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Old 06-03-2010, 02:58 AM   #1
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help me_how to achieve it

I am 36 single female with 2 unsuccessful relationship in past.
I started a relationship with my friend (doctor and attached to my family). He took care for my family similar we were there for him
Before started this I was kind alone for almost 4 years he was aware this fact.
It started when I was in pain and he was caring me then he first kissed me (i did like that) and later we became intimate. He told that he can’t marry me due to some personal reason and He still loves his ex . He imagined his ex doing physical act. He was very clear in his stand. I started relationship for sake of sex or I thought it will ease my life and pain. After doing almost one month, I started feeling some emotional connection. When told him it would be very difficult for me to continue this relation and I expressed my feeling. He shocked and told me he never loved me nor he can love me. He just did sex for me and of course for him. But I felt if I continue this relation I will go in depression because, I have already started feeling depressed, crying for no reason.
I realized I need love more than sex whereas he cleared he wants only sex. He told me when a man loves a woman he doesn’t want sex all the time.
I knew I have misunderstood his care as love. I am responsible for my pain. Whatever has happened it happened due to my mistake.
Pls advice me about my stand not to meet him alone and discontinue this relation.Although,one part of mine is slightly unhappy due to loss of a friend ( the earlier person ). How to overcome pain, anger and stress.

 
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:11 AM   #2
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Re: help me_how to achieve it

First of all, dont ever meet him again. Stay far away from him.
Second, the only thing that will heal your pain is time and staying away from him. And never do this again. Many of us women have at onetime or another mistaken sex for love......because we loved, we thought they would too. But that's just not the case with men. I would absolutely stay away from this guy, and before becomming intimate with another man, make sure that there is an emotional connection first, and that he feels the same way as you.
Lastly, it's not the end of the world. It feels that way now, but be kind to yourself. You couldn't have seen this comming, and granted, it was a big mistake, it's one that you can learn from so that you dont put yourself out there like that again. Smile and be happy in knowing that your a great person, capable of feeling love for another. Good luck!
Melissa

 
Old 06-03-2010, 10:58 AM   #3
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Re: help me_how to achieve it

This man is a doctor? He completely takes advantage of you. Its morally and ethically wrong of him.

OK and he says he is still in love with his ex? Having sex with you is a really wierd way of showing how much he loves someone else. Sorry, but he sounds very messed up. Just goes to show you having the letters MD behind your name does not make you necessarily smart.

The whole thing about him having sex with you simply because he cares about you (here you go...let the doctor make you all better) makes me queasy. Its a total cop out. He's getting sex and not having to invest his emotions or commit.

Take care of yourself and tell him you won't see him any longer. You don't need someone taking advantage of you that way.

 
Old 06-03-2010, 03:13 PM   #4
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Re: help me_how to achieve it

I'm sorry to have to say this, but the truth is this man does not care about you and does not respect you. People who care about you do not use you as if you were nothing more than a warm hunk of meat. And they do not take advantage of you when you are feeling down and vunerable.

The first thing you need to do is to never see this man again. Cut him out of your life completely. And learn from your mistakes. Now you know that having sex with someone who you are not in love with, who doesn't love you, who you are not in an honest, commited relationship with is not for you. Some women can do it just fine, some can't, and that's fine. You are one of those women who can't. Now that you know this about yourself, you know to never again have sex with a man who has not declared his love for you and who has not commited to you in some real way.

In the meantime, get back to your life. Work, hobbies, passions, exercise, friends, family, surround yourself with things, activities and people you love and enjoy. Chalk it up to lessons learned, we all have them, and move on. Good luck.

 
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