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Old 06-12-2010, 02:37 AM   #1
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Just don't know what do do anymore

I'm lonely, depressed, turning into a drunk and basically hate my life. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

A long relationship ended two months ago. I loved him, but he no longer loves me. And I miss him. The hardest thing is that he only lives around the corner. I have a good job, but I hate it. Every day is the same. Get up, go to work, come home to an empty house. Just me alone. So I drink, because at least I sleep when I drink.

I want my ex back and I know that's never going to happen. I think of him all the time - I don't want to, but he's just there in my mind constantly. I have no interest in anything.

 
Old 06-12-2010, 07:55 AM   #2
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Re: Just don't know what do do anymore

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. I know that your heart is broken,
but in time I believe things will not feel so raw for you. It is very hard to be broken up with, but obviously the answer is not drinking.
Do yourself a favor. Treat this new season in your life as an opportunity to explore who you are. Join a gym. Take an art course. Do something that you always wondered if you would like. Visit a place of worship. Make this "me time".
Take the times where you would drink and journal or write poetry, instead.
I realize you are terribly disappointed, but to be honest? Life, even with a significant
other, is rather mundane. Your experience is not unusual.

Sue

 
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Old 06-13-2010, 05:10 PM   #3
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Re: Just don't know what do do anymore

Were any of these things (drinking, bored with your job) in place before 2 months ago? If so, I think you need to see your doctor and explain what's going on with you. I just couldn't tell if you meant you were having trouble before the breakup or not.

 
Old 06-13-2010, 05:34 PM   #4
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Re: Just don't know what do do anymore

For some people, I have read that a break up is more like a death. They actually have to go through the grieving process, and it can even take years for them to move past. I hope that it passes for you sooner then later.
Now, what can you do today? Well it takes energy to make energy. You have to project that you feel good to feel good. You have to try to be pretty to be pretty....see where I'm going with this? It won't change until you change it. But if you put down the bottle, force a smile on your face, take a shower, put some clean clothes on, clean your house, and start practicing a healthier day......pretty soon, it wont be practice anymore. It will be for real. You may hate the idea of all of it! You may absolutely think it is the most ridiculous thing ever considering how miserable you feel. But it works. I'm not saying you will be over it by the end of the day, but at least you will be doing something with your life. And life is so special.........it can come and go so quickly. It doesn't seem fair to me that people give up on it so easily when it was taken from my husband so young, for no good reason, and I would give anything to have him back. So I challenge you to give life another try. Just one day.......what do you have to lose?

 
Old 06-14-2010, 09:14 AM   #5
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Re: Just don't know what do do anymore

I agree with justmel, this is a loss, like any loss there are specific stages that you need to go through before you see the light again. I would suggest you go out and get a book on loss, read it over and over again, believe what it says, trust it, it's all true. Remember that all loss is the same, all that is different is the duration of each stage, if this is a big loss it will take some time to heal, but it will happen.


good luck!

 
Old 06-14-2010, 09:51 AM   #6
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Re: Just don't know what do do anymore

It will take time to get over, it's never easy to go through a breakup especially when it was one you didn't want or initiate.

However, if you really are feeling that low I think you should get some professional help. Try talking to your doctor or a counsellor, it could help you at least see that these feelings will pass and that losing yourself in alcohol is a very dangerous path to take.

 
Old 06-14-2010, 09:57 AM   #7
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Re: Just don't know what do do anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by justmel30 View Post
For some people, I have read that a break up is more like a death. They actually have to go through the grieving process, and it can even take years for them to move past. I hope that it passes for you sooner then later.
Now, what can you do today? Well it takes energy to make energy. You have to project that you feel good to feel good. You have to try to be pretty to be pretty....see where I'm going with this? It won't change until you change it. But if you put down the bottle, force a smile on your face, take a shower, put some clean clothes on, clean your house, and start practicing a healthier day......pretty soon, it wont be practice anymore. It will be for real. You may hate the idea of all of it! You may absolutely think it is the most ridiculous thing ever considering how miserable you feel. But it works. I'm not saying you will be over it by the end of the day, but at least you will be doing something with your life. And life is so special.........it can come and go so quickly. It doesn't seem fair to me that people give up on it so easily when it was taken from my husband so young, for no good reason, and I would give anything to have him back. So I challenge you to give life another try. Just one day.......what do you have to lose?

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. You must think I'm very insenstive.

Thanks for your replies. Trying to sort my head out and realise there are so many people with much bigger problems than mine.

 
Old 06-14-2010, 12:14 PM   #8
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Re: Just don't know what do do anymore

I've been through this and so have most people. And you know what? As trite as this sounds - you will get over him. It may take time or another person to enter your life. I've thought my life was over 3 times because a relationship ended - and it never was.

The worst thing I did was to waste months and months dwelling on how horrid my life was without him. Thing is - it doesn't matter what we say on here because you have to go through it. The best thing you could do is try to talk with a therapist about this. Often there are other things that make a breakup feel hopeless.

What you don't have to do is ruin your life over this man.

Never ruin your life over a man. There will be someone else.

Last edited by cathy1; 06-14-2010 at 12:17 PM.

 
Old 06-14-2010, 12:46 PM   #9
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Re: Just don't know what do do anymore

You're not the first person who has ever gone through a breakup and you're not the last one who will ever go through one, either. Everyone in their lifetime will have gone through one if not multiple breakups. Me, I've gone through about 6? I lost track. Each time it hurt a lot and all I wanted to do was sink into the ground and never come back up. But I'm still here and alive and talking about it now because those feelings all passed after a while. Every time, those feelings passed after I gave it time.

I also used to complain about how much my life sucked to my family and friends until they got sick of hearing about it. They finally said to me, Either do something about it or quit complaining! Think about it: If all you ever do every day is get up in the morning, go to work, come home and drink - then nothing will ever change in your life, ever. It's always going to be the same. You're the one who has to take control of the situation and do something else for a change. You're the one who has to switch it up because no one else is going to do that for you.

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get the same result. If your life sucks right now the way it is, then start making changes so it doesn't suck anymore.

 
Old 06-14-2010, 07:55 PM   #10
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Re: Just don't know what do do anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by evt17 View Post
I'm sorry to hear about your husband. You must think I'm very insenstive.

Thanks for your replies. Trying to sort my head out and realise there are so many people with much bigger problems than mine.
Well my intent wasn't to bring you down, but rather to help you see that life really can and does end. So count it a blessing that your here, and find a reason to continue. Whether it feels like it or not, there ARE people who care about you and you WILL get through this. You can either do it kicking and screaming and make a whole bunch of mistakes that you will live to regret once you begin to recover. Or you can take it easy on yourself. Admit that you hurt, admit that it's ok to hurt, cry for a while, but dont abuse you. Dont drink, dont use drugs, dont tell yourself your worthless, dont avoid eating or sleeping. Tell yourself the truth......that you loved and it hurts really bad that it's over, but also that you are a good person who deserves to be with someone who feels the same way. Anyway, I dont think your insensitive, your just hurting really bad. And that's ok.......just dont hurt yourself even more.

 
Old 06-19-2010, 07:49 PM   #11
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Re: Just don't know what do do anymore

Go pick up the book "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken" It will change your life. Sometimes when you're laying around the empty house, a book will do the trick. And yes if you are falling into a depression about too many things in your life and really start to feel numb and unambitious, see a doctor. Life is worth living!

 
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