It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-12-2010, 01:16 PM   #1
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Illinois, USA
Posts: 261
ctnc1234 HB User
Question I'm married to a narcissist!

Wondering if anyone has had any exsperience with narsisism? I'm married to a man I believe has it. How do I cope with a man who, loves only himself, is rarley wrong, is smarter than everyone else, says he only needs himself, and people who need to be loved...there is something wrong with them, including me, and his kids. He talks often of how God screwed up, and he would do things much differently, and the world would be a better place. What causes people to think they are better than everyone else? He never use to be this bad, over the years it has gotten worse and worse. I don't know what to do. Please help. I hope I am posting on the right board.

Thank you for reading

 
Old 06-12-2010, 01:24 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 969
justmel30 HB User
Re: I'm married to a narsisist!

I dont know that you can "do" anything. It's tough.......but he has to want to change before any change will ever be made and seeing as how he is soooo in love with himself, why on earth would he want to! You can either decide to ignore him and his rantings, raise your children to the best of your ability and let them know that YOU love them more then anything in the world, and do your best to not allow him to control, manipulate, use, or humiliate you, and find a way to still enjoy your life. Or you can leave. But you can stay until the end of time and it more then likely will not change him one bit. It will slowly kill you, eat away at your children, and cause seriouse complications for everyone's future if you stay and wait for him to change. The change has to come from inside you. You either have to change the way you interact with him, or forget about interacting with him altogether. Good luck!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-12-2010, 01:58 PM   #3
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 220
xpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB User
Re: I'm married to a narcissist!

Weedoggie he sounds just like me...but I consider myself to just be old and crabby and have basically lost all faith in humanity...HAHAHA! I think it's this horrible economy. I don't think I could do a better job than god because basically I don't believe there is a god.

Really though, maybe your husband is just depressed and down on his luck right now? He sounds like not a whole lot of fun to be around either!
__________________
*I rest my case!*

 
Old 06-12-2010, 02:17 PM   #4
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Illinois, USA
Posts: 261
ctnc1234 HB User
Re: I'm married to a narcissist!

In the meantime, what do I do to keep my sanity? I need love and effection. I feel alone, and ugly. I believe wholehartedly that he is depressed. I don't know why. He has a great paying job, with benefits. Nice things, me and his kids. I have talked to him, and now I am blue in the face...lol. Seriously, I didn't think we were hard to live with. But he is, what do I do? I so need love.

 
Old 06-12-2010, 03:04 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 874
resolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB User
Re: I'm married to a narcissist!

If you do believe the root of his getting worse is about depression, take an hour and do some research about the illness. If you think suffering with depression is about having something to be depressed about, you're wrong. You can look like you have the world on a string and still have clinical depression. It's about an imbalance in the chemicals in your body far more than about any imbalance in your life.

 
Old 06-12-2010, 05:38 PM   #6
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 928
Tivo123 HB UserTivo123 HB UserTivo123 HB UserTivo123 HB User
Re: I'm married to a narcissist!

I think there are a few ways to handle this situation. First of all, if you decide to stay in this marriage, you're going to have to live with the fact that you will get no love from this man. There will not be any affection nor compassion. If you stay, you have to be willing to live with that. Additionally, you should continue to take care of your kids the best way you can on your own, always let them know how much you love them and how you wouldn't trade them for anything in this world, and start looking for other stuff outside the home that will bring you happiness. Find a class at the local community college or find a pottery, painting, photography, quilting, calligraphy, whatever class and start doing that. Get involved with the PTA at your kids' school and volunteer to help with events, be a chaperone or something. Point is, find other stuff to occupy your time and pretty much live your life as a single parent because you won't get anything from this husband if you stay with him.

But I think you're like most normal people in that you really can't live without the love and affection. You and majority of other people on this earth. But since that can't happen if you stay in this marriage, you have 2 options. You can file for a separation to let him know you mean business and if he doesn't get help for his problem that you're not coming back. You can skip the separation and go right to filing for divorce. Or you can stay married but find a boyfriend who will fulfill that need. I'm usually not an advocate for infidelity. However, in your case, should you choose to stay in this marriage, that would be your only option for ever getting any kind of affection. It doesn't sound like this husband will admit that he has a problem so I don't think you have any hope of salvaging this marriage.

Was he always like this? Was he ever normal? Did he start acting like this before or after you got married? If it was before you got married then why did you get married? If it was after you got married, is there any reason why you feel like you need to stay, knowing that he will never take the initiative to fix this?

 
Old 06-12-2010, 06:33 PM   #7
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 355
sickofpain2 HB Usersickofpain2 HB User
Re: I'm married to a narcissist!

He will not change unless he is ready to change--that is the stinker when dealing with narcissists. The basis of it is wounded self-esteem.

Have you sought counseling for yourself? If not, find a good therapist to talk to--they can likely help you sort through this and help you cope.

 
Old 06-12-2010, 07:07 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 969
justmel30 HB User
Re: I'm married to a narcissist!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ctnc1234 View Post
In the meantime, what do I do to keep my sanity? I need love and effection. I feel alone, and ugly. I believe wholehartedly that he is depressed. I don't know why. He has a great paying job, with benefits. Nice things, me and his kids. I have talked to him, and now I am blue in the face...lol. Seriously, I didn't think we were hard to live with. But he is, what do I do? I so need love.
Again.....that's another tough one, and it's a different sort of a lesson to be learned by all! For instance, one lonely person's lesson might be to keep trying because love is just around the corner while another person's lesson might be that it's them that need's the work before they can find somebody to share life with. For me, the lesson was, lonely is much better then just accepting anybody to fill the empty side of my bed with! Once I accepted that, I also realized that I get lot's of love from my children, and plenty enough to do as a result of them too. So much in fact, right now, I wouldn't have time to date if I wanted to! lol. I dont mean to sound cliche, and I certainly dont mean to make light of your situation, but I think your answer to love and affection is very simple. Throw yourself into your kids....god only knows they probably could use the extra attention. Kids can ALLWAYS use more attention! And for me, at the end of the day, I'm so tired from running around to baseball practice, baseball games, swim lessons, basketball camp baskeball lessons, etc.......that I am very greatful the other side of the bed is empty and the remote control is mine. Once you adopt a new way to look at it, it's pretty easy really. Does it mean that I never want to be with a man again? NO WAY! I still carry the picket fence dream. But right now, my family, (me and my 3 soon to be 4 sons) are the most important thing in the universe and I will never trade that for some fools notion of love, ever again. I think in the future, when they get older and want less of me (you know, when they are 40), then I will be ready to date again! lol. Anyway, long story short, you have all the love you need right now in my opinion. Learn to do well by that, and then you will find whatever it was you were supposed to learn....be it to keep trying, or that now isn't the right time.

 
Old 06-12-2010, 07:17 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 969
justmel30 HB User
Re: I'm married to a narcissist!

And one last thing.....I struggle sometimes with feelings of inadequacy. Its hard to feel pretty with a gaggle of children clinging to you all the time! A couple weeks ago, my 9 year old told me while I was poking through the makeup department that if I put on any more makeup, then I would be even prettier, and that he didn't want me to get prettier because then I would get a boyfriend and he want's me all to himself. I teased him and told him no way, that I was old and not pretty. He told me to look in the mirror, that I was beautiful! Here we are today, and I still feel beautiful because of that comment! I'm telling you, the love is in the kids.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Old college boyfriend who is now married contacted me. Confused with these memories? VALady76 Relationship Health 13 04-12-2010 11:25 AM
I don't wanna be married eh! chevyman Relationship Health 77 06-22-2009 10:18 AM
Help with married guy I like harfordgirl Relationship Health 11 07-01-2008 10:46 AM
When husband is more married to child than wife......... maggie08 Relationship Health 7 03-25-2008 09:00 AM
Will I ever be really happy while married??? hillaryb Relationship Health 19 07-16-2007 10:38 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (274), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (160), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (105), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1182), MSJayhawk (1015), Apollo123 (913), Titchou (862), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (760), midwest1 (671), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:49 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!