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Old 06-10-2010, 03:56 PM   #1
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Need Advice and can't get past certain things...

I don't know if this is the right way to put this out there, but I am in a very bad situation!

I dated someone younger than myself for over a year and half, it was stressful and we broke up just about every 4-5 weeks and be apart for that long and then back together!

With that being said, I alway's thought that he was just confused and didn't know how to handle a mature relationship...BUT, in that time I found out a lot of things, most about his family and how they and he felt about them, but most importantly...I think that he may be either gay or transexual! Too many things point to that and have actually got information from someone I don't know and to say the least, I thought this a long time ago but always went back and put up with the break ups and get back togethers!

What is the most disturbing to me is that I am a strong independant woman with a great profession and phenomenal life...I can't seem to get past this and I know it has nothing, absolutly nothing to do with me! I (and anyone else that he dated in the past and will date and someday marry in the future) was a cover for him...I feel bad for him, I have never confronted him about this or asked him, due to not wanting to "rock the boat"! I did love him very much and I feel that he loved me as well, infact I know he does, but he can't because he can't love another woman!

WHY is this so hard for me? I should walk away and never look back for all the deciet and humilation this has caused me...I haven't spoken to him in over 2 weeks, I have sent a couple of text's at first being in a mad state and to recently trying to reach out to him to maintain a friendship (which if he is gay, I certainly could be his friend, he just needs to be honest)! I in a round about way kind of let him know that I had information and that I was disgusted with what I knew and now believed, but never out right told him anything, and I don't think I ever could!

Just having a hard time letting this horrible feeling go, I am trying to date and am certainly living my life and other than this one aspect I am very happy and confidant in everything!

Any idea's, help, advice would be greatly apprieciated!

 
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Old 06-10-2010, 04:17 PM   #2
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Re: Need Advice and can't get past certain things...

Ummm...transexual means he used to be a woman. Is he pre or post-op? I would think if he's pre-op you'd be able to tell if you two have been intimate. Gay means he's a man who is romantically attracted to other men, which is something completely different.

Are you ok with dating a man who used to be a woman (if that in fact is the case)? Some women are fine with it, others feel horribly deceived if this was concealed from them. If you re ok with it and just love the person he is today, then that't not the issue, the issue is that you can't seem to get along for longer than a few weeks. Why do you think that is?
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Old 06-10-2010, 04:19 PM   #3
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Re: Need Advice and can't get past certain things...

I'm sorry, I used the wrong word...transvestite...those are the only people he had on a open forum, which has since been deleted! So, I messed that one up! He is a man, very narrassitic, controlling, vain, the list could go on and on and on!

 
Old 06-10-2010, 07:52 PM   #4
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Re: Need Advice and can't get past certain things...

I am a 38yr old woman. My mom and dad were married for 10 years and had 3 children. When I turned 5 yrs old, my dad told my mom he was leaving because he was gay. He told us kids over the weekend. I know i was only 5 but i knew that gay meant man with man. I was always ok with it and still am to this day. I am so happy he was honest with us. He told me he always knew he was gay. He said he went to a priest to talk to him and the priest told him his has to let his feelings for men alone and do the right thing and stay with his wife and kids. He tried for a few more months and decided he couldn't do that to my mother and us kids any longer. He wanted my mother to be with someone else who could love her like she deserved and he couldnt live a lie... I understand where you're coming from.I am so happy that you don't blame yourself. He was probably trying to live the so called "Normal Life' to make his family and friends happy you know. It's real hard for ppl to come out of the closet. I am so happy to hear that if he did come to you and tell you he was gay you'd still want to be his friend...i am extremely positive that he would be grateful for that and it would also help him in many other ways. If you ever need to talk, write me...take care!!!

 
Old 06-11-2010, 08:25 AM   #5
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Re: Need Advice and can't get past certain things...

Quote:
Originally Posted by momoof2ntexas View Post
I'm sorry, I used the wrong word...transvestite...those are the only people he had on a open forum, which has since been deleted! So, I messed that one up! He is a man, very narrassitic, controlling, vain, the list could go on and on and on!

well if the only problem was that he could be a transvestite, that wouldn't be such a big problem.......
the problem is he's narcississtic, and controlling......who cares if he likes to wear womens clothes?? that's not that important here.....

 
Old 06-11-2010, 07:25 PM   #6
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Re: Need Advice and can't get past certain things...

I'm not sure really what you are asking for. Are you looking for a way to reconnect with him in a "freindship"? You said that you dont blame yourself at all. Is it just that you feel like this happened to you and you cant put it to rest?

First, you said that you are doing the best you can to move on. That's a hard thing to do and it does NOT happen over night! I think sometimes it probably takes years before you can get through a day without thinking about it! Just because we dont blame ourselves for something, doesn't mean that it didn't hurt us is the point I'm trying to make here. Give yourself time. Yeah, reguardless of your opinion of homosexual behavior.....there was deception and dishonesty here and no matter what the reasons were, I'm sure that hurt you. Turn your back on it! In real life, we dont typically end up like Will and Grace. It's a wonderful fantasy, but not reality. I think the best you can do is leave it alone, and keep moving forward with your own life and ventures. Otherwise, it's a constant reminder, right there in your face, and it will just keep you down. So chin up! Your doing well, keep going, and it will get easier as time goes by! Good luck!
Melissa

 
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