About a year and a half ago, I became friends with this man who I see frequently at a bar I go to. I enjoy talking to him whenever I see him there, and we have even exchanged e-mail addresses. But he is about 25 years older than me and I am not at all attracted to him. Even though he has made it clear in the past that he finds me attractive, I've also made it clear that I don't see us as being any more than friends.
We've had a perfectly nice friendship up until very recently - he has begun suggesting that we hang out together outside of the bar. I hope I don't sound cruel, but I just have no desire to do anything with him outside of the bar. I tried to explain that the bar is the only place I go when I feel like socializing, which is true. Most of the friends that I have, I do only see at this particular bar. But even though I have expressed hesitation, he still keeps pressing, insisting that he wants to see me somewhere that is not as loud or crowded. I don't want to be mean and come out and say "Look, I just don't want to hang out with you alone somewhere" but I don't know what else to do. Even though I keep trying to put him off, he's been pressing me for about two weeks now. How do I handle this without ruining our friendship?
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~
I'm sorry, but there is no other way then to simply tell him the truth, you wont be ruining a friendship, you can tell him that you enjoy having him as a friend but that you don't wish to socialize outside of the bar, if he decides that it hurts his feelings that's his problem not yours. if he asks why you could simply tell him that you're aware that he may have other intentions with you and that you simply dont feel the same and do not wish to be put in that type of situation, it's understandable, he should be able to understand.
Hmmmm, well I wont give you my, "nice girls shouldn't be in the bars all alone" speach! lol. I think your going to have to just tell him. Anything you say in politeness, I dont think he is going to get. What scares me is that...you do not REALLY know him, and you run into him at this bar where alcohol is a factor. I would be afraid of him waiting outside for you, or something like that. So it might be easier to find a new hangout or something. But yeah, other then being blunt or going somewhere else, I dont really see any other options. Good luck!
Well I tend to be the blunt type. I'd tell him flat out that I value his friendship (and would emphasize the "friend" part) but that the pressure he's putting on me to hang out and do other things one on one with him is making me really uncomfortable.
He should back off if you tell him that. If he doesn't, I'd stop going to that bar. It sounds very much like he has romantic feelings for you and since you don't feel a spark you should definitely draw a line in the sand now.