Ok, me and my boyfriend live together and we are looking for our own place now, b/c we currently live at my parents house. He's 24 and I'm 23. I have a cousin who is my age, and we are close. I am close with all of my cousins and family, and we always have a lot of family get togethers. My cousin and my boyfriend know each other, and we all have hung out before. Well, he had his verizon phone account website opened up on my lap top, so I decided to just look and take a glance at his text messages. It shows the numbers that he texts, and texts that he receives. Well, I saw 4 different times that he texted my cousin first, and they talked back and forth a number of times. One was like 15 minutes, another was a half hour, then the other night at like midnight for 15 min. before he went to sleep, and yesterday morning when he woke up. I said something to my cousin about it but I was lying. I said, 'Oh so you and Justin were talking a lot the other night, were you talking about how bad I smell? I made a joke so she wouldnt think I was questioning why they were talking. Well, she went back to my boyfriend and said I was like freaking out cuz they talked. That bothered me, because I did not freak out, and it's like she went behind my back and said that about me to my boyfriend. She can be a little flirty at times, but I don't think she would do anything with him, or flirt with him using like sexual words or anything. He is the one who initiates the texts first, but she said that he texted her and was telling her how much bad luck he has playing bingo. Sometimes we all go play bingo together. But also, I've been checking his phone the past few days when he goes in the shower or something, and all of my cousin's texts are deleted! He deletes their texts, but not anyone elses. I asked him yesterday morning, " why do you text catherine alot ?" He said to me Im weird for saying that, I should trust her that nothing is going on, and he doesnt think its a big deal that they talk ... What do you guys think about it?
Ok, your gut's telling you something is going on. And when everybody is asked about it, there are lies.....or at least misrepresentations of how the scenario went on your cousin's behalf, and your boyfriend tells you the problem is in your head. I think you really need to trust your intuition here and stop snooping. You allready know, your just looking for physical evidnece, and it's beneath you. Is he cheating, not yet. Would he? Signs point to yes. Do you want to be with somebody like that? Only you can answer that. Good luck!
yea well i know they text each other and hes always the initiator, i just dont know what they are saying which pisses me off.. the fact that they are talking like this bothers me, but not knowing what they are saying bothers me even more.. they talked for 2 1/2 hours straight yesterday.. its weird!! idk what to do like how to see what they are saying cuz he deletes the texts.. my cousins brother knows about it and i told him to try and get her phone and look to see if anything flirty or sexual talk is going on and he said he will try and look for me.. ill see what happens from there.
when are you gonna get rid of this clown?
he doesn't respect you.....
let him go live with your cousin and you're done with him......
this guy doesn't complement your life, he complicates it.
I dont understand why your putting yourself down to this level. Spying and lying.....it makes a girl look desperate. Why does it matter what they are saying? He probably isn't talking about sex or anything, not considering this is a new and recent developement between your cousin and him. But he's probably talking about things that you would like him to share with you first, for instance, how his day was, how hers was, and I'll bet its a little flirty. Point is, he shouldnt be doing it at all if it bothers you. It's not HIS cousin....so they are seriously disrespection YOUR personal limits. I wouldn't be ok with that. And then they are blaming you for it. RED FLAG! WARNING! DANGER! Get it? It's not good, and you know it. So why not just deal with it?
OMG! I just realized your the same one who's boyfriend has a man crush on your other cousin, who doesn't save money, uses you, broke up with you for yet another girl, moved out, and who is no apparently back! Read the warning signs here! He is no good, and he's using you and getting away with it. I dont know whats worse, that he keeps doing this, or that your allowing your parents to whitness it day after day after day. I cant believe they still let him stay there. What proof do you need here? Honestly!
I'm confused, Ruby- last time you posted you were through with him. He was starting to see someone else..moving in with your cousin..you pretty much broke up?
Yes this seems a little odd but i wouldn't get mad at your cousin though. If he is the one initiating all of the text messages then it's all on him. He shouldn't be texting her or any other girl though. You should put your family first and if you and your cousin are close then i would trust her and have faith that she is telling you the truth.
Ok everyone.. we went on a break for a week and he wanted to try and work it out.. A week later which was a week ago, I saw in his phone that he texted that girl again saying "it was fate that we met, hopefully we can build a strong relationship, the next 3 months are gunna be hard but we will see what happens and itll take time" .. i got so upset started crying, then he started crying..balling his eyes out saying none of that meant anything, she was the one who contacted him first, and that me and him had an argument that night and he felt like flirting with her but none of that stuff meant anything and the girl didnt even write back to it.. he deleted the texts and doesnt have her number stored in there anymore.. i said to him that is not flirting, flirting is saying hey whats up sexy, not, meeting you was fate...i said it sounds like u have something planned with this girl and he said omg no no while crying, and i said well what does 3 months mean, ur gunna stay here and use me througout the summer and go be with her in september? and he said no i dont even remember what i specifically said to her, it was all just a bunch of nothing... he said i love you and am inlove with you and would never ever do that to you ...im not going to leave you for her.. we were both crying so bad he almost threw up.... he said im all he has and he doesnt wanna be a lone..but i feel like if that girl said oh come live with me, then he wouldnt care about me cuz he would have another place to go.. i didnt know wat to do..this is such a bad place for me too cuz im stuck in the middle..that nite he was like i need to know do u still love me cuz if no im out of here and of course i still love him! i will always love him, but right now he expects me to trust him and to be over everything that has happened and i am not 100% comfortable yet.. i told him that was his last straw, and if i find out he is talking to her again, his **** is out in the street and he can fend for himself where he wants to go.
o and also, i messaged the girl and she said she barely talks to him but they were friendly, but she made it clear to him that she only wants to be friends b/c me and him are b/f and g/f.. she said she has nothing going on with him...that same night when i saw those texts, i went on his screename and IMed her, and she said whos this ? .. so she was lying.. she knows his screename cuz they talked on it, so i dont know if they have some sort of secret code or something..but then she says that to me in a facebook message saying they have nothing going on.. now its like he hopped to my cousin and is talking to her, cuz he doesnt talk to that other girl anymore..
okay, this is a very HORRIBLE situation, and I'm sorry, but you need to get out of it FAST!, run as far as possible, kick him out and move on, this is not good for you and honestly you're letting him continue to do this to you. He's a loser and he doesn't even have a place live, he's clearly using you and now he's even having some type of close relationship with your cousin? get out fast and let him fend for himself.
he texted that girl again saying "it was fate that we met, hopefully we can build a strong relationship, the next 3 months are gunna be hard but we will see what happens and itll take time" ...
OK, seriously, Ruby....you can go through years of turmoil with this guy who is yanking your chain or you can cut him loose and regain your sanity. How and why on earth do you have the patience and tolerance for him and his ways?
Do you realize that when he cried himself sick in front of you it was a childish act of manipulation so that you would feel sorry for him?
Of course he says all that stuff about "she means nothing"...he wants to have you as his safety net and place to live.
He is so not worth your time...can you even imagine how life would be if you settled for him and you had kids with him? Always wondering...always suspicious...always forgiving him and taking the pain for all his wandering ways??
not only that but seriously, he was telling this girl he basically wants everything with her and it's meant to be and his excuse is that it's because you had a fight? couples fight, relationships aren't easy, is he seriously going to use that as an excuse.
i know and everytime i bring it up to him and say you didnt really give me any answers to what the fate thing met, what the 3 month thing meant, he said i already told you it meant nothing....y do you keep bringing it up la la la.. i made a mistake and im sorry..i shouldnt have responded back to her after she texted me.... all the stuff i said i didnt mean and it meant nothing... he is so wrong tho cuz you dont just make that up while flirting....... ughh i hate this.. my mom said that she doesnt like whats going on and she even thinks its weird that he talks to my cousin, my aunt thinks he should get his own place so we can have space... my dad said that he thinks his demeanor is off, like one day hes talkative and the next hes quiet.. so today ive been just like blah to him, and he keeps saying to me ur making me sad, i feel like you dont love me anymore...it seems like ur mad and ignoring me.. do u love me lots? its like he doesnt get it..hes a stupid boy..ur right
My ex bf would do this same thing. HE COULD EVEN CRY! Go figure. I've rarely seen a man cry, and this one would cry everytime I would start to gain a spine, and it was worse then any form of abuse he could have dished out on me. It was a game for him. Then later, if I ever brought it up again, he would do the same also. He's get mad at me, tell me it was in my head, or tell me that he said he was sorry so I needed to drop it, or even tell me that because I allways hound him over everything is the reason why he did it in the first place. Now get this ruby, I own my home, I have no debt, I have investments and a monthly income. This guy lived off of me for 8 months, in my home, with me and my kids, and he rarely worked. When he did, the money went for HIM, not the family because HE earned it. It didn't matter that the rest of the time I had supported him. And he felt entitled to treat me any way he wanted. Even worse still.......then the family started to come around. Daddy was losing his home and needed 1,000 dollars to get himself into a new place. Big sister was in court because her ex husband was going after her for custody and she needed 2,500 for a lawyer. Then he was behind on his child support and I had to help catch him up. But mark my word, if I so much as gave a funny look at any of them, all hell broke loose and it was MY fault. In the end I got pregnant, he told me to abort it and I said no. He left, the family never paid me back, and now I dont hear from any of them. Do you want to end up like this? Not to mention all the stuff I found out was going on behind my back. Apparently he was using drugs behind my back and everything else! I have never even had a speeding ticket! I have never done drugs! I pay my bills and donate when I have a little extra. I go to church and I try to be responsible by myself and my children. But this guy drug me so far down, it almost broke me. And that was after 8 months. There's sooooooooooo much more to the story and I could go on all day telling you one bad story after another about him. And what did I do? NOTHING! I thought If I was quieter, prettier, nicer, more giving, more concerned, he would be nicer to me. WHAT A JOKE! In the end he was a user and a loser, and so is the guy you are with. You need to listen to that little voice that is telling you this is bad and throw him out. And if you dont have the strength to do it on your own, talk to your parents. They will stand behind you and help you do the deed. It is THEIR home after all. Think about it.
Melissa
i know and everytime i bring it up to him and say you didnt really give me any answers to what the fate thing met, what the 3 month thing meant, he said i already told you it meant nothing....y do you keep bringing it up la la la.. i made a mistake and im sorry..i shouldnt have responded back to her after she texted me.... all the stuff i said i didnt mean and it meant nothing... he is so wrong tho cuz you dont just make that up while flirting....... ughh i hate this.. my mom said that she doesnt like whats going on and she even thinks its weird that he talks to my cousin, my aunt thinks he should get his own place so we can have space... my dad said that he thinks his demeanor is off, like one day hes talkative and the next hes quiet.. so today ive been just like blah to him, and he keeps saying to me ur making me sad, i feel like you dont love me anymore...it seems like ur mad and ignoring me.. do u love me lots? its like he doesnt get it..hes a stupid boy..ur right
He's not stupid...he knows exactly what he is doing. Its called manipulation. He's got you wrapped around his finger. You teach people how to treat you. So far, he doesnt have any reason to stop being a cheating loser. You are allowing it and you are accepting his lame reasons which are not even valid reasons. Then he has the audacity to tell you you're making him sad. Give me a break................puuuuleese.
Do yourself and your family a huge favor and tell him to get lost!
Last edited by River rocks; 05-25-2010 at 11:48 AM.
i know and everytime i bring it up to him and say you didnt really give me any answers to what the fate thing met, what the 3 month thing meant, he said i already told you it meant nothing....y do you keep bringing it up la la la.. i made a mistake and im sorry..i shouldnt have responded back to her after she texted me.... all the stuff i said i didnt mean and it meant nothing... he is so wrong tho cuz you dont just make that up while flirting....... ughh i hate this.. my mom said that she doesnt like whats going on and she even thinks its weird that he talks to my cousin, my aunt thinks he should get his own place so we can have space... my dad said that he thinks his demeanor is off, like one day hes talkative and the next hes quiet.. so today ive been just like blah to him, and he keeps saying to me ur making me sad, i feel like you dont love me anymore...it seems like ur mad and ignoring me.. do u love me lots? its like he doesnt get it..hes a stupid boy..ur right
The thing is, you're basically deceiving yourself, i mean, what else does that mean? when a person doesnt want to see something for what it is they find excuses and look for answer that could give them the benefit of the doubt, that's why so many women stay in unhealthy relationships, you want something so bad that you're gonna find any way to lie to yourself, this has already gone too far and you need to be done with it. It's okay to be scared, that's normal, just realize that it will pass and you will be happy without him.
You don't love him, you desperately want HIM to love YOU. And you're willing to do anything and put up with anything just to try to get him to love you.
And he isn't stupid, not one bit. He's very smart because he's found someone who he can live off of PLUS he gets to have relationships with other girls. And when you question him, he responds by accusing YOU of not loving HIM! What a manipulator!!!
My ex cheated on me often and whenever I confronted him about it, his response was always "why are you trying to cause problems??!!" Or "are you trying to break us up??!!" He turned it around on me because number one, he didn't have to answer any questions and number two, he put the blame on me so I ended up apologizing for starting trouble! This is exactly what this guy is doing.
And a week break is NOTHING. You took him right back so he knows all he has to do is put on the tears or the "you don't love me!!!" act and you'll be quiet and let him do what he wants.
None of this sounds good, does it? It's not going to get better, it's going to get worse. My ex dumped me for the girl he was texting with (just like your pseudo-BF is doing with your cousin) and now they are living together. This is your future, you can wait and let it happen or you can take charge and end it NOW and make your own, happier future. It's up to you.
__________________
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
I said something to my cousin about it but I was lying. I said, 'Oh so you and Justin were talking a lot the other night, were you talking about how bad I smell? I made a joke so she wouldnt think I was questioning why they were talking. Well, she went back to my boyfriend and said I was like freaking out cuz they talked. That bothered me, because I did not freak out, and it's like she went behind my back and said that about me to my boyfriend. She can be a little flirty at times, but I don't think she would do anything with him, or flirt with him using like sexual words or anything. He is the one who initiates the texts first, but she said that he texted her and was telling her how much bad luck he has playing bingo. Sometimes we all go play bingo together. But also, I've been checking his phone the past few days when he goes in the shower or something, and all of my cousin's texts are deleted! He deletes their texts, but not anyone elses. I asked him yesterday morning, " why do you text catherine alot ?" He said to me Im weird for saying that, I should trust her that nothing is going on, and he doesnt think its a big deal that they talk ... What do you guys think about it? 
