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Old 05-27-2010, 07:46 PM   #1
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Being with somebody that has two kids and i'm only 20!

I need some help with this one I met this girl over here in nashville and i'm from cali. I have been here about two years and I met this girl not even like 2 weeks ago and she has two kids from two other dads. I have lots of health problems from back pain to being bi polar and she knows that and we love each other so quick this has never happend to me. She is 22 and im only 20! The thing is she has two kids but I love them alot for some reason and they aint even mine. She gives me a back massage if my back hurts cooks for me when I try to cook. She just loves me and I love her! Also know that my life was going down until I met her she makes my whole pain from my back go away and I feel normal again and I have not felt this in years. I know my family will say stuff because she has two kids and I know we have not known each other that long and thats why we are not together but me and her dont talk to anybody but us! Its just weird though she knows I only work part time and go to school and shes a full time mom. I need some advice really cuz we have feeling so strong I have never ever felt to me its like you have two kids but we are falling for each other it dont matter if it makes sense please help I just want peoples ideas on this on what you think is going on is it to good to be true?

 
Old 05-28-2010, 05:15 AM   #2
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Re: Being with somebody thats has two kids and im 20 only!

It's difficult to find what to say. From what you say, I would gather there is a good "commerce" between you and her. By commerce I mean a good exchange. Isn't life all about exchanging things, feelings, etc? My advice is for you to enjoy this, while not fully commiting yourself yet, if you see what I mean. Don't cohabit with her. The kids may be lovely and you may really be fond of them, but living together in the same house may bring out a different reality. Enjoy each other, but keep your own privacy and space. And see how it goes. You need time to see if these glorious feelings will last and be consistent.

 
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Old 05-28-2010, 08:16 AM   #3
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Re: Being with somebody that has two kids and i'm only 20!

Quote:
is it to good to be true?
Yes, it is. She has already failed in at least two prior relationships, and was irresponsible enough to get pregnant in both of them, all before the age of 22. Sorry, but I would steer miles clear of this gal.

 
Old 05-28-2010, 08:50 AM   #4
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Re: Being with somebody that has two kids and i'm only 20!

As a mother, I would think first of the children. It's really hard on kids if there are different men in and out of their lives. It confuses them and it's damaging.

Are you ready to make a long-term commitment to be in these kids' lives, if not as a father-figure then as an adult figure? What about child support; is she receiving child support from the fathers of her babies? If not, she may be looking for a paycheck to support her kids. I'm guessing that either she is getting child support or her parents are supporting her if she's a full-time mom...unless she's on some kind of government assistance. If she's on assistance then I'd be willing to bet she's looking for a paycheck.

I can't really tell you to run from this situation, but I do think a 20 year old is way too young to be taking on this responsibility, especially since you are demonstrating immaturity by thinking you can be in love with this girl after 2 weeks because she rubs your back and is nice to you.

On thing for sure...PLEASE use birth control no matter what she says. A condom, every time.
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Old 05-28-2010, 09:30 AM   #5
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Re: Being with somebody that has two kids and i'm only 20!

I can't say if your love is the lasting type or not, but suggest that you consider the children first. Kids are going to get attached. You need to make sure you maintain a certain amount of distance until you are SURE with this woman (and by sure, I mean that you want to marry her) because it will be psychologically damaging to the kids to start thinking of you as "Dad" and then one day you're gone.

 
Old 05-28-2010, 09:36 AM   #6
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Re: Being with somebody that has two kids and i'm only 20!

I think it's too early to tell what it is. Whether you think her having kids matters or not.....the fact is, to everyone trying to be involved, they should be number one priority. I wouldnt get too close too fast, mostly because if it doesn't work, it's the kids who will do most of the suffering. I would rather have that talk with her however! lol. But as far as being with a single mom.....well I think it's great that you enjoy the kids and her! Alot of us single mom's get a very bad stigma attatched. People like to say we are loose, or that we have failed in one way or another.......but for many of us....we didn't have much of a choice! Most of the time, the guy wasn't who he presented himself to be in the first place, or in some cases he was wonderful and died! And you can do everything right and still get pregnant! I was on the pill, I'm pregnant, it happens. So as far as what your family will say or think about it, I think that you should make that choice for yourself. It's unfair to judge someone like that until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Good luck!
Melissa

 
Old 05-28-2010, 12:26 PM   #7
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Re: Being with somebody that has two kids and i'm only 20!

If you were my child, I'd tell you that it's fine and dandy that you have these feelings for her - great. What it tells you is that you are capable of feeling that way for someone. But what it does NOT tell you is that you love her or she loves you!

Love develops slowly, over time. Sure some "love at first sight" type situations do last, but only because by pure chance the people are compatible. You do not yet know much about each other. You only know the early side of each other that you've presented. Have you experienced fights with each other? Hardship together? Serious illness? Issues with child behavior? Arguments over money? Resentment because one of you has a friend the other doesn't like? There are many, many life situations that a couple will face together, and you have not faced any of them yet. Neither of you know how the other will react, or if you will still like each other after the initial passion and fun wear off and real life intrudes.

If she were my child, I would tell her that it is totally irresponsible to introduce her children to a "father figure" until she is sure that she really likes him (not just hot for him), that he may stay around and actually be a GOOD father figure for those children. That takes months, not 14 days. Those children are getting attached, learning to listen to and maybe love some man who may move out in a few weeks or months after things cool down and real life intrudes.

 
Old 05-28-2010, 08:23 PM   #8
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Re: Being with somebody that has two kids and i'm only 20!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigRed54 View Post
If she were my child, I would tell her that it is totally irresponsible to introduce her children to a "father figure" until she is sure that she really likes him (not just hot for him),
Yep. I'm sure child #1 was introduced to dad #2 under similar circumstances. The question is, do you want to be dad #3? I wouldn't.

 
Old 05-29-2010, 08:50 AM   #9
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Re: Being with somebody that has two kids and i'm only 20!

Condoms! Every time!
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