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Old 06-09-2010, 12:01 PM   #1
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I think my friend lies all the time

Ok so i have a friend who i have know for around 5 years but only got close friends with about 2 years ago. Recently we were at a party and after it she told everyone that she had got with a guy, the guy completely denies it and no one saw them doing anything. The guy is not the kind to deny it because he is embarressed. This has sparked off people at school saying that she is a lyer. I have talked to other friends about it who are also close to her and they feel the same way. We think she has a lying problem.
She always has stories about the weekend and about really dramatic stuff that has happened. For example the police being called to her house because they thought she was missing. She works as a waitress and is always saying that customers are swearing at her and being really rude. This could happen but it seems that she has these every week. She also said that she had a boyfriend a while ago, but she didnt have any pictures of him and no one had ever seen or heard of him, she told us that he died in a car crash a few months ago but no one every heard anything about a car accident or a death.
I talked to my friends about it and thought that maybe she was doing it for attention and thought that maybe if we didnt react to her stories she would get bored and stop telling them. However this didnt work, the lies seem to be getting more and more dramatic and serious. For example she told a friend the other week that she had been raped on the way home from work. She said she took a pregnancy test and it was possitive but then took another one a few days later and she wasnt. I hate the fact that i dont believe her because if it did actually happen it is really serious, the thing is she didnt seem any different and surely if you had just been raped you would be shoock up at the very least. She also never told her parents or called the police or have any visable injuries from a struggle or anything.
I really dont know what to do because her 'lies' seem quite far fetched but they could actually happen. It is really awkward at school now because of what happened after the party and i want to help her if she needs it, but its frustrating to have to listen to her lies all the time and im worried that if something bad really did happen to her no one would believe her.
She also 'faints' alot. Its only been in the last 4 years that this has started. To begin with she would 'faint' for less than a minute or just a few seconds but over the last year or so she has started to 'faint' for 15 - 30 minutes. Understandably, when this happens at school the paramedics are rung, just in case. However when they do come and try and wake her up they often say 'you havn't fainted, can you get up for me now' This makes me a bit suspicious of what is actually happening. She has been to the doctors many times but they have found no medical reason for her 'fainting'. It makes me wonder wether she actually is fainting or just faking it.
I really dont know what to do.
I would be very grateful for any advice or thoughts you may have
Thankyou

Last edited by jiggy91; 06-09-2010 at 12:05 PM.

 
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Old 06-09-2010, 02:06 PM   #2
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Re: I think my friend lies all the time

Dealing with somebody who habitually lies can be very difficult. If I were you, I wouldn't. I have a feeling your right, and she's making alot of it up. It's sad because she probably is just doing it for attention, and not realizing that everybody likes much more without all of the crazy stories. Not to mention, it's kind of like the boy who cried wolf. When people dont believe a word that comes out of your mouth, they also dont believe it when something really terrible finally does happen. You could either pull her aside in private...( to limit her embarassment)......and try to have a talk with her about it. Tell her that you know that alot of what she says is just made up and that you dont think she needs to lie about her life. That everyone likes her much more without it. But I have a feeling she will come up with something even more dramatic, or even create some sort of big even....i.e. running away for real, just to take the attention off of the fact that she's been caught. I can honestly say that I have never once confronted somebody on a lie where it turned out any other way. They either created a scenario, or they told me it was my misunderstanding, or they threw a temper tantrum, or some other embarassing thing. Like I said first, I think I would just slowly brush her off. Good luck!
Melissa

 
Old 06-09-2010, 03:32 PM   #3
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Re: I think my friend lies all the time

You can say something to her but I would guess that would not change anything. I have met many people like this over the years and can tell you, they stay this way for life.

 
Old 06-09-2010, 04:29 PM   #4
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Re: I think my friend lies all the time

Many years ago I worked with a woman who was like this. One big story she had was about going to court for an issue where she was testifying. The issue ended up making it into the local news and it turned out she had nothing to do with it. When her office mate called her on it, sick to death of hearing story after story, she just laughed and said "busted". That was it. I would have been embarrassed to death but it didn't phase her to be caught in a huge lie.

Your friend is probably making most of her stuff up or taking a tiny thing and creating a big thing out of it. If she's a good friend you have to decide if you want her to stay a good friend. If she's a casual friend, I'd keep it that way. I think the only thing you can do is not react to her stories. Maybe if she ever gets a more active real life the fantasy will stop. But I think it's a very hard habit for people to break once they begin to create an imaginary life.

 
Old 06-09-2010, 04:34 PM   #5
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Re: I think my friend lies all the time

Sounds like she wants attention. I don't think anything you say will change her. You can choose to stay friends with her knowing that you'll have to treat anything she says with skepticism, or you can choose to not be friends with her and instead make friends with someone you can trust. Maybe your friendship with her has positives that outweigh the fact that she lies all the time. Personally I'd probably move on but it sounds like you are in high school and if that's the case that is probably harder to do since she'll undoubtedly start telling lies about you too if you blow her off.

 
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