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Old 06-08-2010, 08:39 PM   #1
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Im the one. Im the abuser.

Ive been reading different websites, and have come to a shocking conclusion. I am THAT guy! The one who is insainly insecure, and has fears of losing the love in his life. The one who has been soo verbally abusive and out of control with his anger that it pushed my wife away. The one who ddenyed help and acted like it was everyone elses fault for making me mad. The one who destroyed a great relationship. The one that had love, and twisted it, tortured it so that now it doesnt exist. The one who couldnt control his own outbursts, but tried to control everyone else. The one who once had the dream, but forced it away. I am the one. Im not happy about it. Im not bragging about it. if you read my earleir post, youd understand. I did this, noone else. The fear I had turned to anger, and that my friends left me with emptyness, no friends, no family, no wife, no kids, nothing. All it did was give me new fears...now i sit alone, in a dark place, looking at myself in the mirror and realizing, noone is behind me. To all those who are in abusive relationships...demand your spouse get help. If they wont..leave. Thats what my wife did. I cant blame her. If i could leave me too, i would. Im the one, the one you should run from.

** I am receiving help..but its to late for my marriage. Whats done is done. All i can do is better myself for my daughter, and myself, and hope oneday, everyone will forgive me.**

 
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Old 06-08-2010, 10:16 PM   #2
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Re: Im the one. Im the abuser.

Your ability to look at yourself from another's point of view, (particularly your wife and children) is very encouraging. You have taken a big step by acknowledging your responsibility. Now you have to learn another way to handle yourself, and that will take some counseling and lots of focus and determination from you.

None of us can control the things that happen to us in life, but we can control how we react. None of us get through life without challenges, but how we choose to handle them makes the difference between us. When you choose a negative approach to everything in your way, you will get negative results every time.. When you learn to stop and take a look at things in a positive way, you can choose how to turn situations around. It's just a matter of opening your mind to something different.

When you choose intimidation and fear to dominate a person, you are showing that person the least amount of respect, and that is doom for a relationship. I hope you take this opportunity to look into yourself and find a beter way to deal with life. As long as you are on this earth you have the chance to learn and grow. You have a chance to mend your self and make life better. It is worth it, and you can do it.

I wish you the best!

 
Old 06-09-2010, 07:43 AM   #3
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Re: Im the one. Im the abuser.

It's hard to start all over from scratch. We all find ourselves in your same position for one reason or another in life. It may be because of an emotional issue, or a physical issue, or a monetary issue, or any number of things. But I think that most of us for sure, have sat down, and realized that things arent the way we thought or dreamed them to be, and now we are left to start all over. I'm there right now. For slightly different reasons. But there just the same. I think knowing what we've done, and knowing what needs to be done about it is the first step to making that difference. And as hard as it is right now, I know that life will be that much better when the transformation is complete. Good luck to you!
Melissa

 
Old 06-09-2010, 02:18 PM   #4
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Re: Im the one. Im the abuser.

hi there.
It was nice to read your post. I've just gotten out of an abusive relationship that consisted of the things you mentioned above and more. Find peace in yourself that you have recognised your faults and are working on them. I onkly wish that my ex could have done that when we where together or i hope that he does it on his own.

Good luck
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Last edited by emma j; 06-09-2010 at 02:18 PM.

 
Old 06-09-2010, 05:58 PM   #5
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Re: Im the one. Im the abuser.

Nice words of support for you...which you deserve for putting your thoughts down straight.

Enjoy your new life.

 
Old 06-10-2010, 06:23 AM   #6
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Smile Re: Im the one. Im the abuser.

WOW! Thanks for all of the support. I must say I didnt expect it. I have gotten into therapy and anger management classes as well as going to my doctor. My PCP is going to prescribe me abilify, to help with the anxiety, which should help with rage. While that is under control ill be able to do my cognitive therapy alot easier and focus more on getting better.

 
Old 06-10-2010, 09:58 AM   #7
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Re: Im the one. Im the abuser.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluenergy View Post
WOW! Thanks for all of the support. I must say I didnt expect it. I have gotten into therapy and anger management classes as well as going to my doctor. My PCP is going to prescribe me abilify, to help with the anxiety, which should help with rage. While that is under control ill be able to do my cognitive therapy alot easier and focus more on getting better.
Good!!
Awareness and willingness to change is more that half the battle. Congratulations on making the decision to better your life and face your issues. And good luck in your future!

 
Old 06-10-2010, 03:06 PM   #8
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Re: Im the one. Im the abuser.

You are welcome...As justmel stated so eloquently, we all have our demons to deal with. You are not alone, and getting help is all the better when you have some support on your side. We will be happy to provide that support, and be happy for all your achievements.

Keep with it, and the best to you!

 
Old 06-11-2010, 01:25 PM   #9
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Re: Im the one. Im the abuser.

Went to the dr today, he automatically suggested Abilify. Took some blood work. Started me on 2mg for 1 week, then 5mg next week, and 10mg the following week. Says it should help..thinks my titanium plates in my neck from surgery 8 months ago may be playing a factor in my cognetive reasoning. Says that when some people have major injuries and surgeries to the spine it has happend that some have the same things happen to them. Didnt know that! also my copper levels are high and that has alot to do with how it affects my brain. Regardless, im going to keep seeing my therapist, start my anger mgnmt group, and see how abilify works for me. My fingers are crossed.

 
Old 06-11-2010, 01:28 PM   #10
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Cool Re: Im the one. Im the abuser.

Well today i took my second dose of abilify. I must say, the dr said i would feel the effects within a day or 2. He's right. I feel a bit disconnected, but maybe that will pass. concentration is a bit off, and so is my memory, but ill give it time. So far my aggresion has subsided a bit. All in time. got to give it some more time. Talked to my wife in person today. she wouldn't come inside, and it upset me, but, I didn't fly off the handle either. Got to see my daughter for a bit. that felt good.

 
Old 06-11-2010, 02:44 PM   #11
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Re: Im the one. Im the abuser.

I'm glad you got to see your daughter! Baby steps! Practice makes perfect......and the more you practice being calm and considerate, the less it will feel "forced" and the sooner it will come natural. Good luck!

 
Old 06-11-2010, 02:50 PM   #12
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Re: Im the one. Im the abuser.

You will need to learn. It's hard to remember sometimes that the knee-jerk reactions you've had your entire life have to be stopped, but we do have that power. If you feel the anger, but stop yourself from acting on it...that's huge. Maybe try some behavior modification, stop yourself before you speak or swing at walls (it can be done!) and you will find it to be your new, healthier habit. Good luck.
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