Hello, I've spent a bit of time on these boards reading about other's experience with loved ones suffering from BPD, mainly because my girlfriend also suffers from it. Now, I don't claim to be perfect, and I know everyone has their own flavor of problems, but I just don't know what to do.
Everything everyone says basically seems to me either, A; Run far and do it fast, or B; Spend the next 2-5 years of your life hoping that they will get better, and that you both still are at least as good of a person as when you started dating (coming back to this in a bit). We have met a couple times, but as of right now its a long distance thing. Our main method of keeping on touch is skype.
The last couple of months though, she will just randomly stop talking to me for a week or so at a time and then randomly coming back, acting like nothing at all happened. We both have lives, but it they aren't so all consuming that we couldn't at least let each other know what was going on.
I don't want to think that she is cheating on me, because I trust her since she's been cheated on in the past, giving her very strong feelings about it. At the same time, I wonder if I am just being ignorant.
As far as I'm aware, she is seeking professional help, although as far as I know, she didn't want to take any medication for it.
So, rather round about way of asking, but are all cases of BPD as hopeless of a bottomless pit as most of the posts on these boards indicate? Or, is it worth sticking it out for a bit to see what happens? Secondly, is there anything I can do to get her to talk to me more? I'm very supporting and never condescending about her ailment, and if I can ever get her to video chat with me, we both are just nothing but smiles for the rest of the day, but she fights it every chance she gets.
I think most of them are. I am a firm believer that BPD is not really so much a disease, as it is a license for spoiled rotten brats to throw it in your face that they have a "disease", allowing them to continue to behave any which way they want. I think maybe a few, a very select handful, truely cannot help it. But other then that, most of them are pretty much ill tempered egotists. Is it hopeless? NO WAY! But she has to realize that the problem is hers and hers alone. Then she has to be willing to learn a whole new way of reacting to situations. It is difficult and time consuming. Will she do it? I think most of them dont. Why would anybody change when all they have to do is throw a temper tantrum and everyone cowers to them because they have a "disease"! So I would give her an ultimatum. I would say, do the work, or I'm done. If she comes back with a ,"that's so unfair, I'm sick," sort of an attitude, then you know, she's not willing. Then I would leave. Good luck!
I think most of them are. I am a firm believer that BPD is not really so much a disease, as it is a license for spoiled rotten brats to throw it in your face that they have a "disease", allowing them to continue to behave any which way they want. I think maybe a few, a very select handful, truely cannot help it. But other then that, most of them are pretty much ill tempered egotists. Is it hopeless? NO WAY! But she has to realize that the problem is hers and hers alone. Then she has to be willing to learn a whole new way of reacting to situations. It is difficult and time consuming. Will she do it? I think most of them dont. Why would anybody change when all they have to do is throw a temper tantrum and everyone cowers to them because they have a "disease"! So I would give her an ultimatum. I would say, do the work, or I'm done. If she comes back with a ,"that's so unfair, I'm sick," sort of an attitude, then you know, she's not willing. Then I would leave. Good luck!
I have to say I agree. I have had experience with someone who has BPD traits and that guy is a master manipulator like no other. He can turn things around and make it all the other person's fault and believe me, he knows EXACTLY what he's doing. He gets his own way, every time, by threatening to end the relationship if you don't stop "hassling" him, or he asks "why are you trying to break us up???" all sad-like, when he gets caught lying or cheating. BS he's "sick"!
You can't "get" anyone to do anything, especially someone who's used to getting their own way all the time. Either they want to do it or they don't, and nothing will force them.
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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
Ya know a month ago i'd be saying "ah stick with it! blah blah blah.. now i'm out of it. out of the abusive relationship i was in. I deserve much more.. so yeah go find someone who won't give you so much crap.
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If my life was written down in a book, you wouldn't get a single chapter, you would get the whole book.
