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Old 06-07-2010, 02:12 AM   #1
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Unsettled Husband

Hello,
My husband has B/P (diagnosed about 20 years ago). In the past two years he has gone from job, to job, to job and ALWAYS there is a problem, so he leaves.

He's been in this current job for two months now and is looking at another job (his dream job he says) in another town 4.5 hours from home.

Also, he's soooo negative about EVERYTHING. I'm at my wits end. Today I took him breakfast in bed (happens once a year). Took him a bagel and coffee and he moaned that I hadn't made sausages...........made him a special garden with his favourite plants, but I'd used the wrong planter...can't win!)

Is this normal B/P behaviour?????

How can I make this man happy?????

Last edited by Ms Wendy; 06-07-2010 at 03:52 AM. Reason: not enough information included first time

 
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Old 06-07-2010, 04:44 PM   #2
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Re: Unsettled Husband

It sounds pretty typical, particularly the difficulty holding down a job.

Is he on meds?

 
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Old 06-07-2010, 05:38 PM   #3
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Re: Unsettled Husband

You can't make him happy. It's not your job to make him happy. He needs to make himself happy. You said he was diagnosed, but you didn't say whether or not he's receiving treatment, medication, etc. If not, he should be. If you had made sausage, he'd complain that you didn't bring toast, or that it was burned, or the eggs were scrambled instead of over easy, etc. He needs to figure out for himself why he's not satisfied with a lovely wife to puts thought into him and tries her best to please him.

If he's not on medication and in therapy, he should be. Sit him down and talk to him about it.

 
Old 06-07-2010, 07:33 PM   #4
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Re: Unsettled Husband

I dont like the diagnosis of b.p. To me, it's just a manipulative person throwing a tantrum to get attention. Why should they be considerate of anyone else when they have learned that they can be a tyrant, and everybody becomes even more considerate to them? And now that they have this wonderful little diagnosis, they have the right to get even worse! Something to blame it on, if you will, rather then ever have to feel bad about the way they treat people. If I were you, I'd tell him to check his attitude at the door, and if he cant, to get help for it. If he's unwilling, then I think I'd be having serious second thoughts. My opinion....if he's unwilling to get help, it's the same as looking you straight in the eyes and telling you you're not worth it.

 
Old 06-08-2010, 03:47 AM   #5
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Re: Unsettled Husband

Yes, he takes Epilium.

 
Old 06-08-2010, 03:49 AM   #6
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Re: Unsettled Husband

Thank you. You have just put into words what I have suspected for 30 years.

 
Old 06-08-2010, 04:04 AM   #7
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Re: Unsettled Husband

She's so right. It is just a fit and it meant to hold you down. I'm sorry you're going through this. You could suggest counseling, but I almost think you should go alone so that you can get help for you and feel better about you. Do something that brings you happiness too, paint, take pictures, read, write, whatever feeds you. I would be willing to bet you've mostly poured yourself into him for quite some time, probably trying harder and harder the less he appreciates it. hugs.

 
Old 06-08-2010, 07:21 AM   #8
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Re: Unsettled Husband

you can't make him happy......I was married to a bi-polar man for 10 years. He kept threatening to leave me, saying "I'm not happy here". I kept telling him "you're not happy HERE (and pointing to his head)". He wouldn't be happy anywhere.....it's not the physical surroundings, it's internal. He finally did leave me and rumor has it, it didn't make him happy.

 
Old 06-08-2010, 12:01 PM   #9
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Re: Unsettled Husband

It's not your job to make him happy. And he sounds like someone who will never be happy, no matter what you do.

As for if he is bi-polar, don't they also swing into positive mode? Do you ever get that side? If not, I'd say it's something else like BPD. Or maybe he's just a miserable person.

 
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