barbecue. I couldn’t resist in the end and I sent her a picture message to show them to her, since we had discussed them quite a lot.

She replied a while later to say thank you for sending the photo and asked how my day had gone. I told her about the situation with the French girl, saying I believed it was fate. I wasn’t trying to elicit a reaction from her. We went on to compare sunburn stories and she said it was a shame she didn’t have somebody to rub after sun on her shoulders.

I got the impression she was a bit miffed that I’d got myself a date on the same day she blew me out, as though she expected me to be moping around over her

I miss the Polish girl. Texting her last week was full of so much promise – mostly that I had found somebody who I get along with first and foremost as a friend. I’ve got plenty of friends, and I’m sure she has too. But I was hoping that even if we weren’t a match romantically, we could do things together.

She said she maybe we could meet for a drink “sometime” but it felt like one of those things people say to soften the blow. I haven’t texted her today, and I doubt she will text me. But I am considering contacting her in a few days, even if it’s just to say hello. I want to tell her I miss hearing from her but I know that’s a no no

I’m scared that I’ll find myself comparing the French girl to the Polish girl and she won’t match up to her in terms of compatibility for me – and cuteness! I’m also now worried that the only reason I asked her out is because I subconsciously recognised it as an opportunity to get the attention of the Polish girl.

The questions: Do you guys think the Polish girl would still want to be my friend now she knows she doesn’t find me attractive? And is it a good idea for me to be her friend anyway? I hate it when the physical side of things gets between a blossoming relationship and you have to lose everything because of it

 
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Old 05-24-2010, 12:10 PM   #2
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digmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB User
Re: Can I be friends with a girl I like when there's a new girl on the scene?..

I think you need to calm down and stop analyzing everything so soon. There's hardly a new girl "on the scene," you talked to her once! And you have been texting the Polish girl for just a week! You don't need to be so worried about comparing them or this and that and what if this happens. Try to relax and see what happens. If you can truly be friends with the Polish girl, you'd have to be able to, say, go out with her and both of your dates and be cool with that. Something tells me that wouldn't go over well with you. Whenever people say they like someone but also wouldn't mind just being friends, well, they're usually lying. Give the French girl a chance and don't worry that you don't find her as attractive as the Polish girl. It's just one date!

Last edited by digmusic; 05-24-2010 at 12:12 PM.

 
Old 05-24-2010, 01:04 PM   #3
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Re: Can I be friends with a girl I like when there's a new girl on the scene?..

I'm going to agree with the previous post, this seems a little pre-mature, you're sounding as if you've somehow realized this girl was the love of your life or something like that, you met this Polish girl once and texted her the rest of the time, texting someone is not the whole experience of who they are, it's a very on sided thing. You have a date with another girl, go on the date and enjoy yourself, don't worry about it.

 
Old 05-24-2010, 02:36 PM   #4
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Re: Can I be friends with a girl I like when there's a new girl on the scene?..

My advice would be to not base too much on text messages. Face to face should be your main guide. People can do all the flirting in the world while texting but come face to face they can be a completely different person. And from what I could tell, you've actually only met her once and she turned you down. Stick with that. If she doesn't find you attractive in person there is no point in pursuing a relationship through texting.

 
Old 05-24-2010, 04:17 PM   #5
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Re: Can I be friends with a girl I like when there's a new girl on the scene?..

Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyBoateng View Post
[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]

I’m scared that I’ll find myself comparing the French girl to the Polish girl and she won’t match up to her in terms of compatibility for me – and cuteness! I’m also now worried that the only reason I asked her out is because I subconsciously recognised it as an opportunity to get the attention of the Polish girl.

FONT]
I dont think it was subconscious.......It was pretty blatent.

As for the rest of your questions, put them out of your head. Polish girl isn't interested. I would just leave it alone. I'm curious how you come off in person myself. I have a feeling it's possibly a little desperate. Maybe you could try going out with people a time or two before you bring up being in a relationship or what have you. Also, you might want to try to have a little more self confidence and not say something about not looking as good as your personality or anything like that. Sometimes, looks have nothing to do with it when the guy is funny, smart, and carries himself the right way. Just a thought anyway. Good luck!
Melissa

 
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